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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why you'd have more than one child?

309 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 19/12/2013 20:19

I'm just curious as to the reason you decided to have your 2nd child (in scenarios where the 2nd baby was planned).

I spent some time with my sister yesterday and her 2 children and bloody hell, listening to them argue and bicker constantly was just mind numbing - I could have screamed. She's there shouting at them, they're getting upset, she's telling me what a nightmare it is when they don't get on etc etc. I'm sure my sister isn't the only parent to be in this situation. I was at breaking point just listening to them, at least I had the freedom to get in my car and drive home Grin

From my experiences of talking to parents with more than one child they always seem to have more worries - be it the cost of bringing up two children compared to one, sibling rivalry, sharing their time between them fairly, family favourites, siblings that hurt/hate each other etc. I feel exhausted just listening to some parents when they tell me the stresses of having more than one child.

All that goes through my head is, "So why have another?"

Is it that you wanted a sibling for your current child?
Or that you missed having a baby around the house?
Or that you just love having mini versions of you and your DH/DP Smile

And is having two (or more) as stressful as I'm led to believe??? Smile

OP posts:
MrPoppy · 19/12/2013 20:21

I only properly got on with my siblings now that we're grown up and live under separate roofs. But I am glad of them now.
Especially as parents die and we have shared memories of childhood.

annieorangutan · 19/12/2013 20:22

I have 2 but am going for at least another one or two or freak lottery win I would have 6. I couldnt imagine just one and would of been quite disapointed if thats all I could have personally.

Feelingfatty · 19/12/2013 20:22

Writerwanabee do you have any children? I'm guessing no, once you have them I think you understand!

Iamnotminterested · 19/12/2013 20:23

I've had more than one so that I don't have to play with them ie they play with each other, but then I'm a shite mother Grin

VashtaNerada · 19/12/2013 20:24

Children are hard bloody work but also an absolute joy. I feel very lucky to have 2 DC!

Paintingrainbowskies · 19/12/2013 20:24

I've got one at the moment, everything in your post is what worries me about having another but truthfully I just don't want her to grow up without a sibling.

DesperatelySeekingSanity · 19/12/2013 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bowlersarm · 19/12/2013 20:24

For me, growing up, there was a huge age gap between my siblings (all close together) them me, many years later. I really loved being part of a large family but always felt a bit sad that I wasn't closer in age to my siblings. I was almost an only child but within a large family.

So I knew any child of mine wouldn't be an only, and however many children I had, they would be close together in age.

Binkyridesagain · 19/12/2013 20:25

I'm wondering the same thing ATM, my 2 DSs are arguing in the kitchen, they are teens, so it doesn't get any better.

Fairylea · 19/12/2013 20:25

My main reason was because I am an only child and as my own mother is becoming more elderly I find being the only person responsible for making decisions about her care etc really, really hard in every sense. I never wanted dd to feel like that so that's one of the reasons I had ds.

Other reasons... I just wanted another baby. I never thought I would after having severe pnd with dd but ten years after having her (and two divorces later) I then met my now dh and the need to have another child was overwhelming. I never ever thought I'd feel that.

ColinFirthsGirth · 19/12/2013 20:25

I love having two children. I did find it very hard work when they were 3 years and 1 and 4 years and 2 years old. However now I find it easier. They are the absolute best of friends and have been since they were tiny. I feel so blessed and lucky when I see them play together so beautifully. They have such a strong bond. I also can't imagine only having one child.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 19/12/2013 20:26

feeling - currently pregnant with our first Smile Me and DH are 99% sure we will only have one but I'm worried that after the birth something weird might happen to me and make me want another Grin That's why I'm curious what it is that makes people keep having them when it can cause such stress Smile

OP posts:
neunundneunzigluftballons · 19/12/2013 20:26

I come from a big family. I could not imagine not having more than one and thankfully circumstances meant that was possible. A friend has 7, I think you would have needed a supersonic jet to leave her house if two had you diving for the car Smile. Her kids are amazingly well mannered and well behaved though, I blame the parents.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 19/12/2013 20:26

more than should be only one, I have 3.

Calloh · 19/12/2013 20:27

I'm with IAmNot, the more there are the less I'm required. Even the whole judging who hit who thing fades away after a while.

I found two exponentially more difficult for the first 9 months of DC2's life. There was an 18 month age gap. And then it got disproportionately easier. They irritate the hell out of each other sometimes but love each other so so much and would be so bored without the other one. I love my siblings so always wanted my children to have them.

Bogeyface · 19/12/2013 20:27

Well I have 6 and it is utter chaos but I couldnt imagine it being any other way. Sure it can be hard work but everything worth having is hard work ime!

MisguidedHamwidge · 19/12/2013 20:28

When my granny died, in her 80's, there were two people sitting by her bedside. They were her younger & older brother. They had been sitting there all day and they were still sitting there together when my mum arrived, half an hour after she died. My granny had lost her husband, her older brother had lost his wife, but they were all still there for each other.

That was what inspired me to have more children - the realisation that I/DH won't always be here to protect them and support them. I know there are no guarantees about siblings being friends, but I am hoping that as I've got four, at least one or two of them will get on in future Grin. Actually, they get on fairly well now and have a lot of fun together.

randomquicknamechange · 19/12/2013 20:28

I have two children, because my brother is my best friend and I wanted my children to have that.
They are 7 and 4 and get on very well with onky the occasional fight. DS was 3 when DD was born so I had long since potty trained him and he slept through the night. They play together and keep each other entertained for ne having 2 is easier than 1 but I wouldn't have anymore now because I think the age gaps are to big for them to be proper friends.

lookdeepintotheparka · 19/12/2013 20:29

Arguing and learning to cooperate with your siblings is a really important life lesson much as its hard to listen to (I tell myself this on a frequent basis btw!)

My second was a 'mistake' but wouldn't change things for the world now.

I would go for a third if I had the choice.

Feelingfatty · 19/12/2013 20:29

That's what made me ask writer! I was exactly the same before dd, always 'knew' I only wanted one, even after her I 'knew' still. When she was about 1ish I 'knew' I wanted another! Not sure of the reason why, probably a mixture of all the reasons you mentioned apart from they baby part as I can remember how hard that was...however dd is now nearly 3 and I'm just pregnant again!!

PenguinsDontEatStollen · 19/12/2013 20:30

Well, yes, two can be harder work. It can also be more fun. There is no right or wrong in family size. Nor really any hard and easy. It is all about you, your partner, what suits you, what suits the children, the things you value, they things you don't...

I don't think it's as simple as 'wanting to give a child a sibling'. Why did you want a child? That's many of the same reasons why anyone who wants more than one wants more than one.

FWIW I'm not a baby person and I don't care if I get a mini-me, so those weren't my reasons. Nor am I selfless enough to have more than one simply for the benefit of the child. I had more than one because I wanted more than one. It was as clear in my mind as wanting to be a parent at all. And that in itself is pretty illogical when you think about it.

aquashiv · 19/12/2013 20:30

You have to see how you take to it all I honestly found one harder. I suppose you should ask yourself how it feels to have a sister now

Bogeyface · 19/12/2013 20:30

OP, why are you pregnant? Why did you decide to have a child?

That same reasoning comes in with a second, that and broodiness! Oh and the fact that one is easy so you think you know it all and have another, except that you dont know it all! I found that having 2 was far harder than either 1 or 3 or more.

ToriaPumpkin · 19/12/2013 20:30

I'm an only child and don't want my son to have to same experience as me, especially not the one I'm currently going through with my father drinking himself to death and the hospital/social workers only having me to contact and me having nobody to rely on or to help with decisions that need to be made.

Plus from the minute he was born I knew I wanted at least one more, and I feel massively lucky to be halfway through a second healthy pregnancy given a family history of infertility.

I don't doubt there will be bad days and hard work, but there will be rewards as well. And every time my son smiles at me or puts his arms round my neck I feel like I've won the lottery (not that an actual lottery win wouldn't be welcome!) so why wouldn't I want to experience that with another one?

scarlettsmummy2 · 19/12/2013 20:30

I have two, it is hard, but I can't imagine not having a second. I also didn't particularly want my eldest to be an only child for reasons mentioned above, plus I love being pregnant and little babies.

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