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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I overreacting? (Porn related)

232 replies

Bumpkin2 · 17/10/2013 20:55

I found the search history of what my OH has been youtubing a couple of days ago and was pretty horrified by what I found, but I'm really not sure if I'm over reacting or not so need some impartial advice!

There were lots along the lines of "sexy teen erotic dancing" I'm not overly happy at the thought of him looking up porn, but it's the teen part that's really bothering me. He's nearly 40 and I just find that disturbing. He'd have been looking it up in the middle of the night, probably while I was in the middle of a night feed (9 month baby) and that bothers me too for some reason.

He knows I've found it but as DD was ill we've not spoken any more than that. I was actually looking up an episode of Postman Pat to comfort her when I found it!

Whenever I talk to him about anything he's doing at the moment he says I'm over reacting and I think I've lost confidence in my own opinions. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive.

I know the opinion of porn in relationships varies greatly, but it's really the teen part that I'm wondering about here. I've only seen the youtube history so not sure what else he's been looking up but I can only presume it's along the same lines.

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Bumpkin2 · 17/10/2013 21:42

During a night feed doesn't help matters, but it's mainly the teen part that's really bothering me.

OP posts:
Boardingblues · 17/10/2013 21:42

If I read the original posting she is assuming that it was when she was feeding but does not know this... I think she is snowballing this issue

Original poster
Bumpkin2 · 17/10/2013 21:45

You're right, I am just assuming that, but I know that it was during the night and that's the only time I can think of that he'd have been up and gone downstairs during the night but I could be wrong.

OP posts:
tedmundo · 17/10/2013 21:45

God no, 'me time' is all part of a healthy, happy life and would never deny anyone that.

I do question his timing though.

suebfg · 17/10/2013 21:45

OP has clarified the night time feeding thing isn't the main issue

Original poster
Bumpkin2 · 17/10/2013 21:47

Nighttime duties are split as much as they can be. Basically if he wakes up first he goes, if I wake up first either I go, or I elbow him and tell him to go! Unfortunately she is still fed a lot through the night so he can't help much with that.

OP posts:
tedmundo · 17/10/2013 21:48

Oh, just seen your post. Well, if there is a doubt about when it was then ask him hey? Hope it gets sorted. Enjoy your baby!

Thisisaeuphemism · 17/10/2013 21:48

Grim

spookyspoonrulestheworld · 17/10/2013 21:51

Nope, I completely get your concerns, OP.

He's nearly 40, and he wants to look at teenage girls...I'd have more respect for him if he was looking at grown women.

It's creepy and wrong and if this was my DH I think I'd be reviewing my marriage.

spookyspoonrulestheworld · 17/10/2013 21:54

I'm quite shocked by the responses on this thread, tbh.

An almost 40-something yr old husband and father of a young baby is getting up at night to watch teenage girls undress.

And most people think it's not an issue.

It IS.

middleagedwoman · 17/10/2013 21:54

YANBU

I am against any porn and wouldn't put up with it in any relationship. But yes, a 40 year old bloke looking at teenage girls is pretty pervy.

I hope you are okay OP Flowers

vichill · 17/10/2013 22:00

There is a very popular viral video on YouTube of a stupid late teen girl dancing like a stripper to some awful rap song and she ends up crashing through a glass table and setting herself on fire. Its been talked about on the radio and other media so he might have been trying to look at it. As the internets full of free filth and the fact YouTube don't allow any seriously sexual material, I doubt he would use YouTube for wank material. I would give the benefit of the doubt if further snooping was fruitless.

Original poster
Bumpkin2 · 17/10/2013 22:18

There were about 10-15 different clips, and if it had been something like that he'd have told me, and not responded how he did.

OP posts:
FHS · 17/10/2013 22:29

It's VERY sleazy Sad

Suelford · 17/10/2013 22:35

In porn, teen seems to mean under 25, and MILF means over 25. Does it surprise you that he, or anyone, man or woman, is looking for videos of lithe young bodies rather than saggy old ones?

WorraLiberty · 17/10/2013 22:43

Yes 'teen porn' is normally 18 to 25yr old models.

Original poster
Bumpkin2 · 17/10/2013 22:43

Wow, so all over 25 year olds have saggy old bodies?!

OP posts:
ScaryFucker · 17/10/2013 22:48

Categorising women in this manner is a tool of the porn industry. Not a great sight to see women replicating it here on this thread.

Thisghosttrainisreversing · 17/10/2013 22:58

The 'teen' part of it would upset me greatly too OP. YADNBU.

Cityofgold · 18/10/2013 00:34

Just for context 'teen", while doubtless an odious descriptor is extremely common in porn videos. It certainly does not imply some form of child search term in the original. If there are 10-15 videos I would guess he was linking from video to video, "people who liked this also liked this..." on the side bar.
If your (OP) concern is the child related content do not be concerned, if your concern is related to the actual watching of porn and/or the watching of porn while you were BF then you need to have that conversation/issue an appropriate bollocking. I don't think it would go down too well with my missus If I was up to that...

kali110 · 18/10/2013 03:18

Think its bad if he was doing it whilst you weree doing the night feeds but i wouldnt really be moaning. A lot of porn is just about fantasying
Im certainly not no man pleaser but i dont have a problem with porn.
Plus there is a possibility you are over reacting since you didnt even look what these videos are.

themaltesefalcon · 18/10/2013 04:36

I'd be very upset. Poor OP.

Toadinthehole · 18/10/2013 04:49

Leave aside the "teen" aspect for a second.

If he was looking for wank fodder, does it make any difference that the material he was looking at wasn't "pornographic" in the technical sense?

I doubt all that many women would be alarmed at their husbands downloading pics of the Rokeby Venus IYSWIM.

ApocalypseThen · 18/10/2013 06:30

I think I'd be a little disconcerted if I was performing one of the duties of a post natal adult woman while at the same time (literally), my husband was looking for videos of youngsters.

akachan · 18/10/2013 07:04

It wasn't porn and he didn't search for teens. And you're not sure when he did it. Correct me if I have this wrong!

Would it bother me if my husband clicked through youtube recommendations and found himself watching young women twerking? No, as someone said above it's pretty compelling!

I think a bit of privacy is really important and personally I really wouldn't want to have to justify my internet use to my OH.