To not want to plan Christmas around a dog?

[Nativity3]

We don't have a dog so maybe this is normal and IABU but I would like to know as it's annoying me!

The in-laws have a dog. He is like their child and they talk about him on the phone like I talk about my dc.

We live about 2 hours apart and always meet up over Christmas. We always end up going to them and meeting at a pub as they can't leave the dog for a day to come to us. I've always accepted this but do find the drive hard as it often takes longer than 2 hours in traffic and when you suffer with IBS this can be a nightmare especially with not many toilet stops on the M25.

This year I suggested they come to us or we meet half way at a restaurant and have a lunchtime meal. We could still see each other but takes the pressure off us a bit.

They've said a flat out no and that it's either a pub/restaurant near them again or they can't see us.

AIBU to want them to make a bit of effort and come and see us for a change?

[Ratracerunner]

Set them up with Skype and then they need never leave the house or the dog ever again

[Whippet81]

You can't just lock a dog up for hours on end to go to meet people because it's Christmas and it's unlikely you can get a sitter. I wouldn't leave mine either as for the face talking about him like a child you are being a cow. There is so much cruelty in the world there's no need to be like that because someone loves their dog. I have both DC and dog so he's not a replacement child - but he's family too.

Either go to them or let them bring the dog to your house or don't see them - those are your choices.

[OttiliaVonBCup]

manchester ever considered you MIL doesn't really have to walk the dog when she has guests?
She might just need a bit of a break from them so the dog walk is an excuse to get out.

[berceuse]

My dog isn't a surrogate child but we do struggle with my family. None of them like dogs, generally or want them in their houses.

Dog has only been to kennels once when she was a nervous wreck and we were phoned to ask to collect her early. So, we have always relied on a friend if ever we have to leave her. But, you can't really ask friends at Christmas and our friend has taken on a problematic rescue dog so she doesn't feel able to help any more.

My parents prefer to sleep at home and no longer like going away so they go to a sibling 40 miles away for the day ... and we stay home, alone (220 miles so too far for me to drive both ways in a day).

It has been like this for years tbh even when it is just DD and I home alone for Christmas when DH works away.

I do know that if I was the potential host I would go out of my way to accommodate a family dog if that was what it took to see my children and grandchildren.

I now need to find an alternative dog carer person but we live in the middle of nowhere and don't really have anyone I can think of to ask as I don't have many friends here.

I will make sure my next dog can go to kennels tbh as it is a massive tie.

In their situation I would put the dog in the car for the day - won't hurt it at all and we do that at times.

[Thebodynowchillingsothere]

So sorry Birds what a horrible thing to happen.

Op I can't really get worked up over people who love their animals. To lots of people dogs and cats are part of their family.

However you are entitled to not go do far to visit them too.

Loving the dog not wanting to go to Scotland. See I love people like this

[LittleBearPad]

This year they went all the way to Scotland, even though they didn't particularly want to go because the dog had never been

[StrangeGlue]

The op is not asking them to neglect the dog! Nowhere has she said 'they must leave the dog alone for hours' she's said they dog can come to whatever happens. Since they're obviously fine with a) travelling w dog as they went to Scotland and b) leaving dog for sometime as they want to leave it while they go to a restaurant near them I think the dog's a red herring they just don't want to do anything apart from what suits them absolutely.

[Whippet81]

Oh and it's nothing to do with 'putting family first' ffs! You can't neglect an animal.

All the ones saying that I presume you're the same people who if they have animals lock them in the kitchen all day and give them away in Gumtree when they're not convenient any longer.

This is why I much prefer animals to people.

[StrangeGlue]

No one has suggested locking the dog anywhere! People are just pointing out that the pil are contradictory as they travel with the dog and leave it on other occasions but say both aren't possible to see the op. No one is suggesting neglecting any animals but merely saying it seems inconsistent as there are options: dog sitter, kennels, bring dog and go to op house, bring dog and go to dog friendly cafe. No one is saying lock it anywhere!

[manchestermummy]

Maybe so, but a walk every 45 minutes?

[Marcipex]

where is the dog looking forward to holidaying next?

[ZeViteVitchofCwismas]

Just say No easy peasy! DO IT.

Dont ask them about the dog just say no.

[Birdsgottafly]

Andrew, a dog is part of the family, in as such as you have a responsibility towards them and should care/love them.

As for visiting Scotland, I had plans to.

I've been all over Wales, my FB was littered with pictures of my Dog on every beach in the UK.

I traveled to the Moors, to walk my dog across them.

I enjoyed watching her, in different settings. I'm a long standing German Shepherd owner and it's part of the pride (which you should feel) of owning your dog.

I was looking forward to the Autumn/Winter, which for us was the best time of year, you aren't plagued by entitled families.

[ZeViteVitchofCwismas]

It's about them being ok with it in some circumstances but not others

or them using the dog to get attention and feel important because it means they cant do certain things,

Op i think its humiliating to your husband...they have put the dog above him and I wouldn't enter into any debate over this, you have offered compromise and they are waiting for you to bend again to their will, choose not too.

[GertyD]

Neglect their dog, Birds? Blimey.

I get the whole companionship and part of the family yaddy yaddy yaddy, but some things are taken to extreme.

YANBU. The dog is their issue. They should search a dog friendly pub, not you, as other posters suggest.

My parents are like this. To the point they won't leave the mutt for a second. My DF even waited in the car with the fecking thing whilst my DM went to get her cancer diagnosis, alone. If I had known this beforehand I would have gone with her.

Dogs should be valued, and people shouldn't get them unless they can provide the appropriate care, but not to the detriment of everything else. You wouldn't put one of your kids above the others.

[ZeViteVitchofCwismas]

I would never make my chidren feel second best to animal. Children first.

[poolomoomon]

I feel like some people use their pets as an excuse to get out of things they can't be arsed with tbh.

My nan is very much like this. She's always always banging on about how irritated she is that we can never come visit because of the 'bloody dog' and how she can't stay at ours too long because she has to get back to the dog etc. It's technically not even her dog! It's my 45 year old uncle's that he's palmed off on her but she won't tell him to take it back. Ever the martyr she is . I've come to realise she's getting on a bit and finds it too much of a stress and an effort having people visit and the crazy borderline dangerous dog provides her with a perfect excuse to get out of it, likewise with visiting people for a long time. She gets tired, can't be arsed with people so uses the dog as an excuse to go home.

Not saying it's the case here but you never know... Can't be bothered visiting/driving to you, uses the dog as a convenient excuse. I'm really not a dog person incase that wasn't obvious .

[Birdsgottafly]

I wouldn't put a dog in kennels, unnecessarily, I've had a dog pick up Kennel cough, despite vaccinations.

Nearly all dog sitters/kennels will be fully booked by now and charging triple rates.

Why the pressure for Christmas Day?

[JoffreyBaratheon]

Tell them the dog has never been to a pub off the M25.

[cindydog]

They obviously think more of the dog than you .

[OttiliaVonBCup]

No dog needs walking every 45 mins.


It's what we do when PILs are here - dog gets walked every hour whether he needs it or not and DH and I fight over who gets to walk her!

Dog usually goes in hiding by the end of their visit.

[SnakeyMcBadass]

I've got two dogs. They are part if the family. When we travel, they go in kennels. If we go out for the day, I employ a dog walker. It's really not hard to still have a life.

[Nativity3]

As stated in one of my replies above, it isn't Christmas Day... Just a day over the Christmas period

[Thebodynowchillingsothere]

Thinking of the dog browsing travel brochures.