Am I overreacting? (Porn related)

[Bumpkin2]

I found the search history of what my OH has been youtubing a couple of days ago and was pretty horrified by what I found, but I'm really not sure if I'm over reacting or not so need some impartial advice!

There were lots along the lines of "sexy teen erotic dancing" I'm not overly happy at the thought of him looking up porn, but it's the teen part that's really bothering me. He's nearly 40 and I just find that disturbing. He'd have been looking it up in the middle of the night, probably while I was in the middle of a night feed (9 month baby) and that bothers me too for some reason.

He knows I've found it but as DD was ill we've not spoken any more than that. I was actually looking up an episode of Postman Pat to comfort her when I found it!

Whenever I talk to him about anything he's doing at the moment he says I'm over reacting and I think I've lost confidence in my own opinions. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive.

I know the opinion of porn in relationships varies greatly, but it's really the teen part that I'm wondering about here. I've only seen the youtube history so not sure what else he's been looking up but I can only presume it's along the same lines.

Thanks

I don't think this is about porn to be honest.
YouTube doesn't host porn.
He was getting of by looking for erotic material containing teenage girls.
Whether it's really porn or not is by the by.

"I watch and read porn, I have respect for women. Stop projecting."

Obviously not for the women who make the porn you watch. Are you a Madonna or whore person?

Porn wouldn't bother me -don't like the industry etc but as far as dfiance watching it no problems - but I would be unhappy if he was purposefully seeking out children such as teenagers.

Most of the porn I watch doesn't have women in it but when it does I respect them as much as I respect anyone else I don't know. I absolutely don't subscribe to a Madonna/ whore thing. I think women are as sexual as men and I don't have an issue with people having fantasies.

And you are perfectly comfortable supporting the porn industry?

I don't really like produced porn, I like amateurs and mostly written stuff (99% written by women).

I think there are some horrible things going on in the porn industry probably. I would say anyone who buys high street clothes or basically any electronic items is supporting worse abuse though.

"men have these weird needs that mostly us woman can control!"

WTF?

"I don't really like produced porn, I like amateurs and mostly written stuff (99% written by women).

I think there are some horrible things going on in the porn industry probably. I would say anyone who buys high street clothes or basically any electronic items is supporting worse abuse though."

Yes. And the people who produce porn know that many of their customers prefer it to look amateur.

There is of course abuse in the production of high street clothes and electronics- I would be happy to discuss it if that's what this thread is about. However, it isn't.

I'm not sure what your question is? I don't approve of abuse of anyone in porn. I do approve of people watching whatever they want on youtube. Does that answer it?

How do you ensure that the things people are watching on UTube do not involve abuse?

Didn't see this thread turning into a "mass debate" about porn coming at all......

Are you ok OP?

I can't ensure it.

Well, its always going to be fairly polarized between those who believe:
'Man needs sexy teens to have a wank. This is his right.' and those who disagree.

It's no good us arguing over weather or not what he is looking at can technically be called porn. That's by the by. (Supposing he was googling pictures of ... animals mating, i don't know, some folk find odd things arousing) The point is he was watching whatever it was for titillation.

Is the OPs question mainly about the 'teen' aspect of this? (i think it is) Or the fact that he is masurbating downstairs when she is busy with their child?

Is she worried that he was, in fact, seeking images of underage girls and didn't want dodgy porn sites spamming his computer so stayed on youtube? 15 clips of it. Hardly an accidental click of the mouse. This is what would run through my head.

I'd have to say something to him.

I know porn isn't exactly supposed to be realistic but yeah the teen bit would creep me out and would have to confront it, it is odd.

The porn I have seen is pathetic and unrealistic. Appeals to men but gives them the wrong impression about women's sexual needs and gives young inexperienced women the wrong impression that this is what they should be enjoying.
The acting is unconvincing to the experienced mature women .

The point is he was watching whatever it was for titillation. was he though?

He may have googled "twerking" which is all over the news, found a link & then followed the related links.

As the OP hasn't actually caught him hunched of the keyboard groaning "Oh Miley" it's a bit moot at the moment.

She needs to have a chat with him about it.

Christ, if you saw my YouTube history there's all sorts on it that I've followed from various links, some probably has "Teen" in the title, some has "Dead" and some has "Gun" and some has "New Romantic".

Make of that what you will!!

So, back to your first post. No, you don't have respect for women. Nobody who watches porn, particularly porn which might involve exploitation does.

"Didn't see this thread turning into a "mass debate" about porn coming at all......

Are you ok OP?"

I didn't see it becoming a meeting of the "how cool are we?" brigade, either.

OP- you have a perfect right to object to this- your Dp is absolutely in the wrong. As he obviously realizes, judging by his response. Explain to him why, and ask him not to do it again. If he is a decent, grown up human being, he will agree.

my ex used to look.for videos on youtube to wank to. apparently he was into tickling, which involved teens as well. he prided himself on never watching porn and yet i.found it more grubby and distasteful that he was using 'innocent' videos to wank to, i would rather he watched actual porn instead. at least thats what those videos are there for

Ok I'll have one more go. I 100% do not watch porn that exploits women!

Wow, I expected to possibly come back to a couple more replies, not this many!

I regret using the word porn now, I guess I have just presumed that that wasn't all he looked at but yes, it's just an assumption. However I'm pretty sure he wasn't looking them up to practice any new dance moves, and can't really think of any innocent reason anyone would be looking at those clips. There was no mention of twerking on the clips so I don't think it's has come from that.

I'm sure he has cleared the browser history for whatever he has been doing, unfortunately for him I was logged onto Google on his laptop so all the YouTube history was updated to my phone.

I really do need to speak to him, I should have done it sooner but a baby with a stomach bug took all my energy!

And anyone who watches porn has no real respect for women. Porn is about treating women purely as sex objects. You think that attitude switches off as soon as they stop looking at porn??

Oh seriously! Behave! It's just a fantasy. Most blokes (and a lot of women) use porn. It doesn't make them some kind of perverted weirdos who have no respect for the opposite sex. So long as they're not on it 24/7, and their behaviour in real life is respectful and kind, really, there is no issue.

You need to get out more!

Surely it's the people wanking off to porn need to get out more?

sexy teens? eurgh