School banning party invites unless...

[Sparklymommy]

The whole class is invited. How ridiculous! What about if your in a school with three classes for each year group? Do you have to invite the whole year group?!?!

Currently organising a disco for my four children and they have got the invite list down to 66. That's NOT inviting everyone, just the children they want to come. And I'm sure a few extras will be added before the actual day. If we had to invite everyone then that would be the WHOLE SCHOOL plus lots from the dance school. I'm mad, but not completely gaga!

Some adults are truly horrible and encouraging that sort of behaviour in their children is awful. It also shows exactly why things like party invites need to be kept as far out of the class as possible, to protect the feelings of the children who are always the victims of parents/pupils lack of consideration.

Westie judging by some of the behaviour by parents regarding my son I really wouldn't be surprised it's parent driven. In fact it would explain one smug look I got from a mother once who was dishing out invites.

I want to do a party for his next birthday but don't know who to invite :(

My daughter goes to school on the bus and we have small birthday parties at home or special outings, also with limited numbers. Oddly enough she knows where her friends live, so we deliver the invites in person :o (Actually we do this because her birthday is at the start of term, so we want to give the invites out in the holidays, but still :o ) .

Reception kids are getting to know each other, so I assume that is where the problem lies, and where the whole class party thing comes in too, but by Year 1 and beyond if you're having a small party, won't you tend to actually know the kids and have met their parents because the kids play together outside school?

Honestly - if you really haven't the time (and i appreciate this) or the inclination to find out the email addresses or phone numbers of the children that you want to invite, then perhaps it's time to accept that your child can't have loads of their class at a party.

A class of children at school is a delicate dynamic of lots of growing little personalities, all gathered together every day to LEARN. They're not all gathered together to make it handy when it comes to party invites.

It's heartbreaking to see the faces of the children being left out due to stupid recent playground spats, or because they come to school in scruffy clothes etc etc. Especially if you know, for eg. that that child is currently having a shit time at home, and school is a refuge for them.

How can anyone say my convenience as a working mum is more important than those children's feelings, or that those children have to just 'take it on the chin' as that's life!?

I'm not sure that kids do play together outside of school very much, When parents are working during the week they usually want to keep their weekends as family time, My dd doesn't go to friends houses nearly as much as I did at that age. So most of her party invitations come from kids who we don't actually know outside of school.

My child dies go to a private school, is SN & does miss out because I work when parent social events take place & because some parents think he's a naughty kid

But this rule would just make things worse for us.

Great post fluffy

Westie, that's the most upsetting thing I've heard. What kind of morons are these? what sort of appalling behaviour are they reinforcing? your poor little girl. That makes me ache.

Also he misses out because we live away from where most of his friends live so he doesn't see them outside school.

YABU. It is an excellent idea. There have been so many threads on here about upset children, it is good to see head making a stance against such petty behaviour.

Not just the time/inclination but the confidence to approach someone to ask for their details.

Did you speak to the mother Westie? Your daughter must have been devastated. :(

DD has a lovely DF, with a non English speaking mother, who comes on the bus!

School is the only place they can exchange party, play date invites and hopefully her, utterly dippy, English father reads them.

I'm not sure that banning the invites in school will actually solve the problem. In fact, it might increase it. A parent who knows the teachers will notice that they're leaving out one person, may well be happy to do it when it's unseen-and maybe they can always claim "I did send it, maybe your email was wrong".
If a teacher noticed one out of a class was missed out, then they could, and possibly should comment to the parent-it may have been an accident anyway.

Also I suspect you'll also find that the children do things like stand by the gates to give out the invites. And they'll talk about it in school. Given them out discretely in the playground often doesn't work because it only takes one child to jump up and down excited and they can all come running round asking if they have an invite. Slipping them into bookbags is actually quite discrete.

Then you have the issue of the parent who doesn't come into school/isn't in the clique so no one has their contact details so the child then can't be invited. Surely it will increase that.

I think saying half the class or less, or whole class is fine.

The school is not there to facilitate your child's social arrangements outside school, much less be a party to some of the horrible exclusions described on this thread.

gamer, invite the kids he likes from school (and friends from outside school). Don't get caught up in the other parents' games - because the thing that surely is most likely to get them to issue return invitations and understand is seeing how he behaves, rather than them imagining it.
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Also, I'm not on face book or in the mum's clique so school gate was my one interaction with the other mum's too.

Seriously notes and invites will be passed round at school and parties and sleep overs discussed and DCs upset.

Just as I'd love an invite to some of the other mum's events, but it won't ever happen.

pictures - i see what you are saying (I'd have that problem too). Perhaps ask the class teacher or TA for help with getting the info?

dewe - ''I think saying half the class or less, or whole class is fine. - yes, i think this too. An easy way to stop just 1, 2 or 3 children being left out.

Another whose children go on the bus so I dot. Know the other parents or their contact details. I also can't give them out or receive myself so this new rule would leave my children out.
Luckily for my children I couldn't handle a party with a whole class so we now just do a treat with one friend each. I do know their best friends so that's easier.

I don't know a lot of the other parents - lots of working parents so lots of childminders/GP drop off or before and after clubs.

I've approached a few parents directly when DC have asked to set something up and been shouted in very unpleasant and aggressive way and I'm a very polite person, DC have written notes with my permission and phone no to set things up and been ignored, and when a DC had been ill and eldest wasn't sure she had invite texted with phone number given for that DC party return to be told off for not having deleted the number and how dare I use it to get in touch.

So I prefer to go through teachers.

I assumed at first that the teachers discretely handed the invites out but a few years of eldest begging for party turned out they were publicly handed out at end of day and she wasn't being invited because she wasn't having parties and she was sitting there feeling left out and upset.

We've also had our well behaved DS not invited because his year is cliquey and I'm not in with them so he doesn't get to go to his closest friends parties. I'm sure if it was completely outside school DS would notice less.

I hate giving parties with non rsvping, rsvping then not turning up, turning up with uninvited siblings and expecting us to cater for them to but we do it so the DC feel they fit in at school.

So maybe it's not such a bad idea - perhaps the pressure to have big expensive whole class parties which then require venues to host them would fall away.

Did you speak to the mother Westie? Your daughter must have been devastated. sad

No I didn't. For some unknown reason she hated me and used to completely blank me and turn her back on me if I so much as said hello. God knows why.

Well arty invites should not be given out in school time, hand them out on collection after school away from the classroom

I think saying half the class or less, or whole class is fine.

Yea we've done whole class and when DC picked an expensive venue one sex. This does require a venue setting as couldn't have that many DC in the house.

Once eldest hit KS2 have done much smaller group across year, 2 classes, and held it at our house but they were old enough to be very discrete handing out invites.

Westie tats so bad, some mothers are like overgrown children!

Westie do you think it was because you have ASD? Even if she knew and that was the reason, what a horrid thing to do. Karma to her not her poor dd!