To not want to plan Christmas around a dog?

[Nativity3]

We don't have a dog so maybe this is normal and IABU but I would like to know as it's annoying me!

The in-laws have a dog. He is like their child and they talk about him on the phone like I talk about my dc.

We live about 2 hours apart and always meet up over Christmas. We always end up going to them and meeting at a pub as they can't leave the dog for a day to come to us. I've always accepted this but do find the drive hard as it often takes longer than 2 hours in traffic and when you suffer with IBS this can be a nightmare especially with not many toilet stops on the M25.

This year I suggested they come to us or we meet half way at a restaurant and have a lunchtime meal. We could still see each other but takes the pressure off us a bit.

They've said a flat out no and that it's either a pub/restaurant near them again or they can't see us.

AIBU to want them to make a bit of effort and come and see us for a change?

[carlsonrichards]

No wonder there are so many dogs languishing in shelters if you cannot leave then more than a couple of hours. Must be an awful lot of people who work from home on here.

[Sallystyle]

No access to toilet facilities?

Really?

My dogs would have no hesitation in shitting on the floor if they needed to.

I'm glad you said that as I was starting to worry about my dogs not needing toilet facilities. If they really wanted to go they would hold on for a while and if I don't take them out they would just pee/crap indoors. Obviously it is not ideal, but a dog isn't going to suffer if they can't get outside, they would just do it indoors.

I never leave my dogs for long but as a one off I would not consider it abuse to leave them for 8 hours. I would rather not, and have never left them for longer than 4 hours because I haven't needed to, but for a once a year visit? yeah, I would be ok with that. And if someone wanted to call me a dog abuser because I left mine as a one off for 8 hours in a warm house with a bed, water and food and space to play I would laugh in their faces.

[MiddletonPink]

I think you're using the ibs as an excuse tbh.

You've got a bee in your bonnet because the inlaws are putting their dog first.

Good for them.

Stopgap you are a dog owner and you think it's ok to leave a dog 8 hours? Even as a one off?

[lomega]

Oh my God. Your ILs sound like how my DGM sounded when she had a dog. Sadly (I genuinely mean sadly here) the dog died last year, but we now see a lot more of my DGM and she stays out longer/doesn't clockwatch etc.

I've had dogs all my life. And yes I think you should be aware that you can't leave a dog all day on its own, or leave it overnight for example, as that's cruel. We had a rule of 4 hours max when I was growing up where the dogs were not allowed to be left any longer than that on their own, BUT. If it was a special occasion, we organised a dogsitter, or asked if we could take them with us.

Your ILs are being a bit U. What about them bringing pooch to you? Or organising someone to let it out in the day? Or going to a dog-friendly pub? They don't have to let it shrivel up like a prune at home (I imagine this is what they think will happen !)

[VivaLeBeaver]

Diddl, the one that did that is still getting the hang of house training.

But I think it does show that dogs aren't naturally bothered about whether they shit in the house or not. Though I guess as they get the hang of house training maybe they'd be more bothered?? But honestly I think the concept of them being bothered is humans projecting our thoughts onto them.

A dog would probably hang on for a while and then metaphorically shrug its shoulders and shit on the floor.

I don't leave my dogs for eight hours btw. I'm at home three days a week and we have a dog walker the others day. But if people do it as an occasional thing its not the worst thing ever.

[lomega]

Just for the record, a friend of a friend had a doberman that died from a twisted stomach because he was left so long and refused to poop indoors :/
At least that was what the vet put the cause down to. Still makes me rage when I think about it

[Nativity3]

I am not using my IBS as an excuse. Having to go 6 times in an hour is not fun I can assure you. Yes I can --and I do travel with it. But to do so I have to take 3 tablets (and more if I have IBS on the journey) which then affects me horribly for a few days after.

He's much more of an old grump than her....me and dd knocked on the off chance on the way home from the hospital and he wouldn't let us in. He spoke on the doorstep for a minute but she didn't come and I had to ask if it was okay for dd to use the toilet and he reluctantly said yes (he kept us in the hallway with no offer of a drink or anything before we travelled home).

[MiddletonPink]

Poor dog lomega.

It just bugs that because some people don't have dogs and don't understand their needs that they think the people who do actually care about their pets and treat them in the way they should that they are wrong.

Just because it doesn't fit in with their plans.

Dogs don't care or understand that it's Christmas!

[MiddletonPink]

But you just said you can and do travel.

When it's important to you.

Like you said in your OP you are annoyed. You don't like the fact they treat their dog like a child.

[Floralnomad]

I think most well house trained dogs would have to be really desperate and distressed before they messed in the house ! I'm sure there are some dogs that can be happily left for longish periods but if a dog is not used to it ( which this dog obviously is not) it would be very unfair on it .

[Morloth]

Dog people are crazy.

No way no how would I be driving 2 hours to see someone based solely on what was best for their dog, and that is without your health issue.

Leave them to their dog.

[CrapBag]

"this year they went all the way to Scotland, even though they didn't particularly want to go because the dog had never been"

Sorry but I am in stitches over this. Like a fucking dog knows the difference between one big space to run around over another!

So I am assuming that all these dog lovers who cannot leave their dogs either don't work or take them to work with them?

OP YANBU, tell them you won't be seeing each other this year then. Why should you have to plan your visits around their sodding dog. Its a pet not their PFB.

[Albadross]

I have this exact problem. Mil's dog (a very young collie from a rescue centre) prevents them doing anything at all, ever.

I have a feeling they got the dog for that reason too, to cover for Mil's anxiety.

We bought a flat over a year ago and we have a 19 month old, and they've NEVER come to see us.

I've loved pets in the past as if there were people, but I draw the line at getting a new dog when you know that will prevent then seeing their grandchild, or force us to spend hundreds of pounds every time we visit (because their house is shambolic and very unsafe for DS because there are sockets hanging off walls, cat sick everywhere and a collie dog who gets jealous and growls at him.

We're not going for xmas this year and I hope they might finally get the message...

[Writerwannabe83]

This is why I don't understand why people have dogs. Why would you want something that puts such restrictions on your life?

[MiddletonPink]

Morloth you think people with dogs shouldn't look after their dogs?

If you have a dog the fact is you cannot just go out all day. Fuck all to do with being crazy.

[carlsonrichards]

'You don't like the fact they treat their dog like a child.'

Because it's bonkers.

But I agree, Morloth, leave 'em to it.

IBS is dreadful. The docs kept saying it's what DH had, but it was actually Chron's, so make noise if the treatment is still leaving you miserable.

[carlsonrichards]

'If you have a dog the fact is you cannot just go out all day. Fuck all to do with being crazy.'

Sure you can. Lots of people do. Because they have to, you know, work.

[MiddletonPink]

They are responsible.

Nothing to do with treating them like children.

[MiddletonPink]

Leaving a dog all day while you go out to work isn't right or fair.
Responsible dog owners who do work make alternative arrangements for their dog ie dog walker or coming home at lunch.

[Fabulous46]

So I am assuming that all these dog lovers who cannot leave their dogs either don't work or take them to work with them?

I work part time. DH and I work our days that when I'm not home he is and vice versa. We have a working farm and he's also a farrier. So yes, we both work.

[OttiliaVonBCup]

People have dogs for a variety of reasons.

Loneliness, need for company, need to have some structure of their day, need to talk to someone other than that radio, need to look after someone when the children have left home. Dogs give couples the bond they might lose after the children have their own family.

They fill a void. They make people happy.

Should not be so hard to understand and accept.

[OttiliaVonBCup]

I work.
DH works.

We always make sure the dog is never on his own for long.

[SconeRhymesWithGone]

I'm confused. If they went to Scotland with the dog, why can't they come to your house with the dog? Did I miss something?

[Writerwannabe83]

But the dog wanted to go to Scotland scone

Maybe the dog doesn't fancy Christmas at the OP's house?

[Morloth]

I don't give a fuck what people do with their dogs.

It just isn't going to be my problem.

People can be over involved with their animals and I can think they are crazy. That is how it goes.