To think I shouldn't be paying all this out?

[thepolymysticovary]

DP is a self-employed cab driver. He earns around 1200 per month for around 50 hours a week.

I work 20 hours a week and earn around 600 per month. I have been looking for a full-time job, but to no avail. A part time job is better than no job, I say.

Dp and I are childless, and have lived together for coming up to three years now. We both pay half to all househouse bills which adds up to 700, so 350 each.

As I also have to pay 100 for travel expenses to/from work and other little costs, I am left with next to nothing.

As I really struggle each month, I suggested to dp that it would be fairer if I paid 50 per month, and therefore he paid 50 more. Especially as each month I would say he spends at least 50 on his hobby, 30 on going out for drinks and he buys himself clothes whenever he wishes.

Last month, for three weeks, I was walking with holes the size of fifty pence pieces in my shoes because I couldn't afford new ones til I got paid, and the coat I wear is ten years old and rather threadbear.

Granted, he does take me for weekends away, and for meals out a few times a week, so AIBU and just an ungrateful piece of work?

Surely a pro rata'ed proportional agreement would be better.. So he pays half his wages and you pay half of yours, leaving you both with spends for the month?

Your current way doesn't seem fair at all to me

What does your DP think of your holey shoes and threadbare coat?

Yanbu, he should contribute more as he is earning more. You should not have to walk around with shoes like that when you have a partner who should be helping you out as well. Have you spoken to him about this.

Forgot to say that whatever is left in the pot would then pay for couple activities

If neither married nor children then £50 is fair. Why should he subsidise your living costs purely as you work very little? £350 for all the bills is very cheap anyway.

You seem to begrudge he has money for holidays but he works more than twice as many hours as you do.

Meals out a few times a week is quite a lot when you've holes in your shoes

Yanbu

Sorry, the fifth paragraph should say that I would like to pay 50 less than I currently pay per month, not just 50!!!

Have you thought about further training to build your skills to ensure you can earn more money or looking for any additional work.

Can you do a % based on income? £700 split down would be about £250 for you and £235 for you and £465 for him. Not a massive difference to him but all the difference in the world to you!

So he will pay for meals out and weekends away but not pay for new shoes and a new coat?

Do you bring your holey shoes to the weekends away?

Ha, no idea what happened there!

It doesn't sound like you have spoken to him about it

I have tried to talk to him about it, but he thinks I am being greatly unfair expecting him to pay 50 more than me. It's 12.50 a week more he will have to find he says. But he spends loads on his hobby and always has loads of money left over from the bills.

Presumably you do more around the house in the hours you are not working which he isn't doing after his 50 hours?

The way we have always done it is that we tot up bills and spends, like weekends away and meals out, and say that comes to £1000 a month, you pay 333 and he pays 666. So you proportion it out equally. Then it changes as your earnings change.

But what does he say when he sees your holey shoes and threadbare coat?

I dunno, I'd feel a bit aggrieved if I worked more than double the amount of hours than my DH, and we had no children so there is no apparent reason why he couldn't get an additional job, and I was expected to contribute more.

Do you resent the money he spends on his hobby?

Get a second part-time job to increase your wage?

He sees me wear my threadbare coat, I just say I really could do with a new one but can't afford it, he just grunts. As for my holey shoes, I was on a weekend away with them, they really hurt me so I went in the shoe shop, was going to pay with money for bills, but he said he would buy them for me. So he is nice, and very generous when he wants to be.

Another thing is, he plays a foreign lottery and often wins around 400 a time. He says he will take me away on the winnings (which he does) but never offers me any actual money.

Funky, I do everything around the house. He takes the bins out every once in a blue moon.

Yanbu.
Yanbu

My dp earns far more than I do. As a result our contributions are proportional.

My earning will likely increase as his stays the same, so my contributions will increase accordingly.

This is the fairest way to do things in my opinion.

Also, he sounds a twat.

If a man posted this I doubt he would be told of course he should pay less and would likely be called the favourite "clock lodger" and told to pull his finger out and earn more.

OP, how on earth would you support yourself if he wasn't around?

At what point in your relationship do you have 'the conversation'?

When do you (if ever) pool money?
What happens if you have children? Maternity leave/childcare costs etc...
Joint bank accounts?
Savings/pensions/wills/life insurance etc..?

At what point do you change from being a couple who have separate monies to a couple who pool?

You need to be. Ore independent and stop thinking it's ok to rely on someone else. He could pay more, give you money, buy you clothes but really he should not need to. What would you do if this relationship ended you would quite frankly be fucked financially. You need to increase your earning power.

I think it's sad he'd see someone he's meant to love, suffer in a threadbare coat and shoes with holes. Doesn't sound like much of a partnership.