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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not go to a wedding this Saturday.

197 replies

Vintagecrap · 14/08/2014 08:44

I have an invite, no plus one.
I've not seen the groom for 3 years, have met the bride maybe twice.
I will know people going, but the last time I saw most of them was over 15 years ago, while they have all stayed good friends.

There is a fair bit of driving involved, so I can't drink.

I can't take dd so need to get a babysitter. Dd comes back from 2 weeks at her fathers the day before.

I will need to get someone to cover my shift at work the next day, so will lose money.

I'm very skint and can't afford a cash gift ( as has been asked for)

It's take your own booze (but I wouldn't be drinking)

Take your own chair ( no seating)

And limited parking.

Would it be crap of me to not go?

OP posts:

firesidechat · 14/08/2014 14:50

But it doesn't. It's still a wedding. If she assumed it was a traditional formal wedding originally, then that's her assumption. No one is saying she has to camp - it's just an option for those who don't want to get hotel or aren't local enough to travel. I doubt many of those attending will be camping. BYOB - no one complains about a cash bar, those are normal, so what's the difference? Bringing a chair, hardly a big deal, sounds like a nice informal picnic/BBQ style meal outdoors.

Agree with Kentish. I would far rather bring a bottle of nice, or even inferior, wine to a wedding, than pay bar prices. Yet cash bars are seen as perfectly acceptable. I would happily take a chair too.

And yes, I do know that this isn't really the point of the thread, but the op did mention it.

Stresshead123 · 14/08/2014 14:51

Just cancel YANBU

NoImSpartacus · 14/08/2014 16:32

You have to take your own CHAIR? WTF. Sack it off.

ZenGardener · 14/08/2014 16:33

fireside the OP has repeatedly said that she doesn't have a problem with the wedding and she loves a diy wedding.

The issues are lack of money, lack of childcare, difficulties changing shifts with someone at work, transportation to/from the venue and that she doesn't know the people attending very well as she hasn't seen most of them in a long time.

If it was a close friend or relative then I would make the effort but for someone I haven't seen in years I would skip it.

kentishgirl · 14/08/2014 17:14

I know what the OP has said and I have some sympathy for her. I still think it's rude to cancel at the last minute - all those issues were there when she accepted apart from the change in childcare. OK, so cancel because you can't get childcare, fair enough.

I'm just getting a bit steamed at the posters who are basically saying it's fine to cancel because, in their opinion, it's only a shit wedding any way. I'm appalled by that.

YouTheCat · 14/08/2014 17:20

Her financial situation changed due to a very expensive MOT recently though so she can't afford it as well as the childcare issues.

It may or may not be a shit wedding. It's irrelevant to the OP though.

firesidechat · 14/08/2014 17:25

The diy, bringing a chair and bottle and the fact that it's a bbq has been mentioned on here loads of times, sometimes to justify not going, so I was just saying.

Dontgotosleep · 14/08/2014 19:19

Y.N.B.U. It sounds like farse not a wedding. Bring your own chair, are they having a giaraffe in the bath (a laugh). I've never heard anything like it and I've not lead a sheltered life.
A bit strange as well that they've not said you can bring someone else with you.
If you can't go you can't go and that's it. Your reasons come before someone's wedding.

firesidechat · 14/08/2014 19:21

It's some couples wedding day and to call it a farce is a bit mean.

wobblyweebles · 14/08/2014 19:51

It's not the end of the world if you don't go. They're clearly not going to be massively out of pocket and they're really not making it easy for people to go.

inlectorecumbit · 14/08/2014 19:58

Bottom line OP you don't want to go. personally the whole wedding/day sounds like my idea of hell.

Don't go-if you haven't seen the groom for years do you honestly think they would miss you. catering for 1 less person at a BBQ isn't a waste of a fortune.
Use the time and the money to do something you really want to do.
Life is too short.

Dontgotosleep · 14/08/2014 20:23

I don't give 2 hoots if it's mean. Bring your own chair it's laughable as well as a farce. Anyway why are you so angry about some strangers wedding.
Glad I'm not on the guest list!. I can tell you

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 14/08/2014 20:27

Take your own fucking chair?

Have these people not hosted before?

whois · 14/08/2014 20:41

I assume it's a big field/barn with a BBQ type affair than a sit down formal take your own dining chair type thing!

I don't see the problem with taking along a camping chair - most people would be able to borrow one and saves the couple loads of cash on renting chairs.

BYOB is better than a hotel pay bar, but better to run a cost price bar instead I think.

whois · 14/08/2014 20:42

Well. Free bar obviously better than that, but most English people are too right / too concerned with their dress, car, other wedding tat than paying for their guests drinks.

Pancakeflipper · 14/08/2014 20:49

Tell them you cannot go as you have no chairs/rugs.

Don't go, tell them it's childcare which is the truth and wish them well. Then have a lovely time with your DD. I honestly don't think they will miss you or your chair.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 14/08/2014 21:29

Take your own chair? Stay at home in the comfort of your own home and enjoy a drink.

Catsize · 14/08/2014 21:57

Althoughtthis sounds like it could actually be a bit of a good wedding and a bit different, i understand why you feel the way you do.

How about ... 'really sorry for the short notice but I won't be able to join you on Saturday as i am not feeling great. I will raise a glass to you when I feel better'.

They do not need to know that the 'not feeling great' is actually not feeling great about attending their wedding. Therefore, you are not lying and you do not have any 'just bring daughter' awkwardness.

Car boot and camping will be more appreciated by you and your daughter me thinks.

Gosh, I can hear my mum's eyebrow raising at the thought of not attending something that has been accepted.

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 14/08/2014 23:05

The fact that everyone else was told far sooner about camping, bring your own chair etc means that you are not considered a close friend and they won't be too bothered if you don't go.

Do any of these friends have children? It is quite likely that they have no idea how difficult it would be for you to attend. I suggest sending an email explaining that you have no childcare arrangements as ex's plans have changed within the past few days and that you are flat broke, can't afford to pay a babysitter and your DD needs school uniform.

Quite honestly, I don't think I would bother to go to this wedding as it sounds like a lot of extra hassle and expense for people who aren't close friends.

loveheart45 · 17/08/2014 19:33

Did you go to the wedding yesterday?

NoArmaniNoPunani · 17/08/2014 19:42

Take you own chair is very odd

TalisaMaegyr · 19/08/2014 12:57

So what happened OP?

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