Am I overreacting? (Porn related)

[Bumpkin2]

I found the search history of what my OH has been youtubing a couple of days ago and was pretty horrified by what I found, but I'm really not sure if I'm over reacting or not so need some impartial advice!

There were lots along the lines of "sexy teen erotic dancing" I'm not overly happy at the thought of him looking up porn, but it's the teen part that's really bothering me. He's nearly 40 and I just find that disturbing. He'd have been looking it up in the middle of the night, probably while I was in the middle of a night feed (9 month baby) and that bothers me too for some reason.

He knows I've found it but as DD was ill we've not spoken any more than that. I was actually looking up an episode of Postman Pat to comfort her when I found it!

Whenever I talk to him about anything he's doing at the moment he says I'm over reacting and I think I've lost confidence in my own opinions. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive.

I know the opinion of porn in relationships varies greatly, but it's really the teen part that I'm wondering about here. I've only seen the youtube history so not sure what else he's been looking up but I can only presume it's along the same lines.

Thanks

Would it bother me if my 40 yr old husband crept around in the night to wank over teenagers while I fed his baby daughter?

Yes it would.

You don't know if he's wanked over them. You don't even know if he's actively searched for them. Christ I spent time on YouTube jumping from one video to the next and all sorts comes up. I'm not defending him, I'm just pointing that out. If he did want to do so surely he would have just gone into a porn site?!

Ah yes, "there were lots of sexy teens erotic dancing." Of course he was just checking out the moves to do when he goes to the next school disco.

I think I'd've less upset if dp was looking at teen porn on a porn website (because the won't be young teens) than I would be if he was looking at actual teens on YouTube.
Why didn't he just look at porn are the girls not young enough?
Id be having serious words!

"Would it bother me if my 40 yr old husband crept around in the night to wank over teenagers while I fed his baby daughter?
Yes it would."
^^ this, exactly.

There is something extremely odd and disturbing about a man whose mind would work like this, when I was bf DD, my DH would bring me a drink / get stuff ready for a nappy change etc. He didn't think " ooh I know, while she's snuggled up in bed feeding our baby, I'll go and hunt for some dubious material featuring teenagers and have a wank - it's just plain grim, selfish and shows a total lack of emotional intelligence.

But this is AIBU, the land of "porn is fine, all men do it, accept it and STFU", just like relationships was 5 years ago, thankfully that tide has now turned.

I love this weird assumption that porn is a men vs women thing! And how does that even relate to looking at youtube videos. My youtube history is toe curlingly shaming! I would hate my husband checking it and consider it none of his business. Even if I'd done it while be fed a baby/ watched the feet of the poor/ searched for a cure for cancer.

TBH, if it hasn't got teen in the title you're going to end up with GILFS, MILFS & Cougars so he's just filtering it down to 20 somethings.

I'm pretty sure if he wanted proper porn he'd have found it. As it's YouTube he's more than likely video hopping in wide eyed fascination after seeing a link on another vid.

As for the "how dare he wank" brigade, I'm pretty sure the OP wouldn't appreciate him trying to get frisky at the moment either!!

Anyway sorry! To the OP I don't think yabu I just want to reassure you that it sounds like he was just noodling about on youtube rather than cruising for underage thrills

I am just constantly amazed at how women fall over themselves to be OK about stuff like this.

The OP was upstairs feeding the baby.

Her partner was downstairs searching the internet for sexy images of teenage girls.

On what planet is that an OK thing to do?

This One...

In AIBU it's just dandy

Apparently.

Some grim lives out there, that is for sure

You are not being over sensitive.

He is at best inconsiderate, at worst a pervert. More of a pervert I think - it's the use of "TEEN" as a search term that would seal it for me.

In fifteen years will he want his daughter making videos for middle-aged men to look at? Or does he just want you to be grateful that he's being ever-so patient and not actually having sex with someone else?

I'm not in the how dare he wank brigade.
I wank, I expect my other half does to.
If I found out he was doing so to videos of teenage girls on YouTube I would be livid.
It would make me reassess our relationship.

This is not on he is looking at teenage girls grim imo. I'd leave him.

Ok so my life is grim because I don't care what my husband looks at on the entirely porn free website youtube?

That's completely ridiculous.

People with poor pro porn arguments often use the faux shocked "are people not allowed to wank then" crappy line

Hardly porn if it's on YouTube - bit weird though, granted!

99% of woman on MN seem to be offended by porn and have a 'hang him now' attitude about it. Personally, I don't see the issue (men have these weird needs that mostly us woman can control!) and am very relaxed about my partner viewing porn. Really doesn't bother me in the slightest (am very secure in our relationship)

I'd be much more bothered by the fact that you don't seem to have any kind of communication in your relationship This is a red flag. The 'porn' (agree with those who say, typing 'teen' is just to avoid fat old women! not really about seeing teens at all..'teen' will be 18-25) is just another symptom of your relationship issues. And I don't think it's weird for a nearly 40 yr old man (hardly old) to want to be looking at beautiful 20 yr old women. His timing sucks though!

Given you have a new baby, you need to start talking - and fast.

You are not over-reacting. The word teen is a concern. Starts on YouTube but ends where?. Have words and ask him how he'd feel it 40 yo men were watching his dd dancing when she's 15.

"men have these weird needs that mostly us woman can control!"

Both men and women like sex. Both men and women can control themselves.

And anyone who watches porn has no real respect for women. Porn is about treating women purely as sex objects. You think that attitude switches off as soon as they stop looking at porn??

I watch and read porn, I have respect for women. Stop projecting.

I would be livid.

I do not have porn in my marriage and even if we did, teens? yeah, I would not be impressed and it would change the way I view him.

I've seen porn which has 'teen' in the title and the woman is clearly at least 28.

However this is youtube and the people he is watching could easily actually be teenagers imo. That certainly would upset and worry me. You've just given birth and nurturing a new baby and he is off trying to look at other people's bodies - what a slap in the face!

It's absolutely unacceptable... I mean to not delete/clear search history after each and every time you've used the internet of course. You might just as well have put your feelers into his brain to find out what he is thinking and fantasizing about when he's making love with you, some things are best left unknown.

But now you've opened Pandora's Box and you didn't like what you saw. It's not easy to see how things can ever be as they were before...

Man can close his eyes, dream, wack off whenever he feels like it, probably does. And maybe you will never know or care when he does. And what is man fantasizing about? Would it really be so surprising and devastating to find out that it wasn't a vision of you on your wedding day?

So you've seen a tiny glimpse into mans id, the part his super-ego would normally hide from you. I say be thankful you didn't find something much, much worse (by your values and standards of course). How many of us would truly be comfortable with our innermost desires exposed to our lover, in the cold light of day?