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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not go to a wedding this Saturday.

197 replies

Vintagecrap · 14/08/2014 08:44

I have an invite, no plus one.
I've not seen the groom for 3 years, have met the bride maybe twice.
I will know people going, but the last time I saw most of them was over 15 years ago, while they have all stayed good friends.

There is a fair bit of driving involved, so I can't drink.

I can't take dd so need to get a babysitter. Dd comes back from 2 weeks at her fathers the day before.

I will need to get someone to cover my shift at work the next day, so will lose money.

I'm very skint and can't afford a cash gift ( as has been asked for)

It's take your own booze (but I wouldn't be drinking)

Take your own chair ( no seating)

And limited parking.

Would it be crap of me to not go?

OP posts:
HannerHet · 14/08/2014 08:46

Why have you left it so late? It would be rude to cancel so close to the day. I wouldn't want to go either, but you should have declined the invitation when you received it

Tinkerball · 14/08/2014 08:47

Im guessing you knew all this, why didnt you just say you couldnt go when you got the invite?

LadyLuck10 · 14/08/2014 08:48

Take your own chair and booze? Sounds like you won't miss much.
I would cancel. It's not like they have reserved a seat for you.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/08/2014 08:48

If you've said you would go, so they've allocated food etc, then yes, it would be crap not to go.

loveheart45 · 14/08/2014 08:48

Well. I see your point. If you need to drive you can not drink. But you have had an invitation. It is your choice whether you go or not. I would personally go, however its your choice.

Nicknacky · 14/08/2014 08:48

I think it would be quite rude not to attend at such late notice if you have already rsvp'd. I spent my wedding morning juggling last min cancellations (obviously people could be ill, etc but deciding not to go is a different thing altogether)

It sounds like a crap wedding but most of the issues you would have been aware of when you got the invitation?

Tinkerball · 14/08/2014 08:48

What kind of wedding is take your own chair anyway, Ive never heard of that!

PinkyHasNoEars · 14/08/2014 08:48

What made you say yes when you first accepted the invitation? Was it about seeing people you haven't seen for a while? Do those reasons still stand?

It does seem late to change your mind to be honest.

KoalaDownUnder · 14/08/2014 08:48

You obviously don't want to - and I don't blame you!

But have you rsvp'd 'yes'? If so, I agree that it's a bit late now.

Why wouldn't you be able to work the next day? How far away is it?!

PureMorning · 14/08/2014 08:49

Did you rsvp?

Higheredserf · 14/08/2014 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Onesleeptillwembley · 14/08/2014 08:50

Take your own chair? Bollocks to that. It sounds hideous. And they've got the double nerve to ask for cash?

FoxSticks · 14/08/2014 08:50

Have you already accept the invite? If so YABU. If it's a last minute invite YANBU.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/08/2014 08:51

I wasn't aware of most of it till Monday when an email was sent round. I guess if I was friends with them I might have known sooner?

Dd was meant to come back from her dad's after the weekend but that changed this week too..

I thought it would be ok if I could drink but now it's got nearer the time, the thought of going on my own and not knowing anyone, with no booze to ease it, is actually quite scary.

OP posts:
magpiegin · 14/08/2014 08:51

It's a bit too late to cancel now, it's really stressful to deal with last minute cancellations when you're getting married. As you'd already said yes you'll have to suck it up and go.

BlinkAndMiss · 14/08/2014 08:51

I can understand why you wouldn't want to go, it depends on the circumstances of the wedding as to whether YABU or not really.

Is it a huge wedding? Have you been catered for? If it's a sit down meal or somewhere that charges per head then, if you've already said you'd go, YABU. But if it's very informal and a buffet then that's a bit different.

You might have fun, the groom must still consider you a friend if he's invited you even though you haven't really been in touch with each other. You might enjoy catching up with everyone you haven't seen for so long.

CrohnicallyDepressed · 14/08/2014 08:51

Are you invited to the actual wedding? If so, it would be very rude to not go. But if it's an evening do/reception type thing, well, I couldn't tell you if everyone who RSVPed a yes came to mine. It's not like I stood at the door with a register ticking people off who attended! I'd probably cancel quoting last minute childcare problems.

PinkyHasNoEars · 14/08/2014 08:52

Time for strategic d&v?

magpiegin · 14/08/2014 08:52

Why can't you work the next day if you're driving?

Nicknacky · 14/08/2014 08:53

The only things you will have been made aware of are seating, parking and taking your own drink. The rest of you you knew anyway? Yes, I think you would be unreasonable not to go.

Could the original plans for your daughter be reinstated?

KoalaDownUnder · 14/08/2014 08:54

Oh, and you don't have to give them a cash gift just because they asked for one, either.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/08/2014 08:55

Just say no you are not able to go

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/08/2014 08:56

I can't work the next day due to locations.

I'm invited to the whole thing, no sit down meal, think it's a bbq.

I was thinking it would be nice to see people, but everyone is in couples and are still close friends. And will be drinking. I'll be on my own, haven't seem people since I was 19...and now 36. And will be stone cold sober.

It's just a bit terrifying on my own.

OP posts:
FoxSticks · 14/08/2014 08:56

I thought everyone on here loved a DIY wedding, and it was just big weddings that were seen as awful? So big and budget weddings are a no no on here? Maybe its a reception in a garden with a hog roast or bbq. I don't see what's wrong with bringing your own booze - most weddings have a pay bar.

DepressedMom · 14/08/2014 08:57

If you said you would go then YABU.
If you have only just been asked then no, YANBU.