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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School banning party invites unless...

213 replies

Sparklymommy · 15/10/2013 08:53

The whole class is invited. How ridiculous! What about if your in a school with three classes for each year group? Do you have to invite the whole year group?!?!

Currently organising a disco for my four children and they have got the invite list down to 66. That's NOT inviting everyone, just the children they want to come. And I'm sure a few extras will be added before the actual day. If we had to invite everyone then that would be the WHOLE SCHOOL plus lots from the dance school. I'm mad, but not completely gaga!

OP posts:
frogspoon · 16/10/2013 22:12

I think this is a good idea. I remember being particularly upset aged about eight, to be one of the only children in the class not invited to an ice skating party. It was particularly upsetting as I had invited this girl to my own (numbers limited) party and had considered her to be a friend and because everyone was talking about it at school.

I agree that learning you can't always be invited to everything is an important skill, but there is no need to make rejection so obvious, particularly to the child who never gets invited to anything.

If you can't host the whole class, just hand the invitations out outside school, or by phone, email, text, snail mail etc

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/10/2013 13:10

Having a contact list with email - a new one if need be - [email protected] for example is the way round all the hassle of sending invited out at school

Kids can't go to every party nor should that think they should be invited to all events but if always being left out that's hard :(

Those who said their children never went to parties /often left out - did you do parties? Did you invite those children who didn't invite yours?

minniemagoo · 17/10/2013 13:29

I am genuinely surprised at how many parents say they have no contact details for their DCs friends parents. We have a full class list for all parents and we sign up to a code of conduct ie numbers not to be used for touting business etc.
For those who hand out invites to Dcs without a contact number for parents what happens if the child has an accident in your care or even at a 3rd party location.
Also for those of older children surely by the time a child is in their 3rd/4th year of school you would know their friends parents socially even minimally?

HexU · 17/10/2013 14:03

For those who hand out invites to Dcs without a contact number for parents what happens if the child has an accident in your care or even at a 3rd party location.

If you mean at parties - parents tend to stop as late as 6/7 years here and if they don't reply by text they usually leave their phone numbers if they do leave them or you ask them to.

Prior to 8 years though do find even if you do ask for them to reply by text - many don't though they do then stay or arrange for another adult to say. So it's not uncommon not to have other parents numbers.

People here are very suspicious - though I'd go for the e-mail list I'm not so sure about other parents.

Also for those of older children surely by the time a child is in their 3rd/4th year of school you would know their friends parents socially even minimally?

Some to talk to, some to nod to others by sight a few I've no idea who they are or which DC is there but seem to know me when they want something others never see. So leave it to eldest to sort out invites.

Outside of school and a few clubs DC don't socialize with their class mates despite living close to school and despite my many and varied attempts to try and facilitate this over the years. Lucky they are close in age.

It's not a friendly area and even at DC parties other parents don't alway want to talk to us or they do but don't even say hello when you next see them.

ilovesooty · 17/10/2013 14:22

So people are suspicious enough not to give out any contact details but still happy enough to accept invitations to strangers' houses?

Very peculiar.

I'm glad I didn't teach in primary. Why on earth should teachers and TAs act as postal go betweens and deal with any upset caused?

ilovesooty · 17/10/2013 14:23

Sorry HexU that's not a criticism of you!

HexU · 17/10/2013 16:12

Most people have grown up here and seem to have very negative outlook thinking everyone has ulterior motives - with some lovely exceptions though many of those are blow ins like us or have lived elsewhere. There is this under currant of local things for local people.

I've never lived anywhere like it before and I grew up in a small village and lived all over UK and this is a suburb of a small town.

Though to be fair there are very few house parties as its usually venues- and when I left reception DD1 at one years ago she was upset because apparently a large number of other parents stopped in the small house making it very over crowded but I hadn't.

We plan to move away soon.

needaholidaynow · 18/10/2013 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrohnicallyLurking · 18/10/2013 17:59

It's a great idea. We had a case of one child (with SEN) not getting an invite and becoming upset. Teacher managed so smooth things over 'oh, but not everybody can be invited, there just isn't space' and the birthday child piped up 'oh no miss, there's space, but my mummy said I wasn't allowed to invite x'. Obviously x got more upset, and every time the teacher tried to calm him down the birthday child piped up again. This was in the morning, x was upset all day. If invites weren't dealt with in school then a) x may well have not realised and b) the teacher would not have been in the position of trying to do the register, calm down x and shut the birthday child up all at the same time.

CrohnicallyLurking · 18/10/2013 18:01

Oh, and I completely understand birthday child's mum not I voting x- it's the way she clearly made a big thing of 'not being allowed to' invite x rather than making an excuse such as space.

CrohnicallyLurking · 18/10/2013 18:01

Inviting, not I voting

roadwalker · 18/10/2013 21:57

I have no problem with a group of children being invited to a party but I do not think it is the teachers/TA job to give them out
I do have a problem with 1 or 2 children out of a class being left out and I have never done this myself
Either a few or the whole class
A boy in my DD's class had a whole class party (30 kids) 2 years running except her
The boy told my DD ( who has SEN) that his Dad couldnt stand her and would 'knock her head off if she was at his party'
The whole class was talking about the party and the whole class knew my DD was not invited
I am happy to say the family have moved and the boy is not in my DD's class any longer
It was disgraceful behaviour

gamerchick · 19/10/2013 06:43

Needaholiday if you were NEVER invited and had your face rubbed in it. Would you have been fine with that as a kid?

Some of the posts in here are so sad. :(

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