To not want to plan Christmas around a dog?

[Nativity3]

We don't have a dog so maybe this is normal and IABU but I would like to know as it's annoying me!

The in-laws have a dog. He is like their child and they talk about him on the phone like I talk about my dc.

We live about 2 hours apart and always meet up over Christmas. We always end up going to them and meeting at a pub as they can't leave the dog for a day to come to us. I've always accepted this but do find the drive hard as it often takes longer than 2 hours in traffic and when you suffer with IBS this can be a nightmare especially with not many toilet stops on the M25.

This year I suggested they come to us or we meet half way at a restaurant and have a lunchtime meal. We could still see each other but takes the pressure off us a bit.

They've said a flat out no and that it's either a pub/restaurant near them again or they can't see us.

AIBU to want them to make a bit of effort and come and see us for a change?

[MeMyselfAnd1]

It is a matter of priorities, if it is more important for them not to break the routine of the dog than putting you in an uncomfortable position, you should really not feel bad about not seeing them this Christmas.

I would suggest meeting halfway in a dog friendly pub (there are some lovely ones), if they are not bothered, you are off the hook.

[straighttalker]

Their dog is as important to them as your kids/IBD are to you. That's just the way it is. Everyone has their thing and it's not for us to judge the relative 'importance' of those things in people's lives.

It's not fair you should have to make all the compromises, and unless they don't drive, it seems unrealistic they couldn't meet you somewhere halfway between your respective homes.

In conclusion:
YANBU to expect them to make an effort equal to the one you make.
YABU to belittle their reasons for wanting to stay close to home.

You say in-laws so I suspect it's your husband's parents? What does he want to do?

[Sparklingbrook]

I think it's time to break the cycle.

Find a dog friendly pub half way, or they come to yours with the dog. If they don't like either of those options you don't see them.

[Mrsfluff]

I must be reading a different thread to some of you, because I can't see where the OP is advocating animal cruelty and demanding the dog is locked up, all alone, for a day at Christmas

If they live 2 hours apart, I can't see why they can't all meet somewhere half way, have lunch and then go their separate ways? Dog would be alone for what, 4 or 5 hours? Or the in laws could take dog with them as some previous posters have suggested?

As a dog owner, I certainly view mine as part of the family, but I would be more than happy to compromise with others, especially when there is also a medical condition to factor in

Good luck OP!

[manchestermummy]

MIL's dog does apparently. The dog is walked at least eight times a day. More if the weather is fine.

6 am walk
Post breakfast walk 8 am
Pre lunch walk 11 am
Post lunch walk 12.30 pn
Mid afternoon walk 2.30 pm
Pre tea walk 5 pm
Post tea walk 7 pm
Evening walk 9 pm
Pre bed walk 11 pm

If only I was exaggerating. This is an elderly, overweight cross breed btw. Sometimes when the lead comes out she looks at us like "Really, do I have to? I'm tired".

[NoMarymary]

I'd say bring the dog or meet halfway. It's a reasonable compromise and you have done your share of travelling in the past.

[plinkyplonks]

Nothing wrong with treating a pet as part of the family. Not their issue that you're unhappy with those sentiments. Obviously a well loved dog which is lovely to hear.

The real issue is the failure to compromise over where to meet up - i.e. their way or no way at all. Find some dog friendly pubs to meet up in, there's plenty of them. If the real issue is that they don't want to travel, just decide whether you really want to travel again to see them and let them know either way what you've decided.

[MeMyselfAnd1]

"You're not asking them to "make an effort", you're possibly asking them to neglect their dog.

It would be lovely for the neighbours if they had to listen to the dog howl and whine all Christmas Day, also."

They are just meeting the inlaws for a couple of hours over the Christmas period, not even Christmas.

They have a child that travels, it is in good health (and possibly wears a lovely tartan doggy coat)

She has children and an illness that prevents her from eating most things people do and that can be painful, uncomfortable and makes her need to use the toilet very often.

The dog is a red herring, they are just wanting to get their way. They can travel, the dog is welcome and it is not even a full day.

[Acatcalledblue]

I read Whois's suggestion as "Cook the dog...." blurred eyesight this morning but just for a nanosecond I thought it was a good idea. An alternative to the same old Turkey, like..

Honestly, you've established that the dog travels in the car ok, that you're fine with it coming to yours,I bet your children would love to have a dog for Christmas , no probs really?

The Christmas an uncle and his dog came to us I still remember. We weren't allowed pets. I don't remember any presents I had that year, only the joy of having a dog to walk. Afterwards I adopted a left over balloon and trawled it around on a piece of string for ages til the air had gone and it resembled nothing more than a disused condom. A RED disused condom

Loved that dog, loved that balloon. Was sad when both were no more

[Mintyy]

Birds - very sorry to hear about your dog being stolen - but its not about Christmas Day! The op clearly says its not re. Christmas Day itself.

[dreamingbohemian]

excuse my ignorance but is it really neglect to leave a dog for 6-7 hours during the day? what about people who work? I had no idea everyone with dogs was so limited in being away from home.

OP YANBU, if they can take the dog on holiday they can meet you halfway or bring the dog to yours

[BabyDubsEverywhere]

My dog can get in and out through a cat flap, and doesn't get distressed being left - he usually curls up with the cat. I have left him for a whole day on the very odd occasion knowing he will be okay.
If he couldn't get in and out I wouldn't leave him for longer than 3ish hours for anything - that's life with a dog. Have you offered them the option of bringing the dog to your house so they can visit you?

[Blu]

"You're not asking them to "make an effort", you're possibly asking them to neglect their dog."

So once a family member gets a dog it is automatically the responsibility of other family members to drive for 4 hours, pay petrol, all the time in order to keep up family contact?

"If we can't manage that then we can't go, that's the bottom line.

But I also wouldn't expect people to have their lives affected by our pets. If they didn't want to or couldn't visit us instead then that is absolutely fine!" So if other family members can't do the travelling all the time you just never see family members, and that's 'fine'?

Wow. Dog ownership is a big statement about your priorities within a family, isn't it?

Non dog-owners have to dance to the dog-owning tune or lose contact?

(no-one in my extended family has a dog, thank goodness, reading al this!)

[MiddletonPink]

You shouldn't leave a dog for more than 4 hours. Anyone who does is in the wrong unless they have someone coming in to see to it.

My dogs aren't surrogate dc. I have my own children.
But their welfare is important. I do not leave them for more than a few hours at a time.

I'm not being selfish or entitled by doing this. I'm thinking about the dogs. That's it.

[MeMyselfAnd1]

The don't leave a dog for more than 4 hours is a British fancy. Of course that if the dog is not used to be on its own for longer than that time, he won't be happy about it.

I have a dog that I consider a proper member of my family, and as such he is expected to be able to compromise from time to time.

[BeCool]

They can take the dog to Scotland but not to see you. They have their priorities set pretty firmly - I think the dog is an excuse and they just can't be arsed.

Focus on your priorities.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"They've said a flat out no and that it's either a pub/restaurant near them again or they can't see us."
Sorry, but I think the dog is a red herring. Why wasn't that their automatic response to your suggestion 'Well, we could but we'd have to bring the dog'? But they didn't do that, it was "a flat no".

Since their dog has been OK driving to Scotland, it would be fine on the two-hour trip to yours (Our dog loves being in the car). You're happy to suggest that they bring the dog. I'd go back to them and make the suggestion, and hold firm about you not making the trip this time. Even without your IBS (and frankly you should be prioritising your needs a bit more here, it's horrible not having unfettered access to a loo whenever you need one), it really is time they took their turn with the driving. But as I said, I think they're just using the dog as an excuse to get out of making an effort.

Make the suggestion, and if they still won't compromise, call their bluff.

[Skinnydecafflatte]

Is it just me that suspects ManchesterMummy's MIL is a secret smoker?

[KatieKaye]

Taking pet-friendly holidays is fine.

But it sounds like they use the dog as an excuse not to come and visit you as their trip to Scotland probably took a lot longer than 2 hours. is it a control thing, using the dog as an excuse?

[Writerwannabe83]

"This year they went all the way to Scotland, even though they didn't particularly want to go because the dog had never been."

Bloody hell - this is one of the most insane and funniest things I have seen on MN for a while!! Are people really this disturbed??

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Hilarious!

My dog stays in the car a lot. He is fine.

[maddy68]

I can also see both sides. You can't leave a dog alone for hours on end. I think the solutions are.

1. You go there (don't use the ibs as an excuse. There are enough toilets on the motorway ) disclaimer I also have ibs
   

2- they come to you, make it clear the dog is welcome
3- a meeting point 1/2 way which is a dog friendly restaurant loads of country pubs are dog friendly

[Andrewofgg]

Writerwannabe83 Yes they are this disturbed about their dogs. Keep an eye open on AIBU and you'll see worse.

[Writerwannabe83]

Thanks for the tip In the meantime I'm going to go and find my cats and ask where they fancy going next Summer....

[SistersOfPercy]

Oh God is this me? lol I've been threatening to take our dog to Scotland for a while because he's a Scottie but more because I've never been and always wanted to go so I use the dog to try and persuade DH.

Fortunately I know it's not because DS lives up the road and we'll be at home this Christmas. And the dog will have a Christmas lunch with us (minus the stuffing and the pigs in blankets). He is treated like child #3 though, I admit I have a tendency to get a little batshit where dog is concerned...