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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I really being unreasonable? I mean, really?

182 replies

FruitCakey · 28/12/2014 14:22

DS (he is 7) has just had an iPad mini for Christmas. SIL and MIL feel I am being a total bitch not allowing my 2 year old nephew to "take turns" in playing with my DS brand new tablet. I am actually really cross! They keep making comments about how sad it is for poor nephew, that he should be fine.

I have told them that there is no chance. I wouldn't have bought a tablet for my son at 2, therefore DN won't be using DS tablet at only 2 either. For no other reason than I don't trust that he can look after it.

I have explained this in the nicest possible way. They still keep making remarks regarding DN having a go when he screams and tantrums to get to it.

I have now just overheard MIL telling SIL that it isn't my place to tell them that DN isn't allowed a go. Excuse me!? When I have paid a lot of money for a tablet for my DS, do I really not have the right to decide who the hell can use it?

Am I really being unreasonable? I just can't imagine how I am?

OP posts:

GraysAnalogy · 28/12/2014 14:38

Yeah that's excellent teaching of children - make everyone else pander to them.

Andrewofgg · 28/12/2014 14:39

It's not a two-year-old's item, is it?

In fact what RJnomore said.

level3at6months · 28/12/2014 14:39

Well, no, you're not BU. It's not his present, it's your DS's. Sharing's great but you don't have to share everything. I'd be diplomatic, though, and encourage DS to play with it out of sight of the little one.

MissHJ · 28/12/2014 14:39

Grays, I know my toddler would not understand that he can't play with a toy and he is 15 months. Does not matter if you tried to entertain him with something else, all he sees is a toy his cousin is playing with and is interesting. At 3/4 I would expect a child to understand they can't play with something but currently my son is 15 months old and has no understanding whatsoever. If there was something in front of him he wanted, he would repeatedly try and get it.

InAllFairness · 28/12/2014 14:40

Yanbu but I would put it out of site whilst your nephew is around.

CheeseBuster · 28/12/2014 14:40

I hate this bizarre enforced sharing that goes on especially with new things. I don't go around all my relative Xmas presents and used them. I mean my auntie got a very fancy blender that I'd love to have a go on but you just don't do that.

RJnomore · 28/12/2014 14:40

Seems to be gray.

And no it isn't about sharing at all, some things are not appropriate for 2 yos and if op feels this isn't that's fine by me. I imagine it's not in a bouncy case like you would put one in if you were planning a very small child to use it. And if he's absolutely tantrumming already at being told no, I wouldn't trust him not to fling it either.

Fanfeckintastic · 28/12/2014 14:40

Seems a bit rude for your DS to be on it while you have company though?

GraysAnalogy · 28/12/2014 14:41

MissHJ your toddler should understand the word 'no' though. No, you cannot play with it.

ElizabethHoover · 28/12/2014 14:41

everyone knows that 2 year olds like to learn reasoned lessons at other peoples houses

maybe for this instance the older kid can either share or feck orf to his bedroom

3littlefrogs · 28/12/2014 14:42

I agree that a tablet is not suitable for a 2 year old.
But you are being very unreasonable to even bring the thing out when the 2 year old is around.
All 2 year olds want things they can see but aren't suitable for them. The mature and sensible (grown up) approach is to keep unsuitable things out of sight until the 2 year old is not there.

All the adults in this scenario sound very childish.

GraysAnalogy · 28/12/2014 14:43

So what would you all do if the 2 year old was at playgroup and was demanding another child's toy? You'd tell the child to put it away presumably then?

FishWithABicycle · 28/12/2014 14:43

it's been said already, but I agree:
YANBU to not let DN have a go. That fact that some 2yo and younger do play with tablets is irrelevant. You get to choose this.
YABU to let DS play with it in DN's presence. DS should only play with it when DN is out of the house/asleep etc.

Mrsstarlord · 28/12/2014 14:45

A 2 year old wouldn't be playing with my iPad, nothing to do with sharing and playing nicely. It's a expensive gadget and not suitable.

They are expensive but are great for young ones if you supervise them properly - my DGD loves mine, she is 14 months and will quite happily sit on my knee playing with it. That said there is no way I would buy one for a young child. Our kids (10 & 11) got iPads for Christmas this year - because I finally crumbled to DH!
Interesting how views vary.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 28/12/2014 14:45

Are MiL and SiL sitting there with arsey faces?

I'd be inclined to tell him to put it away for a while, I couldn't stand the toddler whining in all honesty.

TrendStopper · 28/12/2014 14:48

Of course you arent being unreasonable. I wouldnt let my 2yr old dn play with my dds tablet.

We have a rule within our family though that if we have guests the games consoles & computers stay switched off.

GraysAnalogy · 28/12/2014 14:48

mrsstar my god daughter watches mine with me, I don't let her play with it but I put this big eff off rubber cover thing on and don't really let her touch it. BUT she dribbled and it someone got into the speaker thing and now is perma mute

WhyTheFace · 28/12/2014 14:49

Letting a child have a go on someone else's toy = pandering to them.

I see.

GraysAnalogy · 28/12/2014 14:49

It's not a toy.

GraysAnalogy · 28/12/2014 14:50

And if my child was screaming and tantrumming they wouldn't be having a go at anything.

Mrsstarlord · 28/12/2014 14:50

So what would you all do if the 2 year old was at playgroup and was demanding another child's toy? You'd tell the child to put it away presumably then?
I'd encourage them to share if possible, if not I'd manage it but these are not both 2 year olds, there's a 7 year old in this who is capable of role modelling, sharing, compromising (possibly more than the adults by the sounds of things!)

WhyTheFace · 28/12/2014 14:50

It can be used as a toy - unless all the baby apps I have downloaded on mine are designed for me to play on. Although I do quite enjoy the jelly doodle one.

MissHJ · 28/12/2014 14:50

Grays he does understand the word no but he would need to be told a good few times. He is currently testing himself and his boundaries. I would not let him play with something without a doubt but maybe it's just my family. If there was something my son could not do, my aunt or sister would not allow their children to do it right under his nose. Like the whole loom band things, usually my young cousins would do them on the floor. But they know my son will constantly try and get them with me constantly telling him no. So they take away the stress and go play on the table where my son can't see them do it and can't keep bothering them. Just a simple compromise so everyone is happy. No has a tantrum throwing toddler and no one has a child constantly being pestered.

Tiredemma · 28/12/2014 14:51

put all the kids in the back garden and make them play nicely.

WhyTheFace · 28/12/2014 14:52

I'm sure that your two year olds were always perfectly behaved gray. Mine could be little gits but I have managed to raise them into almost adulthood and surprisingly, despite my pandering, they have turned into lovely young adults.

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