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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I overreacting? (Porn related)

232 replies

Bumpkin2 · 17/10/2013 20:55

I found the search history of what my OH has been youtubing a couple of days ago and was pretty horrified by what I found, but I'm really not sure if I'm over reacting or not so need some impartial advice!

There were lots along the lines of "sexy teen erotic dancing" I'm not overly happy at the thought of him looking up porn, but it's the teen part that's really bothering me. He's nearly 40 and I just find that disturbing. He'd have been looking it up in the middle of the night, probably while I was in the middle of a night feed (9 month baby) and that bothers me too for some reason.

He knows I've found it but as DD was ill we've not spoken any more than that. I was actually looking up an episode of Postman Pat to comfort her when I found it!

Whenever I talk to him about anything he's doing at the moment he says I'm over reacting and I think I've lost confidence in my own opinions. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive.

I know the opinion of porn in relationships varies greatly, but it's really the teen part that I'm wondering about here. I've only seen the youtube history so not sure what else he's been looking up but I can only presume it's along the same lines.

Thanks

OP posts:
tedmundo · 17/10/2013 20:59

YANBU.

I have a 7 month old and if DH was looking at porn during the night feeds I would rip him a new one.

I am seething for you. I hope you are ok.

OctoberNights · 17/10/2013 21:05

you tube doesn't host porn as far as I know?

He is looking at inappropriate things but I don't think you tube do porn?

Boardingblues · 17/10/2013 21:06

Hang on.... Was he searching for sexy teen related vids or did he end up video hopping? Also erotic dancing is not necessarily porn. Are you sure you are not making more of this than it was? But, many people do watch porn, it is a fact and if you don't like that, then there would never be a good time for him to watch it.

geekgal · 17/10/2013 21:08

I don't think you're over reacting and I'm totally pro-porn! The teen bit would bother me too, although weirdly the thing that would bother me the most is doing it during night feeds, it just feels a little disrespectful. YANBU

peggyundercrackers · 17/10/2013 21:09

is erotic dancing porn? does youtube host porn? I don't think they do. doesn't miley cyrus do erotic dancing or rhianna or any of the other soft porn stars that pose as singers... I doubt any of the stuff he was watching on youtube was worse than you would find on MTV.

aturtlenamedmack · 17/10/2013 21:10

It's not porn that he's been looking at but he's certainly been looking for wank fodder.
I wouldn't like the teen part at all, especially on a site like YouTube as they really will be teens.
I don't know what I'd do, it might depend what he had to say about it.
I would be furious and deeply uncomfortable about the content.

MissBeehiving · 17/10/2013 21:10

I dislike porn and won't put up with it in my relationship. If you're not comfortable with it then it needs to stop. Don't let your DH lead you to believe that "everyone does it". They don't.

aturtlenamedmack · 17/10/2013 21:11

Are you 100% sure that he has searched for those exact terms?
I definitely think you need to have serious words with him.

phantomnamechanger · 17/10/2013 21:12

been in your shoes OP, discovered out of the blue DHs secret hobby - you need to talk (about ANYTHING you are unhappy about), he needs to accept responsibility for the fact that HIS actions have shocked & hurt you, dented your confidence etc etc, and make amends. There is no room here for a sulking , selfish man who cannot face up and say "sorry, you mean the world to me , it will not happen again."

Strumpetron · 17/10/2013 21:12

I don't mind porn at all, I watch it myself, but the teen part and watching in whilst your doing night feeds is wrong.

Original poster
Bumpkin2 · 17/10/2013 21:12

Ok, I was wrong to class it as porn, but basically he was having a little happy time watching videos of half naked teenagers erotic dancing on youtube. I think I've kind of presumed that that wasn't the only searching that he was doing, and I know that he has been looking up porn in the middle of the night before.

So, taking all the references to porn out, am I over reacting to what he's done?

As pretty much all the videos were teen related I can only presume that that's what he searched for, there were a couple of them that said they had been removed for inappropriate content too.

OP posts:
josephinebruce · 17/10/2013 21:15

Men see porn differently to women (hmm, should re-phrase but you know what I mean). HOWEVER, the teen bit is worrying....but not necessarily a cause for hanging, drawing and quartering just yet...talk to him first. There might be an innocent explanation.

If not....hmmm. Tricky. But knowing that someone has found out his dirty little secret might just be enough to make him toe the line...but I don't know. Sorry. Not useful at all.

MillyMillyMe · 17/10/2013 21:16

The teen bit would definitely bother me.

Boardingblues · 17/10/2013 21:16

Maybe not being unreasonable but a tad over-sensitive?

swooosh · 17/10/2013 21:17

was he watching twerking videos? because they honestly are mesmerising...

geekgal · 17/10/2013 21:17

See, now in my mind that makes it even worse, because it's not only disrespectful but really fucking sad - it wasn't even proper porn?!?! You are still NBU!!

Boardingblues · 17/10/2013 21:18

How do you know if he searched for the word teen as opposed to teen being in the title of vids he happened to see. Are you looking at the internet browser history?

suebfg · 17/10/2013 21:22

YANBU. I'd be upset about the porn thing anyway but the added 'teen' element would completely freak me out and make me question if I knew my DH. Sad thing is, do we really ever truly know someone?

ScaryFucker · 17/10/2013 21:25

A lot of "teen" stuff on YouTube is underage girls empowerfulizing themselves with stuff like "PoleDancing4U" while their proud mummies look on and polish the pole in the middle of their living room.

is this the sort of thing you mean ?

zippey · 17/10/2013 21:28

I think Yanbu for feeling annoyed, and you will get people who think porn is ok and those who don't. I'm in the ok camp. The teen thing is a widely recognised term in porn. It's not of any concern. It wouldn't be good if he was searching for preteens, but teen is generally ok.

I would divide night duties equally.

Doubtfuldaphne · 17/10/2013 21:29

On real porn sites there are 'teen' categories and they're usually in their 20's trying to look younger and none are under 18. I think that's fine as it's just a fantasy. YouTube however would show actual teens but it would not be highly pornographic as its YouTube. It's for everyone.
I think there are a lot more pornographic things he could be watching in the middle of the night. Let him have a bit of viewing pleasure!

ScaryFucker · 17/10/2013 21:31

Daphne, what a manpleaser you sound. It's nauseating.

tedmundo · 17/10/2013 21:34

My eyes are on stalks here ... Stalks I tell you!

I am also ok about your basic porn viewing (usual disclaimers) but he is doing it while she is night feeding his baby!

This is the bit I assume the op is most annoyed about. OP?

It just seems so disrespectful to me.

Original poster
Bumpkin2 · 17/10/2013 21:40

I didn't actually follow any of the links, the title and picture was enough. I think there may have been a bit of pole polishing going on, just not by anyone in the clips!

I really don't think he stumbled across them as when I told him I'd seen them he said oh shit, I didn't realise you'd see that sorry

I'm the first to admit I'm way too sensitive, and my oh is a self confessed captain caveman which isn't a great combination. That's why I needed some more opinions.

We do share the night duties, I'm just the only one with boobs unfortunately!

OP posts:
zippey · 17/10/2013 21:41

Is it disrespectful for DH to have some "me" time? It's only disrespectful if you choose to think it is. I'm not sure exactly how he is disrespecting anyone.

Divide the night time duties so that you get a break too.

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