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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand couples who can't go anywhere without each other

185 replies

arabesque · 25/07/2013 13:45

It's nice to see couples who are close and share lots of interest. But sometimes it can go a bit far. I have a friend and if you want to meet up with her you have to accept that her DP is going to come too; even if it's just 'the girls' meeting up for a chat.
Every Christmas in work there are arguments and sulks regarding whether or not partners can come to the office party with one girl refusing to attend if her husband can't come as well!

AIBU to just not get why some couples cannot have any kind of separate life, separate friends or separate interests?

OP posts:
Morgause · 25/07/2013 13:47

I'll just nip and ask DH what we think. Grin

Seriously, we'd drive each other crazy if we were joinedatthehip.

YANBU

Twirlyhot · 25/07/2013 13:47

Some people want to always be together. They have to accept that that means they won't always be invited/able to go to events.

BridgetBidet · 25/07/2013 13:47

I understand the work party thing. TBH they are normally not much fun anyway and it's a lot better if you can take someone you know you will have a laugh with.

Original poster
arabesque · 25/07/2013 13:49

I have to say, I disagree re the work party. It totally changes the dynamic if partners are there having to be looked after, not getting the 'in' jokes between colleagues etc. The parties where the partners are not invited are usually the more relaxed, 'everyone letting their hair down' ones.

OP posts:
CaptainSweatPants · 25/07/2013 13:49

Oh yes I have a friend like this

She also has joint email & fb accounts Hmm

Sallystyle · 25/07/2013 13:50

How long have they been together, OP?

Me and DH were like that for the first 18 months.

7 years later and we are no longer that way Grin

Nomoredramaplease · 25/07/2013 13:50

I don't go out socialising without my DH very much. We are fairly skint so our evenings out are very much planned in advance and if I'm going out on a very rare occasions I would prefere to go with DH who is my best friend. Plus we enjoy each others company and don't get to spend a lot of time as a couple without the DC.

squoosh · 25/07/2013 13:50

YANBU.

I don't understand people like this either, unhealthily co-dependant. Why would someone's husband want or feel the need to come along to a girls meet up?

CaptainSweatPants · 25/07/2013 13:51

Agree with arabesque
Friend I mentioned earlier was the only one who bought her Dh to work do

Guess who everyone felt they had to make polite conversation to

IneedAyoniNickname · 25/07/2013 13:51

I went to a school summer fete with my sil a couple of months ago, and she wouldn't have an ice cream as her dh wasn't there, and apparently it wasn't fair if she had one and he didn't Confused

YouTheCat · 25/07/2013 13:52

I absolutely love spending time with dp. Most of our interests are the same as well so we do tonnes together.

However, I don't tag along to his work do's (apart from the family day in the summer). And he doesn't tag along when I have things to do with friends.

Original poster
arabesque · 25/07/2013 13:52

Ok I'm going to start laughing now IneedA [grin}

OP posts:
AKissIsNotAContract · 25/07/2013 13:52

YANBU. It's all a bit co dependent

CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/07/2013 13:53

YANBU. Once met a couple on holiday. Married 50 years, been together since age 14 and they were like Siamese twins. The day he disappeared for ten minutes on an excursion she was beside herself with anxiety. Didn't seem a healthy way to live to me.

WilsonFrickett · 25/07/2013 13:53

As a partner who is expected to attend her DH's Christmas party, YANBU. There is very little I find less boring than sitting with DH's staff talking about random stuff. Although the year his direct report kept telling me how lazy my DH was and how he really did all the work - while drinking my incredibly expensive bottle of hotel wine - really did make it all worthwhile.

It's important to DH so I go, but it's tedious, completely agree with OP that work dos are more fun when it's just the workers.

WillieWaggledagger · 25/07/2013 13:53

god i wouldn't inflict my work dos on dp!

squoosh · 25/07/2013 13:54

What do these people do when their partner dies?

IneedAyoniNickname · 25/07/2013 13:54

Exactly arabesque didn't know whether Shock or Grin was a better response! He's a grown man in his 30s ffs, I'm sure he'd manage!

StuntGirl · 25/07/2013 13:55

Christ yoni. I'd have had to force feed her the damn ice cream Grin

Groovee · 25/07/2013 13:55

Dh and I have a lot of time apart because of his job but we still have separate nights out and activities. But I do like to be with him when he is here. My friend's husband died suddenly last year and I don't ever want to think "I wish we'd done that together.." and so on. But I would have an ice cream without him.

hiddenhome · 25/07/2013 13:57

Aw, me and dh like to do a lot of stuff together, but we do things separately as well.

Titsalinabumsquash · 25/07/2013 13:58

Meh, I do everything with DP, we like each others company and have the same friends, I don't see the big deal. We're not the sort of people who do the whole girls or boys night out, we ave friends of both sexes so don't understand the need to socialise with groups depending on genitalia. I know it's not for everyone though.

doingthesplitz · 25/07/2013 13:59

YANBU. We have neighbours like that. Where you see one, you will always see the other. They can't even go to the supermarket separately, play squash together on a Tuesday night, do night classes together, go to the local together every Saturday and sit on their own in a corner. They even work together for the same organisation. I don't know how they still have anything left to say to each other.

And I agree that people who whinge and whine about wanting to bring partners to work dos are a pain. Everyone just segregates off into couples and the normal dynamic disappears. When I was single I found it doubly annoying as you ended up feeling like a gooseberry at your own work party.

AaDB · 25/07/2013 13:59

This gets on my baps. I have a friend that won't go anywhere without her OH. We socialise in a mixed group a lot of the time and mix well with (most) partners. On the odd occasion we agree to go out with just a few women, it is usually to talk something over or discuss a major event. When she brings her partner to this type of thing, she wastes my rare evening out. Her partner is hard work and doesn't mix. Even if he was the best company in the world, I wouldn't want him there if we are meeting up as close friends. If she is going to spend the night talking exclusively to her OH, she should just have a date night instead.

ShabbyButNotChic · 25/07/2013 14:00

I have a friend like this, its got to the point where we only invite her to things at the last minute as we hope they already have plans and cant come. It makes everyone uncomfortable, as they dont mingle, they just sit in a corber molesting each other.
We have actually spoken to them about it in the past and they didnt seem to understand what we were saying at all. I wouldnt mind as much if they had only just got together but they have been together 10years and lived together for 8!! Save it for when you get home...