Am I overreacting? (Porn related)

[Bumpkin2]

I found the search history of what my OH has been youtubing a couple of days ago and was pretty horrified by what I found, but I'm really not sure if I'm over reacting or not so need some impartial advice!

There were lots along the lines of "sexy teen erotic dancing" I'm not overly happy at the thought of him looking up porn, but it's the teen part that's really bothering me. He's nearly 40 and I just find that disturbing. He'd have been looking it up in the middle of the night, probably while I was in the middle of a night feed (9 month baby) and that bothers me too for some reason.

He knows I've found it but as DD was ill we've not spoken any more than that. I was actually looking up an episode of Postman Pat to comfort her when I found it!

Whenever I talk to him about anything he's doing at the moment he says I'm over reacting and I think I've lost confidence in my own opinions. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive.

I know the opinion of porn in relationships varies greatly, but it's really the teen part that I'm wondering about here. I've only seen the youtube history so not sure what else he's been looking up but I can only presume it's along the same lines.

Thanks

Regarding the time he was doing it, I think it's the point of adding insult to injury.

Anyway, I use my phone for e-mails and just log in using the browser if I want to check them on the PC. So it's not really an issue. Plus, neither of us really use favourites so it doesn't matter.

I think it's the point of adding insult to injury., yeah I can see that!

Pan

I think it is unusual for an older man to find teenagers sexy, in the sense of finding them attractive as a relationship prospect. As we all know, it happens and I wouldn't be surprised if Jeremy Forrest was reflecting on the matter from his prison cell as I type.

However, I think it is far more normal for a man of just about any age to find girls of the age of 16 at least a little bit sexually attractive, purely in visual terms. I recently read through the thread I linked to above which (for those who haven't checked it) concerns a mother who was concerned at the number of men leering at her thirteen year-old daughter. Most participants regarded her concern as absolutely justified - quite rightly in my view. What struck me about the thread was the number of women who had been catcalled, leered at, eyed-up, groped, and generally harassed in a multitude of ways. For those ready to pounce , I do not think that behaviour is at all acceptable. However, it wouldn't happen if men didn't find mid-teen girls sexy. There are plenty of men who do not behave in that way, and there is no reason to suppose that what they naturally find visually attractive in girls and women is at all different.

Yet, we could be tying ourselves up in knots here, and misunderstanding what we mean by attractive, sexy, phwoar, rel. material etc. I think on the age spectrum, the younger the female, the more the caring drive is pre-eminent, and for most men I know and am aware of that age is considerably higher than the age you seem to be pointing toward.

I'd question your last sentence as well. For me (a 'middle-aged man', damn!) there are things about a mature woman that I find incredibly sexy that a younger woman simply doesn't possess, so the "at all that different" is misplaced and I Know I'm not odd in that, given the chats I have with similarly sad, hankering-after salad days, frustrated guitar playing, groaning when we stand up, dubious-fashion clothes wearing, convinced we can still dance really well, sensible shoe-wearing types.

Pan

I agree with what you say, but question its relevance. My point was to say that it is factually incorrect to say that a normal man cannot find a girl of the age of 15 (or thereabouts) sexually attractive in a visual sense. I am sure that the average man in his thirties finds women of the same age more attractive in every sense of the term. However, it does not follow that the average man cannot find 15 yo girls visually sexy at all unless he is a pervert. That was the claim made back on page 6, and what I was challenging - and in doing so copped a lot of flak.

The more this discussion continues, the more I feel society should recognise this, front up to it, and on that basis deal with it in a sensible manner.

The term "child" has been bandied about in this discussion in a way which is at best misleading and at worst deliberately inflammatory. I think what I have said is really plain fact, although a sensitive matter right now due to the various national scandals. Let me say that I have no sympathy with the perpetrators. I hope justice is meted out to those still within its reach, and to the reputations of those who aren't.

Yep you're over reacting..try to chill and have a bit of fun !!!!
I love watching porn. I watch alone and with DH and very regularly. Nothing wrong with it, it enriches and varies our sex life. I feel empowered, in charge and very very sexy...DH never complains he "loves me to bits"
never feel guilty...its just good sexy fun !!!

YABU, YouTube isn't porn.

To be honest there's a good chance looks at actual porn or some other form of smut being a man, if you find that upsetting I'd just steer clear of knowing about it if possible.