To think I shouldn't be paying all this out?

[thepolymysticovary]

DP is a self-employed cab driver. He earns around 1200 per month for around 50 hours a week.

I work 20 hours a week and earn around 600 per month. I have been looking for a full-time job, but to no avail. A part time job is better than no job, I say.

Dp and I are childless, and have lived together for coming up to three years now. We both pay half to all househouse bills which adds up to 700, so 350 each.

As I also have to pay 100 for travel expenses to/from work and other little costs, I am left with next to nothing.

As I really struggle each month, I suggested to dp that it would be fairer if I paid 50 per month, and therefore he paid 50 more. Especially as each month I would say he spends at least 50 on his hobby, 30 on going out for drinks and he buys himself clothes whenever he wishes.

Last month, for three weeks, I was walking with holes the size of fifty pence pieces in my shoes because I couldn't afford new ones til I got paid, and the coat I wear is ten years old and rather threadbear.

Granted, he does take me for weekends away, and for meals out a few times a week, so AIBU and just an ungrateful piece of work?

He didn't though he bought her shoes

She's said he buys her things, takes her away, he works more than twice as many work hours a week, therefore earns more. Can you get another job so you earn more, then you'd have loads more spending money?
Also, after you've taken your bills off and the hundred for travelling you've got 150.00 every month. Buy a new coat with that?

So, do you think we should move and rent something cheaper with cheaper bills and I should be less reliant on him and just pay my fair share?

1. If I lived with someone, we weren't married, and didn't have kids, I would expect the household expenses to be shared 50/50. Just because he earns more doesn't mean he uses more electricty or water, or that he eats more food. You may not be able to find a fulltime job, but you could take a second part time job.

1. Likewise, household chores should be shared 50/50. I'd start doing 50% of the chores, and no more.

1. I wouldn't want to be with a man who would let me walk around in a threadbare coat and holey shoes and not do anything to help me, if he had the means to do so.

I doubt you would save much by moving, £700 for all bills sounds low anyway. It can't possibly include food so presume he buys that onto as well?

Working more is your answer, be it a second part time job or upping the search for a full time one.

Personally I don't think you should move I think you should work on being more financially independent

Steff If he is working 50 hrs a week and she only 20 should he still do 50% of the chores? What is she doing the rest of the time? He's working more and I think she can do more at home. If they were working equal (or close) hours, I would expect a more equal share of housework.
Also I think she said he bought her shoes?

What do you spend the £150 on?

OP you're getting a hard time here for some reason. I've seen similar threads go in a very different direction.
I really don't think buying you treats while you struggle to afford the basics is any good. Far better to each pay bills according to your earnings so that there's a fairer split of disposable income.
And what happens if you have children with him and are at home caring for them? Will he leave you short of what you need - and what they need?

I'd try and find another part time job, I don't think that he should have to be responsible for more of the bills than you because you work part time. It doesn't sound like he's unsupportive as he pays for things like shoes if you need them.

Does he want you to work more hours? Could you? You have avoided questions around that.

50 hours per week is a lot for a cab driver to be bringing in just £1200 per month. I assume that amount is after taxi board/petrol/car hire/taxi insurance in which case I imagine that he is also contributing the family car/petrol?

Can you agree to eat out less per week (a few times a week is a lot) and have him put that money towards bills?

We've always paid for bills in proportion to income. As the higher earner to date, that has meant I lose out. But I think it's fair so I don't mind.

I don't think anyone is giving OP a particularly hard time. Maybe just offering an honest perspective

But what would you do if you weren't in a relationship? Your problem is not your bills sharing arrangement but the fact you don't earn enough money to live on.

I honestly didn't realise there were so many women out there who couldn't support themselves until I went onto mumsnet. I don't know anyone like this in real life, all my friends, even ones without qualifications, have worked out ways to support themselves in life.

I wouldn't put up with a man in this situation - fair enough if its short term or due to redundancy or ill health or childcare responsibilities or I had been with them much of my life, but I wouldn't like to fund someone else's life.

A cabbie earning £300/ week.

It's not nice however that he would let you walk around in shoes with holes in etc - I'm just wondering if there is something behind it beyond him being an inconsiderate ass.

Can you get a job as a cleaner?

It's all well saying get another job, be it part time or full time, I have tried and tried, applied for loads, but there just isn't anything out there.

Funky, I do everything around the house

Yes! I thought that would be the case.

Cheesy, I didn't realise either before MN that men were seen as walking wallets and their earnings were a factor in the relationship for the woman.

With a bit of luck, the men see sense and find somebody that wants them for who they are rather than his bank account and how little they will have to work, if at all.

Fair enough if you are trying for another job/more hours etc then I think you deserve some more support. That's what a partnership/relationship is supposed to be about.

There are lots of jobs out there if you aren't getting them you need to work on why and that's coming from someone currently job hunting. You need to make your self more employable.

"Funky, I do everything around the house

Yes! I thought that would be the case."

There's hardly likely to be loads to do is there given one is out for half the day and meals are often outside the home. Most adults work full time and still manage to cook, shop and clean. It's hardly slavery.

It's not nice however that he would let you walk around in shoes with holes in etc - I'm just wondering if there is something behind it beyond him being an inconsiderate ass

OP has now admitted he bought her shoes

I'm not sure how a S/E cabbie can be earning only £1200 a month for working 50 hours a week. That doesn't add up, at all. More like £2000 a month, and quite possibly more than that. A friend earns about £2000 a month working about a 30 hours a week (albeit he does 12 hour shifts on Friday and Saturday night)