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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband staring constantly at younger women.

187 replies

Eliza73 · 03/10/2013 09:31

I'm getting fed up with my DH staring at other women, usually those in their early 20s. I wouldn't mind him just looking..we all stare a bit at attractive people but he's started smiling a bit inanely and standing there with his mouth open and it's actually making me feel embarrassed. He's 48 and average looks, a bit overweight..I love him but I don't think a beautiful 20 year old would be beating a path to his door. He thinks he is still 20 I think.
The last straw was yesterday when we were at the shops behind two girls who obviously fancied themselves, flicking hair, pouting and looking to see who was watching them. In the car park, they let their trolley run across the car park whilst my DH is staring, smiling and making it obvious to them he thought they were hilarious. I'm waiting for him to unlock the car. I told him I felt a bit crap...old and unattractive all of a sudden. He said it was " hilarious " and I obviously don't have a sense of humour. I asked him if he would be laughing if two blokes let go of their trolley ( and it smashed into his car ) and he said he would have thought they were twats. I'm also annoyed that these girls were doing it all to make a scene..look at me sort of thing....and he thinks it's just for his benefit.

He is now in a mood says he's just being polite and friendly and now won't bother talking to anyone. Not sure if it's me or him?

OP posts:
AKAK81 · 03/10/2013 09:34

Every man I know does this. The key to it is being subtle so you don't get caught

LifeofPo · 03/10/2013 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSeaPriestess · 03/10/2013 09:37

Erm my DH doesn't do this and would get a swift kick in the bollocks if he did!

There's that little thing called 'respect'.

Binkyridesagain · 03/10/2013 09:37

My DH doesn't do this either.

MorrisZapp · 03/10/2013 09:38

I think it's ok to notice attractive people, but if he's actually staring at young women that's pretty disgusting really.

We're all younger women to somebody. I wouldn't like to see a pensioner staring at me and drooling.

Well, Jon Snow or somebody like that, maybe. But in general, it's yuck. He's making a right dick of himself, never mind the disrespect to you as his wife.

BunnyLebowski · 03/10/2013 09:38

"Every man I know does this."

You should start mixing with a better class of men.

Wishfulmakeupping · 03/10/2013 09:39

It's very disrespectful to you give him a taste of his own medicine next time and swoon at the nearest half decent bloke see if he likes feeling insecure

TigerBabyyy · 03/10/2013 09:40

My dh doesnt do this either. Do it back to him, see how he reacts when the tables are turned

ssd · 03/10/2013 09:40

dh doesn't do this, but then again he's a man, not a wanker

Latara · 03/10/2013 09:41

He's wrong to do this but please don't let it make you feel unattractive - IMO girls who are full of themselves are quite unattractive anyway.

ICameOnTheJitney · 03/10/2013 09:50

My DH doesn't do it either! He's 40 and of course 20 year old girls are lovely but he'd not openly perve on them! OP I would be telling your husband that if he does it again, you will call out to the girls "Oi there's an old perve looking at your arse...look at the state of him..."

He sounds awful!

Original poster
Eliza73 · 03/10/2013 09:53

He wouldn't sit there staring at a girl on her own on the train, for example...it's always those group of girls who are all laughing a bit too loud to attract attention...the sort that you want to purposely look the other way, because they think they are a bit special! He will always smile approvingly in an obvious manner and that's what I find a bit embarrassing. I'm not sure why he does it.

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 03/10/2013 09:55

My DH doesn't do this either.
I see this often though when men walking with their wives/partners openly staring and turning their heads to continue staring after other women. It's disgusting and I really feel sorry for the wife. It's humiliating and so disrespectful to her. Yanbu.

GrandstandingBlueTit · 03/10/2013 10:01

How is it, I wonder, that your average uneveolved middle-aged, slightly plump, run-to-seed 48 year old male has such a healthy self-esteem that he just knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that two young twenty year olds are giving it all that purely for this benefit? Grin

I mean, where do they hand out self-esteem, that the balding, pudgy, hirsute non-lookers of the male variety are literally brimming over with confidence, but the stunningly beautiful women of a myriad of ages have none?!

It doesn't make any sense.

Those women were laughing at your DH, but the way OP, as I'm sure you know. Laughing at, that is, not with. Tell him to cop on, and stop making an arse of himself, and you.

LEMisdisappointed · 03/10/2013 10:02

He sounds like a dirty old man, i think that is the consensus of this thread- you should show him it.

SPsTwerkingNineToFive · 03/10/2013 10:05

The girls he are staring at are old enough to be his daughters. Remind him of that.

My dad is 41 and he doesn't stare at 20 something's as that's my age. It would be like my dad perving at my friends. Errrr

AKAK81 · 03/10/2013 10:07

Hilarious - ALL men do this it's just some are much better at not being caught than others.

Bumpotato · 03/10/2013 10:08

If my DH does this he hides it well he's not a letch

SugarMiceInTheRain · 03/10/2013 10:09

My DH never does this. He isn't interested in other women.

YANBU at all. I'd be annoyed. Your DH is also being absurd thinking they were doing it for his benefit.

LouiseAderyn · 03/10/2013 10:15

While it's natural to notice attractive people, it is beyond rude and disrespectful to lech over them when you are married/in a relationship! The fact that he does this openly, when you are with him is absolutely disgusting - he is showing such an utter lack of respect and care for you.
I serm to be saying this a lot recently, but you need to ditch this loser and get a husband who cares about your feelings.

FreudiansSlipper · 03/10/2013 10:19

it is very disrespectful towards you and to the other women they are not objects

not all men do it, i had an ex who did it had a big impact on my confidence. my boyfriend after him did not he may have occasionally looked if an attractive women walked by but certainly not stared why would he

LifeofPo · 03/10/2013 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lilacroses · 03/10/2013 10:23

It's disrespectful towards you Op. Really unpleasant behaviour. It's bound to make you feel unhappy and insecure and it is also pathetic behaviour. Oggling at young women in such an obvious way. Yuk.

Original poster
Eliza73 · 03/10/2013 10:24

He does have a lot of confidence ...I blame his mother telling him constantly how wonderful he is. He is also a bit over friendly with my dc teachers ..constantly talking to them ...asking how they are. They all like him but I guess you would like the attention. I don't think he would be bothered if I started doing the same , to be honest.

OP posts:
Lilacroses · 03/10/2013 10:25

I know loads of lovely confident men. There is nothing wrong with that at all. It's nice to be chatty and friendly. I'm like that. There is a whole heap of difference between that and leching though.