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AIBU?

Am I really being unreasonable? I mean, really?

182 replies

FruitCakey · 28/12/2014 14:22

DS (he is 7) has just had an iPad mini for Christmas. SIL and MIL feel I am being a total bitch not allowing my 2 year old nephew to "take turns" in playing with my DS brand new tablet. I am actually really cross! They keep making comments about how sad it is for poor nephew, that he should be fine.

I have told them that there is no chance. I wouldn't have bought a tablet for my son at 2, therefore DN won't be using DS tablet at only 2 either. For no other reason than I don't trust that he can look after it.

I have explained this in the nicest possible way. They still keep making remarks regarding DN having a go when he screams and tantrums to get to it.

I have now just overheard MIL telling SIL that it isn't my place to tell them that DN isn't allowed a go. Excuse me!? When I have paid a lot of money for a tablet for my DS, do I really not have the right to decide who the hell can use it?

Am I really being unreasonable? I just can't imagine how I am?

OP posts:

Report

manchestermummy · 29/12/2014 10:47

YANBU at all. This isn't about an ipad; it's about a 7 yo being forced to share. I might be inclined to suggest he shows his cousin a short programme or something but that is it.

Is the two yo being made to share his things?

And as for MIL and SIL saying it's not your place: it most certainly is exactly your place.

londonrach · 29/12/2014 10:48

No your house, your rules but id put the tablet away until they leave.

3littlefrogs · 29/12/2014 10:53

But it isn't the OP's house.
It is the MIL's house.

A 2 year old is not old enough to be rational/reasonable.

Given that everyone has to share the space, I still think it would be better if OP and her son went to another room to play on the tablet.
I also think the MIL and the SIL should play something else with the 2 year old.

They are all behaving like 2 year olds IMO.

owlonabike · 29/12/2014 10:56

I think maybe this has turned into a battle of "whose parenting style is better." You are making it clear that a tablet is not suitable for a toddler. Your sister believes the opposite and therefore may feel that her parenting is being criticised. Sounds ridiculous, but we do react very strongly to our values being judged (or perceived as being judged).

My DH and his sister had a falling out some years ago. Words were said about our abilities as parents, things escalated, and she's barely spoken to him for over twenty years. So think on!

GertrudePerkins · 29/12/2014 10:58

it's fair enough to restrict what the two year old has access to.

however you complain that he screams and tantrums, and he will, because he's two. simply to save my own sanity I would ask DS to take the thing to his room.

owlonabike · 29/12/2014 10:58

Sorry, I meant SIL, not sister! Though I have managed my first ever smiley, so not a total fail.

HopeClearwater · 29/12/2014 11:00

You bought your seven-year-old an iPad?!!!

NurseRoscoe · 29/12/2014 11:19

My son is 3 and wouldn't give a shit about playing with an ipad. He is probably reacting that way because of the way your MIL and SIL react, they seriously need to get a grip, I hate stupid ridiculous adults who can't understand basic common sense!

Fairenuff · 29/12/2014 11:30

2 year olds need to be taught that there are some things they are not allowed to touch. It's a simple as that.

MIL and SIL wouldn't let him 'have a go' with a sharp knife, or a loaded gun or lighting the fire or driving the car or any number of dangerous activities. The child is too young to understand the difference between objects or why the adult says no, sothe just needs to accept that the adult is in charge and no, he can't have it.

Even if someone else can have it. That's life and as soon as the child learns that, he will stop being so demanding as he will see that it's getting him nowhere. I agree that the adults are reinforcing his behaviour because it suits them.

FruitCakey · 29/12/2014 11:32

I am glad I come to AIBU. You're always guaranteed a wide variety of replies!

OP posts:

Sunna · 29/12/2014 12:12

Making DS leave the room is isolating him to pander to my DN wishes.

No it isn't. Pandering to his wishes would be to let him play with it. Putting it out of his sight is the kind thing to do. Why are your DS's wants more important than a toddler's.

You seem to be enjoying the child's distress and saying your child is more important than DN. He isn't. Not nice and very unkind.

GraysAnalogy · 29/12/2014 12:17

Would you tell an adult they have to put their phone away because the toddler is having a paddy?

hoobypickypicky · 29/12/2014 12:22

"You seem to be enjoying the child's distress and saying your child is more important than DN. He isn't. Not nice and very unkind."

And why shouldn't FruitCakey's son be more important to her than her nephew?

I don't think she is saying that at all, in fact I think your evaluation of the situation is rubbish, but even if she were it's perfectly natural for a parent to value their own child over someone else's.

Why should the owner of the iPad be pushed away because a parent can't or won't control their child?

What next? Give the 2 year old Grandma's new set of crystal glasses because he wants to play with them?

Frogme · 29/12/2014 12:22

My children were never allowed to play with remote controls or our phones. They survived and don't appear too damaged for being told no.

hoobypickypicky · 29/12/2014 12:24

"Would you tell an adult they have to put their phone away because the toddler is having a paddy?"

Exactly, GraysAnalogy.

Although I suspect that yes, there are some people who are rude enough and who are so convinced that the world revolves around their spoiled child that they might!

3littlefrogs · 29/12/2014 12:32

Most sensible people wouldn't play with granny's crystal glasses in front of a two year old. They would get the glasses out at an appropriate time - when 2 year old in bed for example, they would distract/play something else with the 2 year old if it was absolutely necessary to be doing something with granny's crystal.

Anyway - as I said before, none of the adults in this situation are being reasonable or sensible.

fuctifino · 29/12/2014 12:40

My twin sister fell out with me over our 2 year olds not sharing.

We've not spoken in 10 years.

Just saying

Fairenuff · 29/12/2014 12:44

Likewise, the parents could distract/play something else with the 2 year old. If they say no and mean it, he will stop fussing.

Frogme · 29/12/2014 12:46

I once remember a toddler demanding a certain film in a room full of adults at a party. Some people hadn't even seen the film and didn't want to half see it. It wasn't exactly appropriate to have the tv on at a party. Guess whose wishes won?

Madness.

PurplePidjingThroughTheSnow · 29/12/2014 12:51

Tbh I think teaching my 2yo that he can't just demand a turn on someone else's toy is a good lesson for him. And at 2, I can manage the tantrums with distraction, bribery or simply removing him for a couple of minutes and cuddling him till he calms down. I'd much rather do it now when I can still "win" (wrong word but I can't think of a better one) than when he's big, heavy, strong and able to think up his own arguments as to why he should always have his own way!

And yes, I have dealt with a very similar situation. Recently. In public. With a relative trying to hand me the tablet to give back to him, gah! He got over it within minutes and if I'm really lucky won't have so much of a problem the next time a similar situation arises!

Number3cometome · 29/12/2014 13:18

YANBU - nor do I think your DC should hide their present.

Children need to know they cannot have anything they see!

His mother needs to tell him no and leave your DC alone whilst he is playing with it.

tinklykeys · 29/12/2014 13:51

YANBU!! I have a 7 year old and a 2 year old and whilst I encourage sharing of certain things I would never insist that the 7 year old lets the 2 year old play with something very precious to him, like a Lego model he has made for example. And certainly not a brand new present. And guess what? The 2 year old can cope! If she struggles I remove her and distract her with something else, not punish the 7 year old by making him leave the room.

Go op go op!

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coldwater1 · 29/12/2014 14:36

Tell them they are quite welcome to sod off out and buy their own one! I don't let my 2 year old go on my older kids kindles just incase he breaks it, he'd have no chance of getting his hands on an ipad!!

CheerfulYank · 29/12/2014 15:32

I'd never ask anyone to put their phone away, but I'd put my own away because two year olds don't understand. A three year old or up, no.

CheerfulYank · 29/12/2014 15:35

"We take turns"

So you and your DS are sitting there playing it in the living room or whatever while DN is screaming?

And frankly I don't think he should be playing on it for hours anyway, when at a family gathering. So asking him to go play in a guest room for twenty minutes is not unreasonable.

I think all of you are BU I guess! :)

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