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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband staring constantly at younger women.

187 replies

Eliza73 · 03/10/2013 09:31

I'm getting fed up with my DH staring at other women, usually those in their early 20s. I wouldn't mind him just looking..we all stare a bit at attractive people but he's started smiling a bit inanely and standing there with his mouth open and it's actually making me feel embarrassed. He's 48 and average looks, a bit overweight..I love him but I don't think a beautiful 20 year old would be beating a path to his door. He thinks he is still 20 I think.
The last straw was yesterday when we were at the shops behind two girls who obviously fancied themselves, flicking hair, pouting and looking to see who was watching them. In the car park, they let their trolley run across the car park whilst my DH is staring, smiling and making it obvious to them he thought they were hilarious. I'm waiting for him to unlock the car. I told him I felt a bit crap...old and unattractive all of a sudden. He said it was " hilarious " and I obviously don't have a sense of humour. I asked him if he would be laughing if two blokes let go of their trolley ( and it smashed into his car ) and he said he would have thought they were twats. I'm also annoyed that these girls were doing it all to make a scene..look at me sort of thing....and he thinks it's just for his benefit.

He is now in a mood says he's just being polite and friendly and now won't bother talking to anyone. Not sure if it's me or him?

OP posts:
Hullygully · 03/10/2013 16:06

I don't know any men who do this, so I hardly think ALL men do it.

More like all ARSES do it

Boosterseat · 03/10/2013 16:09

Or teenage boys Hully

motherinferior · 03/10/2013 16:10

It is extraordinary, the number of blokes who think they're faaaaaabulous and that everyone of all sexualities must be panting for them....

I'm sure that Mr Inferior clocks, for instance, skimpily clad young women who cavort across his path, but in a sort of appreciative not leering way.

KatieScarlett2833 · 03/10/2013 16:13

DH doesn't do this, then again he's not a tool.
Neither does my son, stepfather, BIL, male mates, nephew.......
My FIL is a total perve though. We all laugh at him behind his back. And sometimes to his face.

Retropear · 03/10/2013 16:13

What Hully said.I don't know any men that do this.

My dp certainly doesn't.

Yuk!

Lazysuzanne · 03/10/2013 16:13

Limmitedperiodonly, interesting, what you say about your husband's experience in retail!

YouTheCat · 03/10/2013 16:17

The solution is simple. Whenever you see a group of attractive young men, you start rubbing your thighs vigorously, licking your lips and saying 'phwoar'. Grin

Seriously though, if you don't like him doing it, it shows a shocking lack of respect for you that he gets all moody and continues his bizarre old man behaviour.

Elfhame · 03/10/2013 16:18

Very disrespectful. I wouldn't tolerate this in a man.

PaulSmenis · 03/10/2013 16:21

It also sounds a bit mid life crisisy.

limitedperiodonly · 03/10/2013 16:35

You've reminded me badgers of a very good-looking 21 year old male friend whose straight friend took him in when his landlord kicked him out.

The straight friend had a quite predatory gay friend who suddenly found loads of reasons to come round and was making my other friend upset and angry.

DH said that happened to him when he was younger and to take it as a compliment and laugh it off or if there was anything bad, to confront. He said women had to deal with that all the time and looked at me for confirmation.

Our young friend looked at DH in confusion and said it was perfectly okay to be persistent with women, wasn't it? That was normal, wasn't it?

I realise I'm making DH sound a saint. He's not. He's pretty realistic about some things though.

Beastofburden · 03/10/2013 16:37

Yes, agree he is turning into a sad old man.

Beastofburden · 03/10/2013 16:38

Limited, what an excellent story. I hope you told the young bloke exactly,what we have all been itching to say all these years....

BadgersRetreat · 03/10/2013 18:06

i think they think we'll be flattered - knobbers Grin

mistyshouse · 03/10/2013 18:10

my dh doesn't do this

am sure he has a sneaky look sometimes, don't we all, but this constant, blatant ogling is really disrespectul to you :(

Pinupgirl · 03/10/2013 18:17

This thread is very interesting to me as I started a thread a while ago about bil and dh letching on young women on a night out and was pretty much flamed for it and told I should be grateful that at least my dh admitted itHmm

My dh does do it-quite openly. It used to really annoy me but now I just laugh and point out that no self respecting gorgeous 20 year old is going to be interested in nearly 50 year old,over weight dh! Soon puts him in his place.

Zoe567 · 03/10/2013 18:18

Jesus Christ Icameonthejitney, Hmm I do NOT lack self-awareness. The point I was making was that sometimes girls can think that a man is perving at them but a decent man will not necessarily be thinking that, he could well be thinking please cover up. As my ex was thinking about the neighbour's child who left the house in a completely horrendous outfit. For all his faults he was (that I know) not a pervert. I can't believe the eagerness of some posters to leap down somebody's throat, when it is they who got the wrong end of the stick due to not fucking reading the posts properly. If I were going to tear somebody down I'd make a point of actually reading their post through to make sure I'd understood them completely.

PaulSmenis · 03/10/2013 18:21

Does anyone else find it odd that these men are seemingly unashamed of their lecherous ways?

I'd be mortified if a young man thought I was being a dirty, pervy old lady in front of my DP. Actually, I'd be mortified if a man my own age thought I was oggling him and acting like a twat. I'd also be horrified if DP thought I was making a perv of myself in public.

maddening · 03/10/2013 18:22

I would mock him openly for being and on pervy man.

EmmaBemma · 03/10/2013 18:30

I can't imagine my husband ever doing this. He's got eyes, I'm sure he notices and appreciates any attractive young woman he encounters but he's got the good grace not to make a huge pervy deal about it! I would be both mortified and repelled by that behaviour.

Boosterseat · 03/10/2013 18:40

Aren't these leery men a turn off?

Cant imagine it would do much for me persoanlly.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 03/10/2013 18:52

Fwiw I recall a middle-aged workmate forever saying "I'm married not blind" when pulled up on ogling young women by the female workforce. Obviously he had some sort of ocular dysfunction because he would always talk at your chest. Hmm

OP it's him not you.

specialsubject · 03/10/2013 18:56

bollocks do all men do this. Only the stupid, insecure, immature ones.

PaulSmenis · 03/10/2013 19:01

I'm sure that all men notice an attractive woman, unless they're gay. They don't all have leer at them though. This is where the whole "I'm not blind" thing falls down.

lottieandmia · 03/10/2013 19:02

I really don't think all men do this. I have seen men staring at me and others when walking along with their wife/girlfriend and it annoys me and I think how upset I would be if it happened to me. Equally there are loads of men who don't do it and show no interest in me, presumably because they prefer their wife as should be the case.

lottieandmia · 03/10/2013 19:05

It's a bit like pathetic men in their 30s and 40s who share post after post of semi-pornographic photos of women on facebook which all clogs up your bloody news feed. I want to see this, why??

It all boils down to the fact that 15 year old boys can be forgiven for this sort of behaviour and anyone else is such sad.