Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why you'd have more than one child?

309 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 19/12/2013 20:19

I'm just curious as to the reason you decided to have your 2nd child (in scenarios where the 2nd baby was planned).

I spent some time with my sister yesterday and her 2 children and bloody hell, listening to them argue and bicker constantly was just mind numbing - I could have screamed. She's there shouting at them, they're getting upset, she's telling me what a nightmare it is when they don't get on etc etc. I'm sure my sister isn't the only parent to be in this situation. I was at breaking point just listening to them, at least I had the freedom to get in my car and drive home Grin

From my experiences of talking to parents with more than one child they always seem to have more worries - be it the cost of bringing up two children compared to one, sibling rivalry, sharing their time between them fairly, family favourites, siblings that hurt/hate each other etc. I feel exhausted just listening to some parents when they tell me the stresses of having more than one child.

All that goes through my head is, "So why have another?"

Is it that you wanted a sibling for your current child?
Or that you missed having a baby around the house?
Or that you just love having mini versions of you and your DH/DP Smile

And is having two (or more) as stressful as I'm led to believe??? Smile

OP posts:
PetiteRaleuse · 19/12/2013 20:50

DC2 was a happy accident. We booked the vasectomy the day she was born. Literally. I was wheeled up from recovery and told DH to phone the surgeon to make the appointment. I'm so glad we have her, 14 months later, but also glad she is definitely the last. I love my kids, enjoyed pregnancies, but would have been equally happy with one. I never got broody; but I love the kids I have. Now I have them and they are 2.9 and 1.2 they are fun. But no more. I enjoy them more the older they get, and don't want to go back to newborns until those newborns are my grandchildren.

19 mo was a v good age gap btw.

Rhubarbgarden · 19/12/2013 20:52

My brother and I fought like cat and dog when we were kids. As teens, we barely spoke. As an adult, when my mum got cancer and died after two years of living hell, I was bloody glad he was there. As I am now, as our father goes slowly more feral. I can ring my brother up and say "guess what the old bugger's said/done now" and there is humour. If he wasn't there, it would all just be infinitely depressing.

When I had dd I vowed I would provide her with a sibling so that she has someone to share memories/responsibilities/worries with too, and I would just grit my teeth and deal with the fighting and squabbling when they were little.

Turns out, they adore each other. Never saw that one coming. Smile

Snog · 19/12/2013 20:54

I have one child aged 14. She has never wanted a sibling and dp and I are very happy with one child Xmas Smile. Our house is peaceful!

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 19/12/2013 20:56

I have a sister who I absolutely adore - there is only 1 year and 2 weeks between us so we grew up doing everything together and aside from my DH she is my most favourite person in the world. When I think about my childhood I have so many brilliant memories and they mainly involve her - but all this doesn't fill me with an urge to have more than one child myself.

My DH has a brother who he really doesn't get on with. Ever since they were children there was a general dislike for each other and as they got older it just deepened. They don't see each other, they don't speak, don't swap birthday cards etc - there is just nothing. He didn't even come to our Wedding. I think that's why my DH isn't too fussed about having a 2nd child, to him having a sibling makes no difference to his life. To be honest, it's like he doesn't even have a brother.

OP posts:
FoxyRevenger · 19/12/2013 20:57

My best friend has one, and her husband works away for weeks at a time. She struggles because it's so intense, she always has to keep her son entertained.

I've got two, it's harder, and I'm poorer, but it's more fun, and they keep each other entertained sometimes so I don't have to be 'fun' Mummy all the time and can get some hoovering done. Grin

There's up and downsides to every scenario.

jamdonut · 19/12/2013 20:58

My 3 children are 4.5 years and 3.5 years apart. I didn't 'decide' to have them, as such, they were all "accidents",(though happy ones in the end). I have never,ever felt "broody".

When I knew I was pregnant for the 2nd time, I couldn't imagine being able to give the same amount of love to another child...but it happens magically! By the third one, it was easy.

The bigger gaps between them means there was less problems between them when they were younger. And the oldest one was just starting school when the second one was born, and the second one was going to school nursery when the 3rd was born,so not particularly stressful.

But they are making up for it now they are in their teens/twenties! They have such strong opinions on things that it causes a lot of bickering!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 19/12/2013 20:59

I want DS to have a sibling, like I have. My Mum never found having two difficult, she said it didn't make much difference! I'm expecting no.2 so we'll see how much I agree!

I always wanted two. And I w

formerbabe · 19/12/2013 20:59

The bickering is incessant!! But, my 2 love each other to bits and are very protective of each other. I find its easier as they are happy playing together and so I can get on with other things rather than trying to entertain them.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 19/12/2013 21:00

Bloody phone!

And I would hate for everything to fall to DS to deal with when we're old and falling apart. I want him to have someone.

RosesDoor · 19/12/2013 21:01

I don't understand it either. All the arguments don’t wash with me. I have a polite relationship with my siblings, but no more, and certainly can't rely on them for any kind of support. As for having someone to support you when your parents die, my siblings are the last people I would turn too.

Very happy with an only and glad I don’t have the stress and expense of anymore especially after going through the teen years. Also never want him to feel the pain of not being the favourite, which I have had to endure my whole life.

My grandmother said it broke her heart that her two daughters didn’t get on and was the greatest pain she had to endure. Rather not take the chance. Sibling relationships can go both ways.

yummymumtobe · 19/12/2013 21:01

Siblings will know each other for longer than they will know anyone else in their lives. That is quite an incredible thing to share with someone. We have 2 because we wanted a family - we feel like 'parents' now whereas when we just had dd we were a couple with a child. It's so exciting to have 2 and it's amazing to watch them together. You think of them both as your children so much that you tend to forget the important thing which is that they are each others siblings and really love each other and have a relationship independent of you too.

poorbuthappy · 19/12/2013 21:02

Only wanted 2 really but nature had other ideas and ended up with 3.

Ah well.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 19/12/2013 21:03

Because 1 is an odd number, I don't like odd numbers.

The only time I have ever been broody was when i needed that 2nd child in my life.

She is the best decision I have ever made.

Hexbugsmakemeitch · 19/12/2013 21:04

I'm a twin Mum too, so there was no active choice but we had always intended to have two. I wanted to make two points:

What you said about the shouting and screaming at your sisters - that is not part and parcel of life with siblings, my sister and I certainly argued but shouting and screamibg would not have been acceptable to my parents and I definitely wouldn't accept it from my own children.

As you are about to discover, having any number if children comes with worries, stresses and problems. If you are currently entertaining a rosie picture regarding your perfect little singleton and what perfect parents you'll be you may want to brace yourself. I manage better with twins than a number of friends do with their only one. I can think of two (very nice)families specifically where there is far more shouting/stress/angst than we have. Much of that it diwn to the personality of the child you get - and that you can't control.

Liara · 19/12/2013 21:05

TBH, I find two much, much easier than 1. But then DS1 is a massively active child who needs constant interaction, and does much better when given a job, both of which are perfectly provided by him taking care of DS2!

But before DS2 was born I really wanted a sibling for DS1 because of the relationship I have with my sister. I would have been quite happy having none or 1 for myself, but I felt it was unfair to not at least try to offer ds1 the possibility of having what I had. I had several friends who were only children and I felt the lack of that special relationship in them (even though they didn't know what they were missing out on, of course).

And once your dc is born, nothing, I mean nothing, will get in the way of your doing what you think is best for him/her. I never thought that would be the case, but it was.

thegreylady · 19/12/2013 21:08

I was an 'only' and always vowed to have at least two if possible.Its awful when your parents grow old/die and there is no one left who knew you as a child, no aunties or uncles for your dc and no cousins either.
I know lots of people don't get on with sibs but my two are close and a great support to me and to one another.

fuckwittery · 19/12/2013 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peggylane · 19/12/2013 21:09

Because as you will realise when you have your first baby it's not the sleepless nights and terrible crying you remember the most but the wonderful moments of the first smile/ them starting to walk/ their first bike ride without stabilisers etc. It's the same when you have two or more- yes they definitely argue and fight and it can be exhausting but the times when they play wonderfully together and are hugging each other before going to sleep are the ones you treasure and ultimately they become the strongest memories imo. It really is the most beautiful thing to watch your children interact and being loving to each other and I personally am so glad to be able to see that and for my children to experience it.

stickysausages · 19/12/2013 21:10

Good question. And the reason we're sticking with one!! Grin

MacaYoniandCheese · 19/12/2013 21:11

I have NO idea OP. In hindsight I have no idea what I was thinking Xmas Hmm Xmas Grin.

womma · 19/12/2013 21:14

I know a fair few families with just one child, some people would like more but are not able to have them, some just want one child. All the kids are loved and happy, and indeed I would say they display none of the 'classic only child behaviour' people talk about.

The PP who said that only children are 'odd' and 'delicate' is making a huge generalisation and demonstrating a lazy and prejudiced view. The kids I know who have problems dealing with others all have siblings. It's so boring the way people feel they can run down families with only children.

lifeinthefastlane1 · 19/12/2013 21:15

I have 3, 2 older ones ds and dd1, 3 yr gap and now have dd2 15yr gap between dd1 and dd2, the house was crazy when I had two children running around, it was great, now they are grown and left home dd2(nearly 5) is like an only child ,I wish I had another one closer to her age so she could experience the same chaos, our house is so much quieter now and not as much fun, but then the holidays come around and the big ones come back, then its chaos again for a little while as the girls still bicker even with such a big gap, also great for babysitting.
I think its right when people say singleton familys are more adult orientated, I can see that with my friends who have onlies, and I notice it alot in our own as I can tell the difference of what it was like with 2 together(it was easierGrin.)

Spinkle · 19/12/2013 21:16

My sister has mental health issues so I may as well be an only child.

We've never got on. Scrapped a lot, still have the scars.

I only have one child. I'm happy with my lot. He is a delightful kid. He has autism and we're likely to have another. I'd rather give him the attention he deserves. We have a very calm life. Lovely.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 19/12/2013 21:16

And surely an 'only child' still learns how to interact with other children at nursery and school? Why do they need to have a sibling to learn these life skills?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 19/12/2013 21:18
  • Because we wanted another one (that was the biggest reason).
  • So ds1 had a sibling (someone to play/fight with, someone to be close to as a child and hopefully as an adult, someone to share memories with once dh and I are gone).

-Because I'd be a terrible parent to one child (this is true - I worry so much but at least with two they only have to put up with half each).

-To increase my chances of grandchilden.

-Because it's fun to re-roll the genetic dice and get a different number come up (frivolous).

-So if one dies, I'll have one left (dark madness but true).

Swipe left for the next trending thread