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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not go to a wedding this Saturday.

197 replies

Vintagecrap · 14/08/2014 08:44

I have an invite, no plus one.
I've not seen the groom for 3 years, have met the bride maybe twice.
I will know people going, but the last time I saw most of them was over 15 years ago, while they have all stayed good friends.

There is a fair bit of driving involved, so I can't drink.

I can't take dd so need to get a babysitter. Dd comes back from 2 weeks at her fathers the day before.

I will need to get someone to cover my shift at work the next day, so will lose money.

I'm very skint and can't afford a cash gift ( as has been asked for)

It's take your own booze (but I wouldn't be drinking)

Take your own chair ( no seating)

And limited parking.

Would it be crap of me to not go?

OP posts:
KarinMurphy · 14/08/2014 09:27

Don't go.

You've got the perfect excuse in that you have now got your Dd due the a change of plans and can't get a sitter.

Some things can be loads of fun to go to on your own but this sounds like it will be a chore. I did something similar the other week and attended an event just with my son. I had thought it would be great to meet up with old friends but the reality was that after an initial greeting, they all sat together on one big table and got very drunk and we sat on our own at another table, stone cold sober. It was boring and awkward and we sneaked away early.

OnlyLovers · 14/08/2014 09:28

Well, it sounds as though you've made up your mind not to go, so tell them sooner rather than later would be my advice.

I wouldn't tell lies about being ill; just tell the truth about your childcare having changed/fallen through.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/08/2014 09:29

I got a text last night saying I could camp there if I wanted to. Several people are,, but I don't know who.
Again, major info a few days before the event. Everyone else must already know, so I'm an after thought anyway

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 14/08/2014 09:31

I assume the invitation had the location on it? That would have indicated how casual/formal it would be.

BigbyWolf · 14/08/2014 09:31

Oh no! The suggestion of camping would definitely make me stay away!

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/08/2014 09:32

Karin, , that's exactly what I think will happen. If I thought otherwise,, I'd go. But no.

I've tried to organise get togethers in the past but no one's been interested, so I don't know why they would suddenly change now.

There's no public transport. It's in a rural village. Can't afford taxis.

OP posts:
firesidechat · 14/08/2014 09:32

I thought everyone on here loved a DIY wedding, and it was just big weddings that were seen as awful? So big and budget weddings are a no no on here? Maybe its a reception in a garden with a hog roast or bbq. I don't see what's wrong with bringing your own booze - most weddings have a pay bar.

I love a good diy wedding myself and this one sounds just up my street from what the OP describes.

I will probably read the rest of the thread and now and find out that I posted prematurely.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/08/2014 09:33

No, the invite says what hall it's at, but that doesn't mean anything with regards to how formal it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/08/2014 09:35

I love a diy wedding, I've got no issue with that at all, that's not the problem at all

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 14/08/2014 09:35

A hall with no seating?
I think you might be exaggerating a few things here OP to justify not going

firesidechat · 14/08/2014 09:36

BYO chair is crap - it's okay for a casual bbq, but for your wedding, you'd hire some, surely.

Some people have very casual weddings and they are usually the best and most memorable ones too. Not everyone has to follow the crowd and have a hotel do.

KoalaDownUnder · 14/08/2014 09:36

PM'd you, OP.

Sicaq · 14/08/2014 09:37

I wouldn't go, and I bet you won't be the only drop out. The bride and groom probably won't notice, and it's not like a sit-down dinner where the would be a clear absence. They have hardly gone out of their way to be hospitable, so they can't really complain.

expatinscotland · 14/08/2014 09:37

It is probably not a hall. Sounds like might be in a barn.

KoalaDownUnder · 14/08/2014 09:38

Some people have very casual weddings and they are usually the best and most memorable ones too. Not everyone has to follow the crowd and have a hotel do.

Yep. My own sister had a marquee in the back yard, and it was gorgeous. Casual weddings are my fave. You don't have to have 'a hotel do' to provide for your guests. But you do try to make things a bit comfortable and convenient for them. Providing enough chairs is just basic hosting, IMO.

HappyAgainOneDay · 14/08/2014 09:40

I haven't read the whole thread but is it possible that arrangements for the wedding and 'party' afterwards fell by the wayside and emergency plans have had to be made? Hence the BYOC and BYOB.

I suppose that, if they were able to e-mail people, they could have put that reason in it - if that were the case. Just thinking.

Go because it would cost the B&G money if they've catered for you.
Don't go because you don't want to.

You choose.

Marnierose · 14/08/2014 09:40

You need to go. It's too late to cancel

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/08/2014 09:41

I don't know, just had an email to say bring a camping chair or rug as there us limited seating.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 14/08/2014 09:42

Happy, that just occurred to me too. Maybe for some reason there has been a problem and they thought guests would be only too happy to help. Esp as it's their friends and family that are invited. How wrong they were!

averythinline · 14/08/2014 09:43

Was only be hopeful re ex paying Grin
seems off to have that sort of casual wedding and no kids but if they've not got kids or local maybe that works for them ... I wouldn't mind but I like camping Smile would want to take ds though so would be a no from me and would just cancel, blame ex and ...save your money for you and dd to have a nice week....

expatinscotland · 14/08/2014 09:43

Not too late to cancel at all. Childcare arrangements fell through. It happens. If it's a BBQ, they have catered for a range of people. Supposed to rain, too.

firesidechat · 14/08/2014 09:44

I think I must be a bit weird then. Pitching up with a folding chair and a bottle of something to celebrate a wedding sounds like fun.

The couple did send out the details too late though. When my daughter got married everyone knew the plans from the time that the invitations went out.

OcadoSubstitutedMyHummus · 14/08/2014 09:45

Well frankly if you accepted in December it is pretty rude to pull out 48 hours in advance because you've now thought it through and decided you don't like the idea. So if you have decided not to go then tell them asap citing illness or childcare difficulties.

FabulousFudge · 14/08/2014 09:45

I wouldn't go. Ideally you should have declined from the outset or much sooner than now but that's an aside. You have the perfect last minute excuse - regrettably your childcare plans have fallen through. Contact them now. You will feel a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders once your decision has been made and finalised.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/08/2014 09:45

I'm not sure I count as a friend really. I've not seen the groom for 3 years. Had a whole peridot of 10 years where I didn't see or talk to him at all.
Met the bride 3 times.

OP posts: