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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to plan Christmas around a dog?

225 replies

Nativity3 · 15/11/2014 10:46

We don't have a dog so maybe this is normal and IABU but I would like to know as it's annoying me!

The in-laws have a dog. He is like their child and they talk about him on the phone like I talk about my dc. Hmm

We live about 2 hours apart and always meet up over Christmas. We always end up going to them and meeting at a pub as they can't leave the dog for a day to come to us. I've always accepted this but do find the drive hard as it often takes longer than 2 hours in traffic and when you suffer with IBS this can be a nightmare especially with not many toilet stops on the M25.

This year I suggested they come to us or we meet half way at a restaurant and have a lunchtime meal. We could still see each other but takes the pressure off us a bit.

They've said a flat out no and that it's either a pub/restaurant near them again or they can't see us.

AIBU to want them to make a bit of effort and come and see us for a change?

OP posts:
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loveableshoulder · 15/11/2014 10:47

Can't the dog come too?

Stuffofawesome · 15/11/2014 10:48

Call their bluff. Don't see them

TheHatInTheCat · 15/11/2014 10:49

Well just don't see them. Yanbu but they are.

londonrach · 15/11/2014 10:50

If the dog cant come and you dont want to drive 2 hours in xmas traffic they have to accept they dont want to see you then this year. Unfair thats its always you making the effect.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 15/11/2014 10:50

Win win. Don't drive, don't see them.

OOAOML · 15/11/2014 10:50

They have a dog that factors heavily in their decision, you have a medical condition that factors heavily in yours - do you want to see them? Do they want to see you? Is it completely off the agenda for all of you to stay at home and have a quiet Christmas?

whois · 15/11/2014 10:51

coukd the dog come to you?

Otherwise just say "really sorry, not up to the drive this year so if you're not able to meet in a pub half way then we'll have Christmas at home"

Gennz · 15/11/2014 10:52

How long would they end up being away from the dog for? I wouldn't leave my dog alone at home for 8+ hours.

Original poster
Nativity3 · 15/11/2014 10:53

It's not even Christmas Day... Just a day over the Christmas period.

Not sure if they'd consider bringing him but I will suggest to them!

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 15/11/2014 10:55

Don't see them. And don't be apologetic about it.And get your OH on board. It's a bloody dog, ffs. If it means more to them than their family (and it is not part of the family) that's their problem. Enjoy CD.

BellaVita · 15/11/2014 10:56

See, before we got our dog at the beginning of May I would have said YANBU. But now I can totally see their point (and yours).

KikiDog is like my third child...my parents who were so not dog people ask about her now before any of us Hmm. When we go over to see them they doubly make sure we are taking her!

I would ask them to come to you and bring the dog. Could you put up with it for a day? I can understand them not wanting to leave it for a whole day, it is too long.

MothershipG · 15/11/2014 10:57

As a dog owner I have to factor in my responsibility to my dogs in any plans I make so if I can't take them I have to call in dog sitting favours or pay a dog walker, it's not complicated.

If it's Xmas day you meet up on then obviously they probably would struggle to find someone, but if it's just a day over the holidays it shouldn't be that hard. They can ask the other dog owners they know, I'm sure someone will have a recommendation, don't they ever go on holiday?

Original poster
Nativity3 · 15/11/2014 10:59

They do go on holiday but only on dog friendly holidays. This year they went all the way to Scotland, even though they didn't particularly want to go because the dog had never been Hmm

OP posts:
minmooch · 15/11/2014 11:01

Assuming you are in the uk where it is cold over Christmas - if you live in a hot country then ignore. Surely they can meet halfway, have the dog in the car, walk the dog near the chosen pub, leave it in the car (windows open with water etc) for the time you eat a meal? Walk it after. All go home. Job done?

whitesandstorm · 15/11/2014 11:02

I know someone who's like that over cats. They live in Spain but all their family are in the UK, including children and grandchildren. They very rarely visit because the cats would have to go into kennels and might fret.Hmm

Letthemtalk · 15/11/2014 11:04

Sounds like my mum. We haven't seen her at Christmas for about 4 years. Her last wee dog was too ill to travel and she didn't want to leave her (we couldn't go to her as Santa found it to hard to get too and from her house). Wee dog sadly died earlier this year, silver lining was that she'd be able to come to ours. She's got a new pup, and she doesn't think the long trip would be good for it.

Laughing at going to Scotland because the dog hadn't Bern before, just the sort of this mum would do!

Andrewofgg · 15/11/2014 11:04

This year they went all the way to Scotland, even though they didn't particularly want to go because the dog had never been.

Sorry but PMSL. Did they buy the pooch a MacFido tartan dog-blanket too?

Bakeoffcakes · 15/11/2014 11:05

YANBU
They are being very selfish expecting you to go to them every year.

It is their turn to come to you but they won't, you've suggested meeting half way, so you are compromising.

If thye won't meet you half way you'll just have to not see them this year.

Birdsgottafly · 15/11/2014 11:06

You're not asking them to "make an effort", you're possibly asking them to neglect their dog.

It would be lovely for the neighbours if they had to listen to the dog howl and whine all Christmas Day, also.

I had my dog stolen a month ago, I'm devastated, she was a big part of my life, as well as companionship, she got me out twice a day.

I'm minding someone's dog ATM, my adult children rolled their eyes at me when I said how excited I was at having a dog to walk again.

Meet up when there is less pressure and less people/traffic about.

Skinheadmermaid · 15/11/2014 11:07

Aww they sound so sweet. I'd love to take my dog to Scotland! Grin I know he would appreciate it.
Can't the dog come to you? If he's well trained all he'll do is fall asleep under someones chair.

OhBuggeringBollocks · 15/11/2014 11:08

Love the Scottish holiday.

If the dog travels there is no reason for them not to come to you

Castlemilk · 15/11/2014 11:09

No, call their bluff.

It's their turn to travel. Their dog issues are not more important than your 'mitigating factors', such as illness, DC etc.

They're basically saying that they're more important than you.

Show them that they aren't.

OttiliaVonBCup · 15/11/2014 11:09

Can you find a dog friendly pub for the meal so they can take her?

Gillian1980 · 15/11/2014 11:09

I can see it from both sides.

We have animals so if we plan to go away we have to either limit it to a few hours or arrange a sitter/feeder. If we can't manage that then we can't go, that's the bottom line.

But I also wouldn't expect people to have their lives affected by our pets. If they didn't want to or couldn't visit us instead then that is absolutely fine!

manchestermummy · 15/11/2014 11:10

My MIL is like this: the world revolves around her horrible dog (not much of a dog fan but I particularly dislike big, loud, licky, jumpy untrained dogs). The dog barks and terrifies the dc? No problem. Dn cruising? No, she must not and be restrained in case she gets in the way of the dog. Dog bounds up and jumps? Just saying hello. Every meal out, playground trip, day of childcare here and there all tailored round the dog. MIL will even walk out of a houseful of guests to walk the dog. Which, incidentally she does eight times a day.