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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why you'd have more than one child?

309 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 19/12/2013 20:19

I'm just curious as to the reason you decided to have your 2nd child (in scenarios where the 2nd baby was planned).

I spent some time with my sister yesterday and her 2 children and bloody hell, listening to them argue and bicker constantly was just mind numbing - I could have screamed. She's there shouting at them, they're getting upset, she's telling me what a nightmare it is when they don't get on etc etc. I'm sure my sister isn't the only parent to be in this situation. I was at breaking point just listening to them, at least I had the freedom to get in my car and drive home Grin

From my experiences of talking to parents with more than one child they always seem to have more worries - be it the cost of bringing up two children compared to one, sibling rivalry, sharing their time between them fairly, family favourites, siblings that hurt/hate each other etc. I feel exhausted just listening to some parents when they tell me the stresses of having more than one child.

All that goes through my head is, "So why have another?"

Is it that you wanted a sibling for your current child?
Or that you missed having a baby around the house?
Or that you just love having mini versions of you and your DH/DP Smile

And is having two (or more) as stressful as I'm led to believe??? Smile

OP posts:
justtoomessy · 19/12/2013 20:30

I only have one child and I think if you have a strong willed child you shout just as much as if you had 70 kids if not more due to the fact they don't have a play mate and demand all your attention.

Money made me stop at 1 and the fact my ex fecked off with another woman!

OHforDUCKSchristmasCake · 19/12/2013 20:30

I have a big age gap (4 years) so mine dont argue, they get on great. They form a two man army against me, the genius swines Grin

From my experience different sexes and close age gaps can often cause arguments. I argued with my brother relentlessly.

I wanted a second child because my first one was so soft and perfect and amazing why on earth would I not want to do that again?! Plus, I didnt want him to be an only child, I used to argue with my older brother but I now adore both brothers and their kids, Id hate not to have that in my life.

lotsofcheese · 19/12/2013 20:30

We had DS & just didn't feel our family was complete. So we had DD but will not have a 3rd. It's lovely watching them together.

BlingBang · 19/12/2013 20:30

Didn't know if I would have children but knew if I had one, I would always have wanted another. Just think it's more fun and rounded than having one. I also hope they will be close and good friends, have each other and their families when we are no longer here.

The fighting and squabling can be so tiresome and frustrating but when they are being loving to each other, playing together and looking out for each other - it's amazing.

Bogeyface · 19/12/2013 20:31

Bugger! Sorry, I meant to add that I am sure that is why so many people only have 2, because they are very hard work. But you just have to get through that bit and have a couple more :o

As Calloh said, the more you have the less you are needed!

Doublemuvver · 19/12/2013 20:31

No say, got twins!

Sallystyle · 19/12/2013 20:31

I have five.

Why?

Well number 4 and 5 were BC babies (the pill and the coil.. not at the same time)

Plus, I seem to thrive in chaos.

TheBookofRuth · 19/12/2013 20:31

We are currently expecting no.2, and to be honest we ummed and aahed for a while about whether to have another one - we could see a lot of advantages (for all of us) in keeping DD an only child.

But then recently my mum had a major health scare and it made realise I want her to have someone to share the burden of parental care with in years to come, and not to have, as I did, that terrifying feeling of "oh god, I'll be all alone in the world" - which was silly, because I'd still have DH and DD, but real nonetheless.

Plus, our DD is awesome. She's this fabulous, funny, adorable little person. Why wouldn't I want another one just like her?!

DameDeepRedBetty · 19/12/2013 20:32

I didn't have much choice about having more than one, I hadn't actually planned to have a baby that summer - I'd arranged to go over to Australia and spend time and maybe find work with cousins. Instead I discovered I was expecting twins...

They're wonderful and gorgeous and the loveliest girls in the world!

Womnaleplus · 19/12/2013 20:36

I find two much easier than one actually (although they're still only 3 and 10 months).

JustSpeakSense · 19/12/2013 20:36

My children are 2.5 years apart & yes they often bicker, but about 40% of the time they are the best of friends. They share secrets and private jokes - They both say the best thing about having a sibling is having someone to open presents with on Xmas morning. I am glad they will have each other one day when we are old (or gone altogether)....this is what I remind myself when they are fighting for the other 60% of the time Wink

BlingBang · 19/12/2013 20:36

And a dark side - when I had my first, the love I felt was so strong, almost frightening. The thought of having that love for one child and anything happening to that child scared me. So, I guess there is a kind of insurance perhaps in having more than one. Couldn't imagine losing an only child and not having another child to still love.

TheGirlOnTheLanding · 19/12/2013 20:38

We had DD1 for us, we had DD2 for DD1.

Yes, they fight at times, but they also have a right laugh with one another, and would defend one another to the death. Family holidays are easier - they have company and someone to play with. And neither has the weight of two parents entire focus being on them alone.

ShoeWhore · 19/12/2013 20:40

I actually think as they get older that 2 (or 3 as I have) is easier than 1 in lots of ways, especially if they are close enough in age to play together.

My neighbour has one dc and they often end up with a friend tagging along anyway! As otherwise her dc gets a bit lonely/bored. Our 3 keep each other company.

I also enjoyed the baby phase much more with each child. I was more relaxed, I knew what I was doing, I liked the variety of doing both toddler and baby stuff.

perplexedpirate · 19/12/2013 20:42

Sorry feeling, you are wrong in your first post.
I have DS and don't understand why people would want another.
My 'broodiness' was me wanting to be a mother. Now I am, no more broodiness.
DS is nearly 6, the absolute best thing in my world. Why would I need any more?

Wishihadabs · 19/12/2013 20:44

3 main reasons;

  1. My sister is my best friend in the whole world

2)It's good for us to not outnumber the dcs so everyone in the family gets a say, single child families always strike me as still very adult centred.

  1. it's good for the dcs to learn skills of negotiation and sharing, realise they are not the centre of the universe.
feelingdizzy · 19/12/2013 20:44

My second wasn't planned, although I wouldn't be without him.I became a lone parent not long after he was born so it has been the three of us for 10 years now.I am so glad they have each other,i think in many ways them having each other and being close together in age has made it easier for me.They fight but they love each other and will always have each other,Im glad of that.

dreamingofsun · 19/12/2013 20:44

i think its better for the child to have siblings. yes they may have been arguing, but think how much they were learning at the same time - standing up for yourself, dealing with unpleasantness, not being the centre of attention. a lot of only children are a bit odd - think the world revolves around them and ones i know are a bit delicate as they've missed out on the rough and tumble of brothers or sisters

womma · 19/12/2013 20:45

I was adamant I only wanted one. After a while, it hit me that I was heartbroken DD might be lonely for a brother or sister. DH and I are both one of four, and our siblings are important to us.

Also, both my parents died when I was quite young. I go cold thinking how hard it must be dealing with parental loss without having a sibling to go through it with.

TheArmadillo · 19/12/2013 20:45

I have a 6 year age gap between mine because for the first 4 years we didn't want another child.

I come from an abusive family and have no relationship with my sibling, and didn't get on with them when we were children. I didn't see siblings as a positive thing.

Dh however is close to his sister, despite having the same age gap as ours do.

I became broody - painfully so, my dc had no cousins (still don't and no plans for any), no close friends with children and as others have said when we are old or gone it will be nice for him to still have that close relationship.

Dc get along fantastically and adore each other (now 9 & 3). Not to say they never fight, but they don't fall out for long. The second was definitely easier than the first as the first helped out and they have each other to play with.

No one says you have to make a decision now. Have one and if you change your mind in the future try for another.

BlingBang · 19/12/2013 20:45

I was never broody but I still have two children.

Mattissy · 19/12/2013 20:48

There's 4 years between mine and they can fight like cat and dog but then they can also fiercely love each other just as much. Life is generally happier for me with 2, yes it's harder and a bit more work and more expensive but dd is worth it, being my second she'd be the one I'd have to do without.

I'd have been happy with one child, I had no problem with that, however I didn't want an only child, my dad was one and hated it. He was lonely and once his parents died he lost his childhood as he had no one to share memories with.

pinkblossom · 19/12/2013 20:49

I have 2 DD's who are the best of friends. Dd1 mothers dd2 who looks up to her. Couldn't be happier. They share a bedroom (through choice), have a right laugh together and respect one another. It's not all bad! And then I get friends asking if I'd have liked a son - erm, no thanks!!

Annunziata · 19/12/2013 20:49

Why wouldn't you? I think it's really important to have siblings.

I have 7 now.

dreamingofsun · 19/12/2013 20:49

like blinbang i was never broody either and i have 3. your own are entirely different to other people's - or at least the way you will feel about them

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