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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men looking at my 13year old daughter

387 replies

marmitenot · 21/10/2013 12:21

I went out with my 13 yr old dd yesterday and a couple of her friends. My daughter, although very pretty (doesn't get it from me!), is clearly a young teen and yet men (old and young) were leering over her and distinctly 'checking her out'.

The looks they were giving my daughter made me extremely uncomfortable and really cross.

AIBU to expect men to control themselves around children?

OP posts:
Spirulina · 21/10/2013 12:23

They were looking.... What do you mean by 'control themselves'?

Coffeenowplease · 21/10/2013 12:25

Ignore Spiritulia she has very odd ideas.

Yes you would be reasonable to not expect men to perve on a 13 year old. Unfortunately some men are vile. I dont have any advice for you, hopefully someone else will.

fromparistoberlin · 21/10/2013 12:25

its gross

the time I got the most male attention ever was when I was a 14 year old, in school uniform

YUK

old enough to bleed, old enough to breed. gross phrase but unfortunately......men seem to think it!

Coffeenowplease · 21/10/2013 12:26

*spirulina even

KhunZhoop · 21/10/2013 12:27

Was your daughter attacked? Touched inappropriately? Assaulted verbally? No? Then YABU. Maybe blindfold everyone in the street before you take her out again.

Spirulina · 21/10/2013 12:28

Lol coffee calm down!

Gatekeeper · 21/10/2013 12:29

had this the other day with my 11 yr old! She is very lovely to look at and whilst she looks older than 11 it is very clear that she is very young. I look like Peggy Mount with the same build so was glaring right back at them...dirty gets!

AgentZigzag · 21/10/2013 12:30

What's odd about Spirulina's post, I was going to ask the same.

What makes you think they were doing anything but just looking, you don't say what you mean by leering, what, in a slavering Benny Hill way?

People look at other people all the time, maybe you can give me some tips so I know what to look out for around my DD.

And control themselves how? Poke themselves in the eyes so they can't see anyone?

I'm sure some wankers are like that with young girls, but looking doesn't equal perving.

ConferencePear · 21/10/2013 12:31

I don't think YABU because I hate this too. I don't mind so much a young man nearer her age (14), but I could stab the middle aged lechers who are very happy to make themselves obvious.

FlapJackOLantern · 21/10/2013 12:31

All men look - they always have and always will. It's in their DNA to check out females ready for breeding and has been since cave man existed.

I'd keep her indoors if I were you, because this is going to happen for......say........the next 30 years!

BOOsterseat · 21/10/2013 12:32

I had this, i developed a chest practically overnight at 14 and was cat called in the street. Fortunately I already had a wonderful withering face which was particularly effective when coupled with flicking the middle finger.

I still do it now if some twunt decides to let me know the outcome of their assessment on my attractiveness.

Inadequate tossers.

Angry on your DD behalf.

Coffeenowplease · 21/10/2013 12:33

Its in their DNA to openly perve on underage girls ? Riiiight. So you know social expectations...we just ignore those now.

Crowler · 21/10/2013 12:33

I find it appalling that a grown man would leer at a 13 year old child, but I wouldn't say something about just looking. It's normal for people to gaze at pretty people a bit longer.

If I saw any kind of back and forth smirks or gestures I'd not be able to restrain myself.

Spirulina · 21/10/2013 12:33

I don't know agent think coffee has ishoos!

Anyway, op, did your DD notice?

KhunZhoop · 21/10/2013 12:34

How did they know she was 13, and therefore too young to be looked at, btw?

AgentZigzag · 21/10/2013 12:34

I don't believe for a minute that tons of blokes are 'checking out' 13 YO girls wishing they could do more, and I'm someone who sees paedophiles around every corner.

Coffeenowplease · 21/10/2013 12:34

OP specifically used the word "leering" btw.

FlapJackOLantern · 21/10/2013 12:34

Its in their DNA to openly perve on underage girls

I didn't use the word 'perve'.......YOU did. I used the word 'look'.

BOOsterseat · 21/10/2013 12:35

All men look - they always have and always will. It's in their DNA to check out females ready for breeding and has been since cave man existed.

while the wimmin walk around with blinkers on coz we aint visual innit.

I cant honestly believe how many people still swallow this shit!

saintmerryweather · 21/10/2013 12:36

if i see someone pretty in the street i might.look at them. i am most definitely not perving on them, normally.im.thinking wistfully how lucky.they are to be young and lovely

kiriwawa · 21/10/2013 12:36

You don't know what leering means?

It means 'looking or gazing in a lascivious or unpleasant way.' HTH

OP - I know what you mean. I took my niece to a fair once when she was that sort of age and I found the number of men openly ogling her absolutely stomach-churning.

HappyHalloweenMollyHooper · 21/10/2013 12:37

I know what you are talking about OP, this happened to me in my early teens.

It's not just looking. It's them looking you up and down, making wide eyed "Phwoar" faces, nudging their mates. I was clearly a young girl. Looking is fine, leering is not.

But ask long as they didn't attack or verbally assault me it's fine. I probably should have been flattered, eh?

FlapJackOLantern · 21/10/2013 12:37

while the wimmin walk around with blinkers on coz we aint visual innit.

Women DO actually check out men as suitable fathers for their offspring.

Sigh - just read up history.

Coffeenowplease · 21/10/2013 12:37

Yes I did. I equate perving with the "leering" OP described.

Were you referring to the leering or just specifically the looking ? If just the looking then I can understand the comment -and would happily retract mine.

Crowler · 21/10/2013 12:38

Important distinction; it's not just men who stare at pretty women. People gaze upon at pretty people. It's normal.

Leering at a child is not on.

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