Am I overreacting? (Porn related)

[Bumpkin2]

I found the search history of what my OH has been youtubing a couple of days ago and was pretty horrified by what I found, but I'm really not sure if I'm over reacting or not so need some impartial advice!

There were lots along the lines of "sexy teen erotic dancing" I'm not overly happy at the thought of him looking up porn, but it's the teen part that's really bothering me. He's nearly 40 and I just find that disturbing. He'd have been looking it up in the middle of the night, probably while I was in the middle of a night feed (9 month baby) and that bothers me too for some reason.

He knows I've found it but as DD was ill we've not spoken any more than that. I was actually looking up an episode of Postman Pat to comfort her when I found it!

Whenever I talk to him about anything he's doing at the moment he says I'm over reacting and I think I've lost confidence in my own opinions. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive.

I know the opinion of porn in relationships varies greatly, but it's really the teen part that I'm wondering about here. I've only seen the youtube history so not sure what else he's been looking up but I can only presume it's along the same lines.

Thanks

All the references to 'teen porn' being 18-25 are relevant, but not in the way people are suggesting. The op's dp wasn't looking for 'teen/18-25' porn on youporn. He was looking for REAL teens on youtube. It probably hasn't escaped him either that 'teen' porn doesn't usually feature teens. This is a way of getting something more authentic. He has rejected watching grown women having sex, choosing to wank over ACTUAL teens dancing in their bedrooms.

Teens are still children. Yes, most of them are gorgeous, beautiful, stunning. But none of these things make them sexually attractive to somebody who isn't attracted to children.

This would be a deal breaker for me. Sorry OP

There is no excuse at all for a man who tries to get it on with a 15 year old girl. There is, of course, no excuse for any adult who tries to get it on with any child regardless of the gender of either party concerned.

But sorry - some of you are downright naive or in denial by saying that 15 year old girls can't appear sexy to men other than perverts. Not only is the witness of history against you, but I will hazard a guess that none of you are actually biologially equipped to opine on the subject. Girls do not suddenly become "sexy" on their 16th or 18th birthday. It is precisely for this reason why there are laws prohibiting sexual relations with minors, and also why they need to be strictly enforced.

Some of you need to get real.

I don't find 15 year old boys sexy and I'd be worried if I did.

'biologically equipped'

Fine - but hardly relevant.

Cross-posted - it seemed the least inappropriate way of putting it.

Actually I think it's entirely appropriate. If you want to tell yourself it's ok for you to find children attractive, you carry on. I think you'll find it's you who are in denial.

I totally agree with AnyFucker above, and it is attitudes like this that enabled Jimmy Savile to do what he did.

relevant*, not appropriate

I'm not sure why you think that. I just said there needed to be enforced laws about this sort of thing.

It's a good job there are laws to protect men like you from themselves, eh ?

It's a good job that there are laws to protect against your naivety.

I agree with 48th, I think in some ways I would be more alarmed that he was potentially getting turned on by real teens in a non-porn situation. It seems more voyeuristic and like the pervert in the bush.

However OP there really might be a be a genuine reason for this. I can't really think of one but there might be. And youtube and Wikipedia trails often lead to strange places.

I hope you are ok. I had a fairly similar experience with DH about a month ago and it actually really shook me. I hope that he understands your worry and stays calm and apologetic and in no way sulks.

I think it is ok to have a wank while a night feed is going on. They're obviously exhausted, if he can't do anything to help he may well just want to go back to sleep - masturbation can help that if you seem to be trapped running over anxieties and visual stimulation can gel with that of you are too exhausted to fantasise effectively, it's just the teen non-porn bit.

Random, the fact that you are completely oblivious to how sinister your words sound is quite worrying.

Or perhaps you are fully aware of it, and that's part of the thrill

I am fully aware of the hostility that what I've said is likely to provoke.

But a sense of thrill? No. Actually, irritation at people like you.

The worrying thing for me is that, although I have an opinion and it's not an "outrageous" one, I don't feel that I dare make that comment as people like Scary will start throwing words like "Sinister" and "Thrill" around even when, as in the case above, a simple fact was being stated.

That old MN proverb "when people tell you what they are, listen" applies well here, IMO

LOL - even when you're blatantly throwing keywords in just to invalidate a point.

'You conveniently missed the bits where he said "there's no excuse" because that wouldn't have suited your agenda.

It must be really irritating when people refuse to condone your right to talk about how you find 15yo girls sexually attractive on a parenting website. I am sure you would find more acceptance in certain other places, though.

As a man, I find the idea of saying it's natural to find kids attractive highly offensive, so I'm going to have my say.

Firstly, this is not a porn argument. If it were, it would be down to OP to decide what she will and will not accept in a relationship, with regards to legal porn. But I don't think that's relevant. As has been said, "teen" porn is 18-25 pretending to be younger. Which is still quite disturbing when you think about it, but it's not really relevant.

OP's DHAKA sounds like he couldn't get off on that fantasy and has instead turned to real teenagers instead. Which is far more disturbing than if he'd been just jacking off to porn.

Also, on the subject of it being normal for men to find girls attentive. I can't on any level agree. Yes, when I was 15, a 15 year old was attractive. But as I grew up, so too did my taste in women. As a 29 year old, I don't think I could see an 18 year old as being much more than a child. I couldn't possibly look at 15 year old now and see anything more than a little girl.

As for the reference to history used to justify pedophilia? Yes, in the middle ages they married girls off at 13. For one thing, they also burned people at the stake and held public beheadings. We don't do that any more, either. For another, thre reason they did that was because of the high infant mortality rate. The thinking was to start having children as soon as possible in order to ensure survival. We now know it is damaging to their reproductive system and probably contributed to the mortality. There's nothing to say the men actually found a l young girl more attractive other than the erroneous belief that she could give healthy children. Or that any attractiveness wasn't society telling them to. For example, in some countries an older women is more attractive. In others, a larger women is a sign of wealth and therefore attractive.

There's no excuse for jacking off to teens. OP is not over reacting and this guy is clearly not normal and may be of serious harm to children, IMO.

The law is place to protect children from harm and because until they are older, children don't have the emotional maturity to enter into sexual relationships or to raise children of their own. I see absolutely no reason why any normal man of middle age should be finding young teenagers arousing.

Thanks, Knight. As was clear in my posts above, I am not tarring all men the same. Just the ones who find it acceptable to publically and openly talk about their sexual attraction to underage girls, and then see their arse when they get challenged on it.

Scary

As a Parent of kids around the bracket we're talking about I feel that I should be able to come onto a Parenting site to discuss this.

You've, without foundation, accused me by saying directly to me "how you find 15yo girls sexually attractive".

I find this vile & you are totally out of order. I've reported your post.

The point I was going to make was in relation to the "magic" switch that is flicked at age 16 in relation to people in a similar age bracket.

I didn't (and still don't) feel comfortable as you seem to throw the "paedo" card around like there's no tomorrow, which reduces any adult conversation on the matter.

Getting back to the OP - speak to him FGS. It's been 4 days now, I really think you need to have this conversation so things are clear one way or the other...

I'm afraid that I do see this as tarring....

I am responding to your posts, Dave. Only what you have typed here. Not once have I said "paedo", that is your interpretation. Finding 15yo girls sexually attractive is not paedophilia, but it is inappropriate and your wish to get validation for that here is suspect. IMO.

If HQ decide to remove my posts, that is their right. Perhaps you could suggest they also look at yours to see if they are appropriate content for a parenting website.

Have you reported Knight's post too, btw ?