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Original poster

Husband staring constantly at younger women.

187 replies

Eliza73 · 03/10/2013 09:31

I'm getting fed up with my DH staring at other women, usually those in their early 20s. I wouldn't mind him just looking..we all stare a bit at attractive people but he's started smiling a bit inanely and standing there with his mouth open and it's actually making me feel embarrassed. He's 48 and average looks, a bit overweight..I love him but I don't think a beautiful 20 year old would be beating a path to his door. He thinks he is still 20 I think.
The last straw was yesterday when we were at the shops behind two girls who obviously fancied themselves, flicking hair, pouting and looking to see who was watching them. In the car park, they let their trolley run across the car park whilst my DH is staring, smiling and making it obvious to them he thought they were hilarious. I'm waiting for him to unlock the car. I told him I felt a bit crap...old and unattractive all of a sudden. He said it was " hilarious " and I obviously don't have a sense of humour. I asked him if he would be laughing if two blokes let go of their trolley ( and it smashed into his car ) and he said he would have thought they were twats. I'm also annoyed that these girls were doing it all to make a scene..look at me sort of thing....and he thinks it's just for his benefit.

He is now in a mood says he's just being polite and friendly and now won't bother talking to anyone. Not sure if it's me or him?

OP posts:
WallaceWindsock · 03/10/2013 10:26

AKA not all men do this, I'd like to know how you know that every single male on this planet does this? DP doesn't because I'm bi and we will both comment to each other if we see someone eye catching. So he might say to me in Debenhams "there's a stunning lady in the salad server aisle" and ill comment back "oh really, I saw someone nice in the jumpers" but that's about it. It's always said in a jokey non creepy way and I would certainly be surprised if I rounded a corner to find him jaw on the floor drooling over a group of girls. But then we are early twenties and don't have much time or patience for orange hair flicking gigglies.

Thinking about it if we are walking along and a group of such girls pops up infront of us with bottom cheek revealing shorts on etc DP will often nudge me and do a "oh god WHY!" face and we will giggle. I do wonder sometimes if they've looked in the mirror before going out and realise how much is actually visible!

Latara · 03/10/2013 10:26

I'm a 37 year old woman and I feel uncomfortable about looking at 20 year old men in that way - however I remember when I was a young secretary aged 20 that the men I worked with harassed me and they were 36 or so. It seems odd.

VenusDeWillendorf · 03/10/2013 10:29

I remember those sad middle aged fat guys staring with drool thing going on.

How hilarious your DH is one of them.

No words for you, except if he strays, you won't miss him!

Feminine · 03/10/2013 10:29

LEM less of the dirty old man bit please.

this man is being disrespectful. Probably a sign of something else in his life.

There are some young women who do like older men, yes even that old! Hmm With a bit of a paunch etc...

op just tell him it hurts you perhaps?

harticus · 03/10/2013 10:34

I think some men do fail to recognise when they have tipped the scales into pervy git-dom. Stuff you can do when you are 25 becomes revolting when you get beyond a certain age.
(This applies to women too btw - sick to death of all this predatory cougar shit.)
I remember how it felt to be letched at and flirted with by old (i.e. 30+ men) when I was younger. Horrible.
Not sure if you have children but ask him how he'd feel if some bloke pushing 50 flirted with his daughter like that.

LEMisdisappointed · 03/10/2013 10:38

But he IS being a dirty old man - I am attracted to older men, but not dirty old men. There is a difference. My DP is 48 and if he was leering at young girls I would be calling him a dirty old man too. Sorry if you don't like it.

Original poster
Eliza73 · 03/10/2013 10:39

I have...he says he's just friendly...its what makes the world go round. Apparently . I must say he did keep commenting on those denim shorts in the summer ..I thought he was taking the piss...but not sure now . I'm not that bothered about looking. I'm 40 and still get looks myself...but I do feel he is making an idiot of himself ..I'm wondering if its more to do with how I feel about him . Hmmm.

OP posts:
Feminine · 03/10/2013 10:41

My DH is 54.

I know of younger women who have tried to get friendly with him (over the last 10 years)

To some females, age does not seem to be a problem.

I remember my sister having a massive crush on a famous actor when he was 50 odd, and she was in her 20's!

Lilacroses · 03/10/2013 10:43

I don't think he can call oggling younger women "being friendly"! It's not you it's him. Even if he does enjoy it and think it's fine, you've told him you don't like it and he carries on. That's the part that would bother me the most.

MarysDressSways · 03/10/2013 10:43

My husband certainly doesn't do this! I'm sure he clocks women who he may find physically attractive, but he doesn't give them a second glance or stare or grin inanely at them. I'd rip the piss out of him if he did!

There's a difference between being friendly and being a letch.

Feminine · 03/10/2013 10:44

Maybe I just don't like that expression then LEM I don't know?

I'd associate that with something quite different...worse behaviour perhaps?

To my mind, eliza's DH sounds like he is being a bit of an ass, and trying to cling to his younger days!

ssd · 03/10/2013 10:49

lets face it op, we can all remember being 20 and having old men eg. 40 years plus looking at us a bit too long, or laughing at something wesaid and trying to get our attention...I usually just felt sorry for the man doing this...

Your dh sounds the sort who still thinks he's a good laugh and really sociable and likeable, whilst not realising the arsehole he is.....your comment about all your dc's teachers liking him as they all like his attention made me shudder, the reality will be they see him coming and think here's XX's wanky dad....

Mojavewonderer · 03/10/2013 10:49

My brothers and my husband all actually stopped chatting and stared while a pretty young woman walked past in hot pants during the last summer and it was hilarious! My sis in law and I burst out laughing and the woman turned around and actually looked at them in disgust. I have to say I haven't noticed him do it since and neither has my sis in law ;)

fleacircus · 03/10/2013 10:50

When I was in my early 20s I used to hate men obviously looking at me in that way - for a while I used to spit on the ground (I do know how disgusting that is!) everytime it happened. I tried for a while 'looking at men' the way men looked at me; it was amazing how unnerving - almost threatening - they seemed to find it.

Feminine · 03/10/2013 10:51

flea why did you spit? for them to see?

LEMisdisappointed · 03/10/2013 10:52

leering over women half your age is pretty vile though isn't it! As i said, i am attracted to older men - gotta love a bit of Robert Di Nero and Kenny Rogers :) But Actions maketh the man, not his age.

Looking at other women in the presence you your partner is pretty disrespectful too. He is just adding being a bit sad and pathetic into the mix!

LEMisdisappointed · 03/10/2013 10:53

Well, i bet it stopped them looking flea

ssd · 03/10/2013 10:53

jesus flea, spitting on the ground is as bad as old gits eyeing up young women

ShakeRattleNRoll · 03/10/2013 10:54

Sounds like he's been rumbled .You can't have your cake and eat it!Lock up your daughters! maybe he needs therapy or you need to chat about it with him and ask him whats going on?Good luck either way

Feminine · 03/10/2013 10:55

LEM I see your point.

You are right, in front of his wife is not on anyway.

Kenny Rodgers you say? Grin cool!

LaRegina · 03/10/2013 10:57

My DH never does this. He isn't interested in other women.

Hilarious.

Anyway, if he's doing it enough for you to notice then he's doing it too much. But everybody likes a little bit of a leer at the opposite sex don't they? I saw a yummy man walking to work this morning - the trick is to use your peripherals Smile

Zoe6789 · 03/10/2013 10:57

don't think that's behaviour that HAS to be tolerated. I think men should make an effort NOT to leer at younger women because it's just excruciating for all concerned. The fat older overweight men (delete or insert) need to realise that they could make younger women feel very uncomfortable, and, it's disrespectful to their wives. I think it's a turn off myself. A man with so little self awareness that he goes all puppy dog Cheshire cat in the presence of a woman half his age and weight. It's just a massive turn off. You're the one who has to sleep with the ol' guy! If you can't respect him and he's turning you off with weird behaviour then I wouldn't blame you

harticus · 03/10/2013 10:58

Trouble is it is never the Robert de Niros of this world that do the ogling - it is usually the John McCriricks. Grin

ShakeRattleNRoll · 03/10/2013 10:59

Have you checked the history on his PC ? I wonder whether he's been admiring the opposite sex on line on the quiet without you realizing.

fleacircus · 03/10/2013 11:02

I know it's gross - I'm not saying I'm proud of it, but at the time it was almost instinctive, I felt a really visceral revulsion at being reduced to a pair of tits. I didn't dress provocatively, I'm certainly not amazing looking (even the younger version!). Nothing to do with the age of the 'looker'. This was nearly 20 years ago so I'm struggling to remember really, I think probably I only actually did it if they made a sexual comment to me or between themselves or whatever. I hated it so much that I seriously considered wearing a hijab, despite having no religious beliefs.