To not want to plan Christmas around a dog?

[Nativity3]

We don't have a dog so maybe this is normal and IABU but I would like to know as it's annoying me!

The in-laws have a dog. He is like their child and they talk about him on the phone like I talk about my dc.

We live about 2 hours apart and always meet up over Christmas. We always end up going to them and meeting at a pub as they can't leave the dog for a day to come to us. I've always accepted this but do find the drive hard as it often takes longer than 2 hours in traffic and when you suffer with IBS this can be a nightmare especially with not many toilet stops on the M25.

This year I suggested they come to us or we meet half way at a restaurant and have a lunchtime meal. We could still see each other but takes the pressure off us a bit.

They've said a flat out no and that it's either a pub/restaurant near them again or they can't see us.

AIBU to want them to make a bit of effort and come and see us for a change?

[VoyagesOfAStarship]

:o This year they went all the way to Scotland, even though they didn't particularly want to go because the dog had never been

Did the dog say "FFS where the hell am I? Why is everyone talking funny?"

[OddFodd]

Can you take your dog into Edinburgh Castle to see the stuffed dog (Bobby?)? That'd be a nice outing I expect

[MiddletonPink]

So Carlson you think people should leave their dogs all day so they can go out?

You think it's ok for people to mistreat an animal? How is that ok?

[Morloth]

I am a crazy cat lady.

I don't expect anyone else to adjust their schedule to her.

We have a mutually beneficial arrangement. In return for food and shelter she gives us amusement and soft furriness.

She would eat me if she had to as I would her.

When we had a dog we used to go on dog friendly holidays.

Nothing wrong with having critters. A lot wrong with expecting other people to cater to them.

[SconeRhymesWithGone]

My dog would like to go to Wales. But it's a long way from Florida.

[Writerwannabe83]

We're all going on a Doggy Holiday

[VivaLeBeaver]

And I've bought a caravan so we can have nice doggie holidays.

[MiddletonPink]

But you can go out for 8 hours if you have a cat and not give it a second thought

Cats either use a litter tray or use a cat flap. They don't really give a toss if you're in or out.

[carlsonrichards]

I think it's fine, Middleton. Many people all over the world do just that. Only on MN is it considered the same as kicking the poor creature daily. I lived in Hong Kong it was very popular to keep dogs in small apartments and work crazy hours. The wee dogs seemed allright.

Yes, I think it's just fine as long as it has access to food and water.

You think it's mistreatment. That's fine.

[ChippingInAutumnLover]

Op - you should call the dog, see if he wants to come to yours. He could come on the train if they don't want to drive.

[VivaLeBeaver]

Yes, you need to get the dog on side.

[MiddletonPink]

What about going to the toilet Carlson?

How is a dog left all day supposed to do that?

[Writerwannabe83]

Can't wait for my Christmas Dinner...

[Writerwannabe83]

Maybe the dog could be taught to use the toilet like the cat did in the film "Meet the Parents" ??

[Morloth]

We had a dog flap, she used to let herself in and out as necessary.

Where I live this was seen as madness because obviously you leave the dog outside when you are at work with plenty of food water and shelter then they can crap/pee at their convenience.

I wouldn't have a dog without free access outside.

[Libitina]

This is funny, sorry OP. Stick to your guns, if they really wanted to see you all they would make the effort.

[ZeViteVitchofCwismas]

He spoke on the doorstep for a minute but she didn't come and I had to ask if it was okay for dd to use the toilet and he reluctantly said yes (he kept us in the hallway with no offer of a drink or anything before we travelled home).

Oh no, I have relis like this.
They may be doing it as they don't like you but I suspect they are simply not naturally hospitable people.

This would never ever have happened in my childhood home. Even people sat in cars waiting for me or my siblings would be greeted by parents outside and asked to come in.

I find it odd when people are not the same but sadly I have learned the hard way some people are not naturally sociable. I feel even more they are hiding behind the dog, but perhaps not in such a personal way to your dh and you just the way they are.

[ZeViteVitchofCwismas]

SconeRhymesWithGone Sat 15-Nov-14 21:33:58

[nochangewanted]

I once had Ex not come to contact with his DS due to the MIL's dog been upset there had been a thunder storm. ..

[MaryWestmacott]

Thing is, if you have a dog, of course you can go out for more than 4 hours, same as people with small children are able to hold done full time jobs and have a social life, you just have to make arrangements for care.

And dog care for a day (that isn't 25th dec) is easy, a neighbour popping in for 20 minutes to let the dog out and full it's food & water bowls would be enough.

I agree with others, seems they are using the dog as an excuse to make you do the travelling and the work, a restaurant near them is the easiest for them.

You've done your turn in pervious years, they can bring the dog to your house, go to a dog friendly pub near you /half way, arranging dog care for a day. If they say no, it's because they can't be arsed, and the "fur baby" hasn't caused that.

Don't put effort in until they have. It's hard for them to travel, it's hard for you to travel, you take it in turns to do the work.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"He's much more of an old grump than her....me and dd knocked on the off chance on the way home from the hospital and he wouldn't let us in. He spoke on the doorstep for a minute but she didn't come and I had to ask if it was okay for dd to use the toilet and he reluctantly said yes (he kept us in the hallway with no offer of a drink or anything before we travelled home)."
My jaw just dropped at this. Shocking, shocking behaviour. But it confirms to me that the dog is absolutely an excuse. Put your health first and call their bluff. I might even have a bit of fun with it:-

'Of course the dog can come! It's never been here before, it' ll be just like going to Scotland'.

'Really? That must be a bit of a blow! Won't go in the car at all? So you won't be able to go on holiday EVER AGAIN?'

'Well on the plus side, if you're always going to be in now, we could just pop in anytime. We might have to be up your way soon ...'

[Betsy003]

If they aren't prepared to meet you half way don't bothet

[Gennz]

I really would love to take my dog to Scotland, he's a border terrier and I think he would like to see the land of his ancestors only slightly joking Sadly we live in NZ so it's not going to happen but he has been on beach, ski and vineyard holidays ...

Until I went on mat leave, DH and I both worked full time office hours so he was left 3 days for 8 ish hours. He wasn't bothered at all, would stretch out on our super king size bed in the sun with his head on my pillow. The other weekdays he goes to doggy daycare. The picture of an abused dog! That said, I would feel weird about driving somewhere 2 hours away without taking him/leaving him with someone in case something happened and I couldn't get back to him in a reasonable amount of time.

This thread has totally moved off the OP hasn't it?! crazed dog lady takeover

[RedSoloCup]

Maybe they don't realise you are okay with them bringing their dog to you? TBH I wouldn't leave ours for more than 3-4 hours, we stay local on Christmas day but we come home halfway through and walk him as I would feel bad otherwise.

[temporaryusername]

I think the dog is a red herring here. If the dog goes on holiday then he/she obviously is ok with travel. You've offered to have the dog at your house, or to meet at a dog friendly pub around an hour from their house. I just don't see how refusal of those options can be about the dog.

From what you say of the time you dropped by, there is probably another problem. It may be hostility or emotional distance, it may be some kind of mental health issue. It just isn't the dog.