To not want to plan Christmas around a dog?

[Nativity3]

We don't have a dog so maybe this is normal and IABU but I would like to know as it's annoying me!

The in-laws have a dog. He is like their child and they talk about him on the phone like I talk about my dc.

We live about 2 hours apart and always meet up over Christmas. We always end up going to them and meeting at a pub as they can't leave the dog for a day to come to us. I've always accepted this but do find the drive hard as it often takes longer than 2 hours in traffic and when you suffer with IBS this can be a nightmare especially with not many toilet stops on the M25.

This year I suggested they come to us or we meet half way at a restaurant and have a lunchtime meal. We could still see each other but takes the pressure off us a bit.

They've said a flat out no and that it's either a pub/restaurant near them again or they can't see us.

AIBU to want them to make a bit of effort and come and see us for a change?

[nocoolnamesleft]

I think the problem isn't that they consider their dog to be part of the family, but that they don't seem to consider their actual family to also be part of the family....I feel sorry for their grandchildren.

[Floralnomad]

They live only 2 hours away and it sounds like neither you or them want to put in any effort to see each other so why bother at all . Why do you meet at a pub near them when you go there rather than going to their home? If you meet half way and have a meal that's going to be at least 3 hours away from the dog ,if the dog is not used to being left for that long it could be very stressful for it .

[ClumsyParents]

Sisters you say your dog is child #3 yet he doesn't get pigs in blankets or stuffing for his Christmas dinner?! . What kind of neglectful parent are you?! Poor dog having to make do with just meat and veggies. You should be ashamed of yourself!


Myyyy dog loves his Christmas dinner (including pigs in blankets and stuffing) He also loves his Sunday dinner too but don't tell anyone we give him this, they'll think we're soft in the head

[SistersOfPercy]

clumsy pork makes him fart and I just can't inflict that on DD because he sleeps at the end of her bed
he also has sunday dinner

[manchestermummy]

at the secret smoking but maybe!!!!

[Ilovetobiteyourneck]

The dog is obviously a red herring, else they would be happy enough to meet halfway, take the dog for a walk and then have lunch - ie the perfect Sunday for any dog owner.

Call their bluff and see what they say.

But I do just have to say that, imo, there is nothing wrong with treating a dog like it's a member of your family because I do.

[Gillian1980]

^"If we can't manage that then we can't go, that's the bottom line.

But I also wouldn't expect people to have their lives affected by our pets. If they didn't want to or couldn't visit us instead then that is absolutely fine!" So if other family members can't do the travelling all the time you just never see family members, and that's 'fine'?

Wow. Dog ownership is a big statement about your priorities within a family, isn't it?

Non dog-owners have to dance to the dog-owning tune or lose contact?^

Well, as I said in the previous paragraph in the same post, we try to get somebody to look after the pets so that we can be the ones to visit. But if we can't get this arranged, we don't have another option. Our pets aren't dogs, they're not animals that can travel and come with us.

So if we can't go because we have no pet care in place then our families are welcome to visit us, but we wouldn't be offended if they chose not to.

If everyone is happy with that in our family then there's no problem. If other families aren't ok with it then clearly they would need to find a different arrangement.

[carlsonrichards]

What a pair of nutters.

You offered to go halfway. They won't.

So don't see them. Seriously.

Only in the UK do people think it's cruel to leave a fecking dog on its own for a few hours.

In the real world, millions do just fine on their own whilst the owners go to work or have a life because, well, they are dogs, not young children. And in plenty of places, they are a ready source of meat.

They have made it clear: they value a dog more than their son and grandchildren.

So leave them to it.

[ApocalypseNowt]

Could you suggest they 'sell' the trip to visit you to the dog as another holiday? Maybe they could tell it they're going to scotland again then you can all dress in tartan and placate the dog with some shortbread.

[VivaLeBeaver]

Would they not consider travelling with the dog and leaving the dog in the car while you eat? That's what I'd do (at this time of year, not I. Summer).

Dog isn't left alone for too long. Yes it might get chilly in the car but I figure dogs have thick fur coats and I'd take old towels/dog bed for dog to snuggle down into.

When I go see the in laws the dog isn't allowed in the house. So he stays in the car and I pop out a few times to give him a quick leg stretch. Not ideal but the alternative is a 10 hour home alone stretch with a visit by the dog walker. I think he prefers the car.

[Thebodynowchillingsothere]

I value my cats over other people's children.

I mean I wouldn't wish them harm but I don't love any random child and I do love my cats.

They have smoked salmon and cream at Christmas

[MisForMumNotMaid]

search by area dog friendly pubs the dog can come and meet with you too!

[girlywhirly]

I think the ILS have made themselves clear that they don't want to come to yours or meet you halfway. So don't see them. They aren't bothered obviously, they are using the dog as an excuse, if they don't feel up to the drive why can't they just be honest. It's unfair to expect you to always go to them. I'd let DH deal with them.

[AliceLidl]

"They do go on holiday but only on dog friendly holidays. This year they went all the way to Scotland, even though they didn't particularly want to go because the dog had never been."

This is the best thing I have ever read on the internet, ever.

Come to think of it though, my dog has never been to Scotland, and she is a Scottish Terrier. So that's next years holiday sorted, we'll take the dog on a trip to the homeland.

[Floralnomad]

goingchristmascrackers it's not Christmas Day that is being discussed its a random day over the Christmas period .

[londonrach]

Manchester...did i miss that a dog secretly smoking (goes back to page one)

[hoobypickypicky]

Inconvenienced goingchristmascrackers?

If that's what you think it is you've misunderstood the difference between 'inconvenience' and 'irresponsible neglect'. A pet isn't like a household item like a fridge or a soup bowl. You can't just leave a dog alone in the house for 8 hours or more like you would a wooden spoon. A pet is a living creature, part of the family and a serious responsibility.

Nativity you have 3 clear choices. Visit the in laws, host the in laws and their dog or accept that you won't see them. There is no fourth option of the in laws leaving the dog for several hours and YABU to expect them to.

[AcrossthePond55]

DH and I are 'that old(-ish) couple with that little dog'. He means the world to us, especially DH. They're practically inseparable. We RV and he's been all over with us. BUT we know (as a rule) where and when he should be with us and where and when he should not be. Is there not 'doggy daycare' in the UK? PiLs could leave poochie for the day and pick him up when they get back. We board ours when needed (although it traumatizes him DH) and the dog is just fine!. We've even arranged doggy daycare for him for our upcoming trip to Disney World.

I agree that this is more about them just not wanting to be bothered to travel. Otherwise the Scotland trip wouldn't have happened.

[Purpleroxy]

I'd just do the drive to the inlaws and get it over with. If you don't you'll spend ages:
-stressing in advance like you are now
-never hearing the end of it
Take stuff in the car for your ibs. Either pills and or toilet facilities.

[FixItUpChappie]

You can't leave a dog alone for 8 hrs? Don't dog owners work? going to lunch 2 hrs always is animal neglect and cruelty? Bonkers, seriously.

[FixItUpChappie]

Away not always obv

[Blu]

The OP has not said she will not host the dog at her house!

Given that dog ownership seems to require the rest of the family to agree to do all the travelling if families are to get together, do would-be-dog-owners consul with other members of the family before expecting them to work round the dogs needs and be told they are BU if they question why they must always be the ones to do a long round trip?

What do dog owners do when invited to a wedding? I am surprised this doesn't feature more alongside the child-free wedding threads.

[carlsonrichards]

Take toilet facilities? For painful, explosive diarrhoea? Sure, just pull into a layby, OP, drop trous and let it rip in public.

Hey, all you IBS sufferers, did you realise you could just swallow a magic pill and it all goes away? Who'd have thunk it!