To not want to plan Christmas around a dog?

[Nativity3]

We don't have a dog so maybe this is normal and IABU but I would like to know as it's annoying me!

The in-laws have a dog. He is like their child and they talk about him on the phone like I talk about my dc.

We live about 2 hours apart and always meet up over Christmas. We always end up going to them and meeting at a pub as they can't leave the dog for a day to come to us. I've always accepted this but do find the drive hard as it often takes longer than 2 hours in traffic and when you suffer with IBS this can be a nightmare especially with not many toilet stops on the M25.

This year I suggested they come to us or we meet half way at a restaurant and have a lunchtime meal. We could still see each other but takes the pressure off us a bit.

They've said a flat out no and that it's either a pub/restaurant near them again or they can't see us.

AIBU to want them to make a bit of effort and come and see us for a change?

[OttiliaVonBCup]

Of course you cannot leave a dog on its own for 8 hours.
It's abuse.

[Nativity3]

I'd Love to know where all these toilets are Maddy there is a stretch of about an hour (we've sat for over 2 hours longer in traffic) and there is no where to go to toilet.

[Scotlandfordogs]

I live in Glasgow. Get them to put the dog on a train and I'll have him for a wee break while they visit with their human family. He can stay for Hogmanay!

[carlsonrichards]

Abuse. To leave a dog in its own for 8 hours. FFS.

[OttiliaVonBCup]

Yes, a dog happens to be a living creature.

Of course this is not the case in OP inlaws.
They would not need to leave theirs for so long and they could try and meet OP in a dog friendly pub.

[hoobypickypicky]

Oh shit Chunderella, it's me who didn't properly RTFT isn't it?!

Let me try again now that I've seen what was actually written on the screen.

Sorry, Nativity, YANBU. I can see that you're willing to invite the in laws and their dog - there isn't much more you can do, is there? They might change their minds and be willing to travel to you once you've suggested to them that they bring him too. I hope so.

And carlsonrichards, it is abusive to leave a dog alone for 8 hours or more.

Hooby makes appointment with the optician

[carlsonrichards]

Erm, no, it's not abuse. It is a dog.

[OttiliaVonBCup]

What's wrong with you?

[Fabulous46]

Erm, no, it's not abuse. It is a dog.

It is abuse if you left a dog for hours on end locked in with no access to toilet facilities. Poor thing.

[carlsonrichards]

What's wrong with you?

I don't put dogs before people. People are more important to me.

MILLIONS of people have dogs and leave them to go and work, you know, earn money to pay for the dog's home, food, etc. and the dog is fine, no one comes and removes it for abuse because, it's a dog.

[diddl]

Oh OP, it's lovely of you to consider inviting the dog to yours as well.

I do think that they could consider meeting halfway as well though!

[OttiliaVonBCup]

I don't want to derail this thread.
But you need to take a long hard look at yourself.
If you can bear it, of course.

Any living creature can be abused. And sadly too many are.

[carlsonrichards]

I look at myself every day. Feel fine with that. I don't see leaving a dog on its own for 8 hours is abuse.

I think people who think dogs are more important than people are bonkers, too.

The ILs find their dog more important than their son and grandchildren.

So stuff them, OP. The dog can visit them in hospital when they are ill, sort out nursing care for them if they need it, handle their estate after they die . . .oh, wait.

[Sparklingbrook]

It's not abuse, but it's not very nice for a dog to be left for 8 hours IMO.

[whatever5]

The dog is just an excuse for them to do have everything their own way i.e. have Christmas near or at their own house. My parents are similar (no dog but they find other excuses to make everyone visit them rather than the other way around). Don't bother meeting up with them this Christmas.

[Sparklingbrook]

Battersea Dog Home. In FAQs-

Can I rehome a dog if I have a full time job?
Dogs are very much companion animals and do tend to suffer if left alone for extended periods of time. As a general rule of thumb, an adult, mature dog over five years old should not be left for more than four to six hours on a regular basis. A dog younger than this can generally be left a couple of hours but puppies should not really be left at all when they are very young, and the time they spend alone should be very gradually built up.

[stopgap]

Good grief. As a one-off, it's absolutely fine to leave the dog for eight hours. I would absolutely do the same if it meant seeing my children over Christmas. I have two dogs, and if that was us, I would take the dog for a huge walk beforehand, and let him rest for the remainder of the day. My dogs are a cherished part of my family, too, I don't ever leave my dogs for that long, but you can bet your bottom dollar I would if there were children/grandchildren involved.

[Sparklingbrook]

Does it not depend on the dog? I imagine some dogs deal with being left at home better than others?

[VivaLeBeaver]

No access to toilet facilities?

Really?

My dogs would have no hesitation in shitting on the floor if they needed to. I can stand there with the back door open and one of them will be 3ft away from me, give me a look and then crimp a length off in the middle of the dining room.

[diddl]

Surely them using the house as a toilet because they are so desperate isn't a good thing??

Why would your dog shit in the house if you have the door to the garden open?

[addictedtobass]

This has nothing to do with the dog, the dog is just a convenient excuse to have things their way. They're happy to travel and make other arrangements for themselves or other people, just not for yourselves- probably because they know you'll do as they want in the end. If you offer to have the dog over or choose a dog friendly pub halfway and they still say no then they're using the dog as an excuse.

[Looseleaf]

My brother's dog would be extremely stressed being left for longer than a couple of hours. They are all different. But OP has been sensitive already offering for them to bring the dog.
If this were me OP I'd invite them for a meal in your house with the dog as then a) they feel welcomed after taking in the drive and b) you don't have to drive and c) dog should be fine! Whatever happens I
Hope it works out well and that you get to spend time together

[Fabulous46]

I wouldn't leave my dogs for 8 hours. I have 2 house dogs and 4 working dogs. I just think it's unfair on them to leave them for that length of time. The working dogs are settled down for the night at around 11 as are the house dogs and they all have access to outside toilet facilities 24/7.

OP, you have given your in laws the option of bringing the dog with them. There not much else you can do if they're still not willing to travel. You've given them a few options, it sounds like they are a bit set in their ways.