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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I really being unreasonable? I mean, really?

182 replies

FruitCakey · 28/12/2014 14:22

DS (he is 7) has just had an iPad mini for Christmas. SIL and MIL feel I am being a total bitch not allowing my 2 year old nephew to "take turns" in playing with my DS brand new tablet. I am actually really cross! They keep making comments about how sad it is for poor nephew, that he should be fine.

I have told them that there is no chance. I wouldn't have bought a tablet for my son at 2, therefore DN won't be using DS tablet at only 2 either. For no other reason than I don't trust that he can look after it.

I have explained this in the nicest possible way. They still keep making remarks regarding DN having a go when he screams and tantrums to get to it.

I have now just overheard MIL telling SIL that it isn't my place to tell them that DN isn't allowed a go. Excuse me!? When I have paid a lot of money for a tablet for my DS, do I really not have the right to decide who the hell can use it?

Am I really being unreasonable? I just can't imagine how I am? Hmm

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 28/12/2014 14:25

Of course you're not. They are. Whose house are you in?

gobbynorthernbird · 28/12/2014 14:25

YANBU, and it is really rude of them.

pudcat · 28/12/2014 14:25

no YANBU. Put the tablet where no one can see it or find it, and ask your son to play with something else.

Sunna · 28/12/2014 14:26

YABU to let your DC play with it in front of the toddler. Put it away. And don't get it out when he's around.

PicaK · 28/12/2014 14:26

Yanbu in not allowing a 2 year old a turn - but the decent thing to do would be put it out of sight when they visit and get something else out. Unless you're at their house in which case it's imperative you put it away.

WhyTheFace · 28/12/2014 14:26

Hmm. I would let your DN have a go under supervision, it does seem mean to me that you're being so dogmatic about this. It's also a good opportunity to reinforce kind and sharing behaviour to your DS.

My DGD plays on my iPad while sitting on my lap and she is 15 months. I always let visiting children have a look and a play on it, IME their attention span is short at this age so a quick go and then they get bored and wander off to play with knives

Mollymoofer · 28/12/2014 14:26

Sounds like it would be a lot easier just to put it away while toddlers are around.

LIZS · 28/12/2014 14:26

Yanbu but maybe ds could play with it in his room or put it away rather than be so obvious.

crocodiledundeelady · 28/12/2014 14:27

No, YANBU!

A 2 year old doesn't care anyway, he might want a go, but if he's told it's not allowed he'll accept it and just move on to something else. Probably they're prolonging his wanting it by making such a fuss over it. I'd tell them that. Good luck!

angelohsodelight · 28/12/2014 14:27

YANBU but perhaps if the 2 yr old is getting really wound up about it your ds could go to another room to use it .... or perhaps a long visit to the toilet!

gobbynorthernbird · 28/12/2014 14:27

Next year get DS a modelling kit and let DN play with the superglue, if they're so into sharing.

wheresthelight · 28/12/2014 14:27

yanbu to refused allow tour nephew to play with it as 2 is far too young to be safe with it however Yabvu to allow your son to continue to play with it on front of your nephew. surely he had otherness that would be more suitable to sharing?

zeeboo · 28/12/2014 14:29

I think you are being a bit churlish to be honest. My little one has played on the iPad since she was under a year. Rules were the case stayed on and she had to sit on the sofa.
I don't see why you can't download a baby game on to it and let your nephew have a go while his big cousin 'teaches' him how to use it.
Otherwise like someone else said, put it away while your nephew is around as it isn't fair to have something tantalising in front of a tiny toddler who is too young to understand your arbitrary rules.

ElizabethHoover · 28/12/2014 14:30

tell your son to stop playing it in front of him then fgs!!!

sheesh already

SusanIvanova · 28/12/2014 14:34

YANBU and I wouldn't like to be the one to take a special present from my DS because a 2 year old is tantrumming and their mother is making it worse.

RJnomore · 28/12/2014 14:34

Hang on.

Why should op tell her son he cannot play with HIS present because her sister is incapable of telling HER child that he cannot touch everything he wants to?

Sounds like the nephew needs a few boundaries laid down to me. Whether he is 2 or not, it is fine for him to be told no something isn't for him.

Op, YANBU at all.

Mrsstarlord · 28/12/2014 14:34

you are probably not BU but you do seem to be creating stress where there doesn't need to be any. I'd let DN sit on my knee and play with it or suggest that DS play something with DN for a while and put the iPad away. You seem to be so set on not letting him play with it that a bit of sense is being clouded

IAmAPaleontologist · 28/12/2014 14:35

It is your right to decide if he can play or not, of course it is (though my 2 year old can play on simple cbeebies games sitting on the sofa or other safe place. I don't have a tablet but his CM does and occasionally lets him have 10 mins at the end of the day). However, any 2 year old is going to get wound up watching someone else play on something forbidden. If your ds wants to play on it then he should do it in his room or elsewhere the 2 year old is not able to see him.

ElizabethHoover · 28/12/2014 14:35

i think a SEVEN YEAR OLD can be kind and not play on it for an hour or so OR go to his room

GraysAnalogy · 28/12/2014 14:36

Are people on here actually suggesting a child should have to put their toys away because another child is having a paddy and not being taught properly?!

Mrsstarlord · 28/12/2014 14:36

Funny, I see it from the other perspective - that This could be a valuable lesson for all in sharing and playing nicely together

MissHJ · 28/12/2014 14:37

No your are not unreasonable to not let your nephew play with it. However my son is 15 months and loves watching mr tumble on my tablet at home. So if he saw his older cousin play with a tablet, you can guarantee he will be interested in it and want to play. He would get very very upset if he was not allowed to play with it. They don't understand at that age. So the smart thing surely to do is tell you son to either put the tablet away or play with it somewhere else. I would not be too happy if my sister or sister in law just sat there watching my son cry for the sake of playing a tablet somewhere else. Luckily all of my son's cousins understand that unless they want to be bothered all day by a toddler, they should take their toys somewhere else or where he can't get them and they are absolutely fine with that. They will sit and play with their younger cousin and get whatever he can't play when he gets bored or goes for a nap.

GraysAnalogy · 28/12/2014 14:37

This could be a valuable lesson for all in sharing and playing nicely together

A 2 year old wouldn't be playing with my iPad, nothing to do with sharing and playing nicely. It's a expensive gadget and not suitable.

PurpleSwift · 28/12/2014 14:37

yanbu. I don't really get the 'its unfair for your ds to play on it while dn is around' argument either. There are a million things that other children and adults are "allowed" to do that toddlers cannot. This is just another one of those things and it's up to your SIL to deal with that. Although for an easy life i'd probably limit its usage if they are only there for short while.

Spadequeen · 28/12/2014 14:38

Sounds like the 2 yr old doesn't hear the word no very often.

Just cos he wants it doesn't mean he gets it.

Is this taking place at your home one elsewhere?