Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband staring constantly at younger women.

187 replies

Eliza73 · 03/10/2013 09:31

I'm getting fed up with my DH staring at other women, usually those in their early 20s. I wouldn't mind him just looking..we all stare a bit at attractive people but he's started smiling a bit inanely and standing there with his mouth open and it's actually making me feel embarrassed. He's 48 and average looks, a bit overweight..I love him but I don't think a beautiful 20 year old would be beating a path to his door. He thinks he is still 20 I think.
The last straw was yesterday when we were at the shops behind two girls who obviously fancied themselves, flicking hair, pouting and looking to see who was watching them. In the car park, they let their trolley run across the car park whilst my DH is staring, smiling and making it obvious to them he thought they were hilarious. I'm waiting for him to unlock the car. I told him I felt a bit crap...old and unattractive all of a sudden. He said it was " hilarious " and I obviously don't have a sense of humour. I asked him if he would be laughing if two blokes let go of their trolley ( and it smashed into his car ) and he said he would have thought they were twats. I'm also annoyed that these girls were doing it all to make a scene..look at me sort of thing....and he thinks it's just for his benefit.

He is now in a mood says he's just being polite and friendly and now won't bother talking to anyone. Not sure if it's me or him?

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 03/10/2013 19:05

just* not such!

phantomnamechanger · 03/10/2013 19:15

I would like to know whether there is a link between the kinds of men who think it is fine to letch at women, and whether they are also into porn?

Plenty of decent men don't do either because they respect women as people not objects.

ShakeRattleNRoll · 03/10/2013 19:20

I would start being very careful you could start by checking for porno mags under the matress hth good luck i hope he can get the help he needs for his obsession

PaulSmenis · 03/10/2013 19:21

Do men get as much of a problem with their DP's leching at other men? How much of a male problem is this?

Interesting point about porn use phantom.

Eliza73 · 03/10/2013 19:53

My DH isn't into porn . Feel a bit better. Just back from a club pickup and had a fit bloke in his 30s nod at me and a 40year old bloke stop putting his shopping in the boot and stare at me. Neither had wives with them though. Hmmm.

OP posts:
Beastofburden · 03/10/2013 20:45

Not sure, Paul. I think my DH would be really hurt if I ogled someone. He would also think I needed to see my GP.......

PaulSmenis · 03/10/2013 21:34

I don't think my DP would like it either beast. He'd also probably think it was odd.

Ekchicago · 28/04/2016 15:20

I realize I'm really late to the discussion but Omg finally validation! I've been on countless threads that were on the mans side. It took getting on an English site to see English women don't go for that BS! American women must be so used to being treated like this they think it's normal and acceptable. I have been called jealous, insecure, etc. it's a matter of respect, self control, and class! We lack this! Thank you! Oh and to "I came on the jitney" you seem like an angry person who needs to pick fights with people on the Internet. Seriously you are like a dog with a bone. Not classy.

OreosAreTasty · 28/04/2016 15:29

EkChicago,
You do not need validation.
You do not need anyone else to tell you it's wrong (by the way, in my mind it IS wrong)
Stand up for yourself, if it's wrong to you he needs to stop it.
My DH (dear husband) wouldn't dream of doing it, because he knows I take no shit.
Next time he does it, tell him loudly he's being perverted, loud enough for whoever he is staring at to notice. 9/10 the woman (or man, whatevs floats your boat) he's staring at will take your side in a heartbeat.

OreosAreTasty · 28/04/2016 15:31

Oh and by take your side, I mean staring at your DH in disgust. Which everyone should be doing. Because 1. An old man staring at a young woman is gross. Fair enough a quick look but staring enough for you to notice, grim.

  1. It doesn't make you insecure, it means you don't want him staring at someone else's err.. Assets enough for you to see.
"We accept the love we think we deserve" same goes for respect. Command higher respect it if it's not given. You DESERVE it.
derxa · 28/04/2016 15:38

My DH never does this. He isn't interested in other women. Ha ha ha He's just a bit more discreet than this silly old sod. I often ask DH 'Do you think so and so is good looking?' And he replies, 'Not at all darling. I'm only interested in you!' Every single time. Grin

DownstairsMixUp · 28/04/2016 15:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Ekchicago · 28/04/2016 17:15

Thanks girls. It actually started on my 40th birthday when a cocktail waitress got his attention all night. I didn't bring it up because I didn't want to ruin the surprise vacation he planned for us but he got an earful on the way home! I've given him an earful ever since and not once has there ever been any remorse, apology, or admission of wrong doing, he says he is "just being nice" which I have read from others who wrote in and it makes me so angry! My counselor says I should remind him when we go places what I expect. Are you kidding? I have to ask him ahead of time not to be a middle age perv???

Ekchicago · 28/04/2016 17:20

And complaining to anyone gets me labeled as insecure and jealous. Once I asked him ahead of time not to give his cousins wife so much attention, that last time it bothered me that she got all of it ALL NIGHT. Well they came to stay and she got drunk and went out of her way to get his attention and he didn't disappoint. It has turned me off and changed my feelings for him. According to my counselor I'm supposed to be grateful he comes home with me and wants to have sex with me. But I don't want him to touch me. How is that a turn on for me? I'd rather go home with the man who starred and smiled at me all night.

Voteforpedr0 · 28/04/2016 17:26

All guys do this, just not when they are with their partners. Foolish to think they wouldn't, it's human nature to be attracted to people of the other sex. Op how do you feel about yourself in terms of image ? Is there anyway you could improve if this was an area you felt insecure about ?

Ekchicago · 28/04/2016 17:29

Sorry me again ☺️ Just curious how anyone feels about older mature love being about "companionship" and that the adoring, doting, romantic segment of our marriage is behind us now. He said "I love you but I'm not in love with you". This has been a huge turnoff and has made me fall out of love too. So the adoration and eye flirting and head turning and smiling now belongs to whoever the pretty young blonde happens to be in the room for the night? I'm supposed to still have sex with him even though all his energy was channeled to her? I can't believe this is my reality. It's so unfulfilling and sad.

Ekchicago · 28/04/2016 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Voteforpedr0 · 28/04/2016 17:39

Ek you look great, explain to your dh that it's really bothering you and he needs to stop doing it or you'll start flashing at younger 20 somethings guys Grin

Ekchicago · 28/04/2016 18:19

Thank you 😊

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/04/2016 18:36

I got ogled by an actual 100 year old man at work recently. His daughter dragged him away. Beat that.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/04/2016 18:37

She said "you can stop gazing at her now" and he said "do I have to"

derxa · 28/04/2016 18:39

Fanjo Grin

Ekchicago · 28/04/2016 18:43

That's adorable lol

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/04/2016 18:45

I felt positively youthful. Got asked out by am 86 year old as well. The old guys love me.

Ekchicago · 28/04/2016 19:13

Oh yeah the 60-70 somethings love me, make me feel like I'm a young hot girl again. 😉