Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School banning party invites unless...

213 replies

Sparklymommy · 15/10/2013 08:53

The whole class is invited. How ridiculous! What about if your in a school with three classes for each year group? Do you have to invite the whole year group?!?!

Currently organising a disco for my four children and they have got the invite list down to 66. That's NOT inviting everyone, just the children they want to come. And I'm sure a few extras will be added before the actual day. If we had to invite everyone then that would be the WHOLE SCHOOL plus lots from the dance school. I'm mad, but not completely gaga!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 15/10/2013 08:54

I think the point that was being made is that it isn't nice to give out invites at school to all bar a few children which is right IMO.

Personally I think you either need to invite less than half the class or all of the class. To leave out just a handful isn't very pleasant.

bigbrick · 15/10/2013 08:56

Not everyone is good friends with their whole class. Why is the school class taken as the group for the child as children are also friends with children not in their class - other school classes, neighbours, hobbies, sports etc. The school doesn't control the kids parties or friendships

PresidentServalan · 15/10/2013 08:56

I read the article and I think the guy was asking that party invites not be given out at school if the whole class wasn't invited (that's how I read it but I could be wrong - it was in the Daily Fail!)

gordyslovesheep · 15/10/2013 08:56

Actually they have banned them being given out in school ...which seems fair to me

CeliaLytton · 15/10/2013 08:56

What do you mean by 'banning'? That children can't give them out in school? If so, I think fair enough. Arrange for them to be given directly to parent before or after school, no need for a grand display of 'YOU are invited but YOU are not invited' within school time.
YABU

mrsyattering · 15/10/2013 08:58

it is absolutely ridiculous! invite who your kids want. childen find out soon enough that they can't be everyone's friend. school can't dictate like this to you Shock

Original poster
Sparklymommy · 15/10/2013 09:00

Fair enough, but if you only see that child at school then sometimes it's the only way to give out invites. Perhaps it will come to the point where people will post invites, but then I don't know all the addresses of my children's friends. Or all the e-mail addresses. I don't know all the parents. I can see that it isn't nice to be left out, but its not always possible to invite everyone. And as someone else said, what about friends from other places? Half my children's invites are for children outside of school.

OP posts:
mrsyattering · 15/10/2013 09:00

I agree with handing to the parents though

CeliaLytton · 15/10/2013 09:02

If you see a child at school you must also see them before and after school. So hand to the parent/carer. Problem solved.

gordyslovesheep · 15/10/2013 09:03

No ones saying you HAVE to invite the whole class though ...read the article. He is simply preventing invites being handed out in class

Pagwatch · 15/10/2013 09:05

If you see the parent at school, ask for thir address or email address. Or ask a mutual friend. Or ask the teacher to give the parent a note to call you...

ilovesooty · 15/10/2013 09:05

school can't dictate like this to you
I would imagine that the school is perfectly entitled to ban the use of its premises to facilitate social arrangements scheduled to take place outside school.

nomorecrumbs · 15/10/2013 09:05

Initially I was against this, then I thought of school as like a workplace.

Well, all colleagues are invited to work parties which happen off work premises, why can't schoolchildrens' parties be the same?

If children want a private party they can still do so, just don't hand out the invites at school.

Original poster
Sparklymommy · 15/10/2013 09:06

It's not our school, just to clarify. It's in the news review on LK. I just think its absurd. My children will be taking in invites this week. I expect them to give them out before/after school. I don't often go to the school so won't be overseeing it and as I said, I don't know every parent. Bizarre!

OP posts:
MadeOfStarDust · 15/10/2013 09:06

So what age to kids then get to realise that the sun does not shine from their bum and that sometimes they will not be invited to things that someone else is??

treaclesoda · 15/10/2013 09:06

When I read these things I just wonder why has this suddenly become an issue now? When I was at primary school it was the norm to give out party invitations at school, no one thought anything of it, and there was no real drama. Some kids went to one kids party, others went to other kids parties, it all worked out ok.

For my kids parties, if I had to give party invitations directly to parents, I could only invite the kids who have SAHM's because I wouldn't know their granny/granda/auntie/childminder at the school gates. And I certainly don't know where they live.

Tailtwister · 15/10/2013 09:07

At DS's school the teacher won't distribute party invites into book bags unless it's for the whole class. We have a parent contact list with everyone's address/email on, so if you want to do a smaller party you can. I think that's a very good way of dealing with things.

However, you won't spare children the disappointment of not being invited because parties are talked about afterwards. DS mentioned one he wasn't invited to and I just explained that sometimes it's not possible to invite everyone. He seemed happy with that.

Theas18 · 15/10/2013 09:07

They are only banning giving out of invites in school aren't they . This is surely to avoid the " everyone else but my child was invited" type postings ( and I assume also having the teacher/TA given them out/put them in book bags is a bind too taking work time from them- if everyone gets one then it's just a pile by the door saying " billys party please take one") .

They aren't making you " friends with everyone" just if you want specific kids you should invite them yourself

Small parties really should be a 1 to 1 invite anyway?

fluffyraggies · 15/10/2013 09:08

Yes, they are saying invite who you want, but if you are inviting lots of children from one class but not all then please do it discretely to save the feelings of those left out. Not much to ask.

You wouldn't send your kids in with a bag of sweets to proudly hand out to only 20 of the 25 kids in their class and leave out the ones they don't like.

ToggyD · 15/10/2013 09:08

I might start a thread about this in chat. I'll invite:

Gordyslovesheep
Celialytton
Mrsyattering
PresidentServalan
Bigbrick
and Sirzy, to post on it.

ToggyD · 15/10/2013 09:09

And Fluffy
Theas
Tailtwister
Teacle
and Stardust

ToggyD · 15/10/2013 09:10

And Pagwatch
Sooty
and Nomorecrumbs

Lottiedoubtie · 15/10/2013 09:10

I imagine they will realise it once they hear from X that they are going to Y's party but they are not.

That seems like a normal way to find out.

What seems cruel is Y being allowed to hold court in the cloakroom (or wherever) saying 'one for you, one for you, oh, yes and you I love you, but no not you, you're one of the two people I've decided to leave out....'

MidniteScribbler · 15/10/2013 09:11

I do the same as Tailtwisters teacher above. Unless it's for the whole class, then it needs to be done away from the classroom. It's not that people need to invite the whole class, but it stops the big display that often goes along with the invitation process. Yes, I'm looking at you woman who thought she'd send a clown to stand at the door of the classroom to ask each student's name and hand them a balloon only if they were invited. Four students out of thirty were not invited. Rude bitch.

ilovesooty · 15/10/2013 09:14

I don't see why teachers and TAs should have to distribute invitations. They have enough to do already.