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Original poster

Husband staring constantly at younger women.

187 replies

Eliza73 · 03/10/2013 09:31

I'm getting fed up with my DH staring at other women, usually those in their early 20s. I wouldn't mind him just looking..we all stare a bit at attractive people but he's started smiling a bit inanely and standing there with his mouth open and it's actually making me feel embarrassed. He's 48 and average looks, a bit overweight..I love him but I don't think a beautiful 20 year old would be beating a path to his door. He thinks he is still 20 I think.
The last straw was yesterday when we were at the shops behind two girls who obviously fancied themselves, flicking hair, pouting and looking to see who was watching them. In the car park, they let their trolley run across the car park whilst my DH is staring, smiling and making it obvious to them he thought they were hilarious. I'm waiting for him to unlock the car. I told him I felt a bit crap...old and unattractive all of a sudden. He said it was " hilarious " and I obviously don't have a sense of humour. I asked him if he would be laughing if two blokes let go of their trolley ( and it smashed into his car ) and he said he would have thought they were twats. I'm also annoyed that these girls were doing it all to make a scene..look at me sort of thing....and he thinks it's just for his benefit.

He is now in a mood says he's just being polite and friendly and now won't bother talking to anyone. Not sure if it's me or him?

OP posts:
ExcuseTypos · 03/10/2013 11:48

My DH doesn't appear to leer at young women.

In fact it's one of the things that attracted me to him. I always think that a man who can't control their eyes everytime an attractive woman walks past is rather pathetic and childish.

I certainly wouldn't want to be married to a man like that.

ICameOnTheJitney · 03/10/2013 11:54

MrsWool I made it sound like I was arguing with you then...badly worded my post, I just meant to support your post. Grin

PedantMarina · 03/10/2013 11:55

Ogling people is a bit like farting. Everybody does it, but in polite society you don't let other people know you've done it.

What's really grating with this post is that he doesn't seem to care how it makes you feel, OP. Hate to say Red Flag and all, but...

Nancy66 · 03/10/2013 12:00

your husband is being a dirty old perv. If he behaves like this at work then he is going to get a reputation (if he doesn't have one already.)

We've all worked in an office with an older, middle-aged lech. It's horrible.

Appreciating and noticing youth and beauty in others is fine. But your husband massively crosses the dividing line between what's acceptable and what is not.

MrsWolowitz · 03/10/2013 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaulSmenis · 03/10/2013 12:09

Of course it's natural to notice attractive people but men and women need to know how to be polite about it.

This means to leave the leching for times when they aren't with their spouse.

To not blatently lech when they are with their spouse.

It can be very humillating when you're with someone who doesn't, or can't stick to these two simple rules.

Perhaps your DH just needs to be reminded of this?

GatoradeMeBitch · 03/10/2013 12:25

fleacircus I think that was a brilliant tactic! I'm making a mental note to pass that onto my niece (though I think you can get fined for that now... maybe something else - nosepicking?)

Golferman · 03/10/2013 12:29

Every man I know does this. The key to it is being subtle so you don't get caught

This.

Lazysuzanne · 03/10/2013 12:29

I think that obviously checking out or flirting with other people when you're with your partner is a 'technique' designed to make you feel insecure and unattractive.

I might be tempted to turn the tables on him, ie dress to be noticed and check out younger men, the hotter and fitter the better.
If he's bald and flabby be sure to obviously notice muscular young men with luxuriant hair.

yes I am being a little facetious, but I'd be very pissed off if a partner did this and I'd let him know that two can play that gameAngry

Boosterseat · 03/10/2013 12:32

This means to leave the leching for times when they aren't with their spouse.

Charming, nice to know when your OH is off the "leash" they behave like creeps.

Some people are coming across with soooooo much class aren't they?Wink

Keep it coming, I know who to avoid Grin

PaulSmenis · 03/10/2013 12:35

Charming, nice to know when your OH is off the "leash" they behave like creeps.

How do you know I meant my OH? Blush

Boosterseat · 03/10/2013 12:43

This means to leave the leching for times when they aren't with their spouse

^ This.

It sounded as if you are saying all partners stare at attractive people open mouthed when not the presence of their partner.

Sallystyle · 03/10/2013 12:44

Hate lechy men.

Never seen my husband look at another woman in the 8 year we have been together.

Does he do it? well I imagine he must do but he has enough class not to do it openly and I would be shocked if I ever saw him stand there and gawp. He hates lechy men more than I do.

It's disrespectful and immature and I think men who do it in front of their wives are either dirty old men or simply trying to make their wives feel insecure and shitty.

Original poster
Eliza73 · 03/10/2013 12:47

I think my DH isn't particularly motivated by going over the side or anything sexual its more that he thinks they might be interested in him and that's what is annoying me. I do dress attractively and I have just turned 40 ( not sure if that's some of the problem ) but am mistaken for someone a lot younger..I am nice looking too, I think so I don't like the feeling that I'm not good enough any more!

I first noticed it during the summer when we went out and there were a load of those girls who advertise things....can't think what they are called..and he kept going up with the DC to get freebies and chatting to the extent I felt like saying..she's not going to be interested in you,you know!

OP posts:
Boosterseat · 03/10/2013 12:51

Eliza, is he trying to make you jealous?

Especially if you are attractive and gain "admiring" glances from other men?

Sounds like he wants to put you back in your box.

PaulSmenis · 03/10/2013 12:52

Boosterseat, I honestly think some people don't even realise they're massive leches. Some people absolutely know they're doing it and it can also be a way of putting your partner down and making them feel like shit.

I don't really mean that everyone stares and salivates over people when they're not with their partner. They'll probably have a better look though.

Beastofburden · 03/10/2013 12:53

It's the men who are saying this happens all the time.

Guys- no, it really is just you.

bishboschone · 03/10/2013 12:54

My dh doesn't doing either and nor do I .. It's respect , he is a twunt .

Bonsoir · 03/10/2013 12:54

My DP certainly doesn't do this when I am around.

I find it repulsive when men of the generation above me (ie in their 60s and 70s... or older) ogle me. This always seems to happen at funerals - I suppose because I don't frequent many other sorts of gatherings where there are lots of older men. Some of them even tell my DP they fancy me. Who the f* do they think they are? Why can't they control themselves?

quoteunquote · 03/10/2013 12:55

How rude and creepy, does he know that he is with you?

Not all men do this, I'm a bit Shock that some people seem to think it is normal.

Feminine · 03/10/2013 13:02

I said it was natural to do it quote IME it has been.

My DH would never do it as I'm standing there, but it would be strange if he didn't notice attractive women I think?

I think posters are saying their partners look I don't think they are all confessing that they drool or stare.

SatisfiedOtter · 03/10/2013 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 03/10/2013 13:06

I don't think he would be bothered if I started doing the same , to be honest.
I have just turned 40 ( not sure if that's some of the problem )... I don't like the feeling that I'm not good enough any more!

Says to me you are feeling neglected.

he says he's just being polite and friendly...its what makes the world go round.

The world outside your front door is one thing but how you behave with your spouse is another.

Bumblequeen · 03/10/2013 13:07

I think men and women look. However there is a difference between looking and staring.

I have seen my dh look at women passing by. He does not stare though. I notice men too but do nit stare with my mouth open.

I remember being with an ex on the tube. Two women got on dressed to the hills and sat directly opposite us when the carriage was virtually empty. They laughed and spoke loudly whilst looking at us and flicking their hair. Ex was handsome and they were probably trying to show me that they could have him if they wished. I do not understand why women do this.

appletarts · 03/10/2013 13:13

You feel let down by it because he is letting you down by doing it. Has he stopped seeing you as his wife and thinks you're his mother? I wouldn't stand for it.