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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask why you'd have more than one child?

309 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 19/12/2013 20:19

I'm just curious as to the reason you decided to have your 2nd child (in scenarios where the 2nd baby was planned).

I spent some time with my sister yesterday and her 2 children and bloody hell, listening to them argue and bicker constantly was just mind numbing - I could have screamed. She's there shouting at them, they're getting upset, she's telling me what a nightmare it is when they don't get on etc etc. I'm sure my sister isn't the only parent to be in this situation. I was at breaking point just listening to them, at least I had the freedom to get in my car and drive home Grin

From my experiences of talking to parents with more than one child they always seem to have more worries - be it the cost of bringing up two children compared to one, sibling rivalry, sharing their time between them fairly, family favourites, siblings that hurt/hate each other etc. I feel exhausted just listening to some parents when they tell me the stresses of having more than one child.

All that goes through my head is, "So why have another?"

Is it that you wanted a sibling for your current child?
Or that you missed having a baby around the house?
Or that you just love having mini versions of you and your DH/DP Smile

And is having two (or more) as stressful as I'm led to believe??? Smile

OP posts:
MyBaby1day · 21/12/2013 06:12

I don't want another AT ALL, I agree with you but can understand why some people do and if they are supporting them I can't judge them, we're all different. I am an only child myself bloody loved it Grin. For me one is the magic number!.

Mimishimi · 21/12/2013 06:39

A big concern of mine is that something might happen to one child. Then again, something could happen to all of them at once too. Life is uncertain. I'd like to think that they are not alone when we pass on though. We only have the two, if finances and husband were willing, I think I would have liked to have four or five.

MyBaby1day · 21/12/2013 06:40

@ dreamingofsun, I take exception to being classed as "odd" purely for being an only child!. In reality I am a fun, caring, generous and an overall cool person and if you knew me you wouldn't have said that!. Some people are only children, get over it!.

differentnameforthis · 21/12/2013 06:51

It isn't all bickering & arguing. Yes, that does happen, but also my girls entertain each other. Dd2 loves it when dd1 reads her bed time story, or does her hair, or has her sleep over in her room, or teaches her stuff.

I wanted 2 children. It wasn't about giving dd1 a sibling (stupid idea to have a baby) or to have a baby in the house (another stupid reason) it also wasn't to get a mini version of me or dh (because they are not that, they are their own people). I just wanted 2 children. Always have.

It is hard work sometimes, but also very rewarding.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 21/12/2013 07:26

Referring to other ppl's reasons for having more than one child as stupid is rude and offensive.

BlingBang · 21/12/2013 08:19

Different - love that everyone's reasons are stupid excrpt yours.

CitizenOscar · 21/12/2013 08:22

Have one, have two, have three, have more. Do what you like.

You asked why people have more. People have told you.

If you want to know why people choose to have one (rather than out of lack of choice) start a thread asking that.

I've seen the support siblings give each other in my own family, even when not particularly close and I wanted my DS to have the chance to have that. There are no guarantees but:

  • my uncle has had a big health scare and my mum is the only family he has (other than wife & daughters). We're scattered all over the world but the sibling support has been important.
  • my other uncle had a long-term condition from which he died. Without his brother (my dad), my elderly grandfather would have been his only family and would have had to care for him alone. He was as independent as possible & had help from social services etc but still needed family support.
  • My DH has difficult relationships with his parents and he and his sister support each other through that. It helps a lot.

I haven't needed support from my brother (or vice versa) yet but we know we'd be there for each other if we did. It's a nice feeling.

AttackOfTheKillerMonsterSnowGo · 21/12/2013 09:01

I was an only, but had always wanted someone else around to play with and when my parents divorced I became even more keen for a sibling I could talk to about everything that was happening. I think I would have been very jealous of any children that my mum and stepfather had, mostly because he and I didn't get on, so I was then glad to have no sibling coming on the scene.

Now my parents are older, and i often wish i had a brother or sister around as both parents are on their own again now and although i love them and it is lovely to have them around a lot there are times when i'd like a little more space, or when one of them in particular gets very down mentally i find that hard to handle, it would be great to have someone to chat to about that (though DH is excellent at listening) and to take up some of that pressure. When my parents die I'll have no one to remember anything from my childhood with. I'll be well and truly alone, and having seen both parents go through funerals of their own parents with siblings to help I can see how hard it will be to do that by myself. Not the practical side, I'm very organised and I know I'll be fine with that bit, but the emotional side. Both parents sat with their siblings on the death of their parents and talked about childhood memories and laughed and joked together about it all.

To me, even if they don't always have a close everyday relationship, siblings have a bond that is irreplaceable by any other relationship, much like a parent child relationship.

Having said all that when dd was born I struggled with parenthood for the first couple of years, which shocked me massively, and I swore no more kids. Then she grew, I found it easier and she stated asking for a sibling...a LOT. Eventually, with some trepidation on my part we did conceive again and just before dd's 5th birthday her brother arrived.

I found having no 2 MUCH easier at the baby stage, and although now he's nearly 4 they DO argue and bicker and wind one another up, there are also manifold reasons why I am delighted that we made the decision that we did. Dd adores her brother, and although he is less demonstrative with her I know he adores her too. Seeing them playing together, her reading to him, them holding hands as they walk on the beach, hearing their giggling when they are up to mischief together, all make me melt. I would never have had that with just dd, and I think she would have missed out on one of the most rewarding and challenging relationships she'll probably ever have. Having ds around has taught her so much, and having her makes his life far richer and more fun than if it has just been DH and I.

It's better for me too. My tolerance and selflessness has definitely increased, and i believe i'm a nicer person for it (not saying this is true of everyone, or that people with anonlyarenotthe same, just talking about my own case here).

Overall yes it is more work in some ways, but it's far less in others. I don't regret having two for a single second, I just wish we'd had ds sooner and had had time to fit ina third!

Inkspellme · 21/12/2013 09:03

Because as an adult I couldn't envision not having my sister in my life I wanted to give my dd a sibling too.

Because it was so great having one we wanted to do it all again.

I am glad every day I see my dd and ds together. yes they bicker. its one method of how kids learn can conflict resolution and compromise and sharing etc. But they never go to bed without giving each other a kiss and hug.

When I pass one of their bedroons to hear chat and laughter from them together its the most lovely sound in the whole world.

When I saw my dd come to the protection of my ds when he was having a hard time in school and be so very supportive of him when I couldn't be there in the school yard or on the school bus I realised what a gift a sibling was for both of them. For us it has helped us all learn what family means.

I would add that my dd's best friend is an only child and they are very much a family but her friend def does not understand the bond that excists between siblings - even when they annoy the hell out of one another!

my dd is 16 and my ds is 11.

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