Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand couples who can't go anywhere without each other

185 replies

arabesque · 25/07/2013 13:45

It's nice to see couples who are close and share lots of interest. But sometimes it can go a bit far. I have a friend and if you want to meet up with her you have to accept that her DP is going to come too; even if it's just 'the girls' meeting up for a chat.
Every Christmas in work there are arguments and sulks regarding whether or not partners can come to the office party with one girl refusing to attend if her husband can't come as well!

AIBU to just not get why some couples cannot have any kind of separate life, separate friends or separate interests?

OP posts:
Mrsrobertduvall · 25/07/2013 14:47

I never see dh Grin
he plays golf every day, we have separate holidays and only go out together every couple of weeks.
Most evenings he is out ...if he's in, we rarely are in the same partof the house.

Suits us.

garlicagain · 25/07/2013 14:51

Yh, daisy, I do tend to wonder why couples stay married if they don't like doing things together!

Seriously, lainie? Why on earth shouldn't the family go shopping together?! Which parent do you feel should stay away from their DC on Saturdays, and would that be the one doing the shopping?

UC · 25/07/2013 14:55

I have the opposite problem - a DP who is much less sociable than me. WE go out a fair amount together on our own, but I often meet friends on my own, go to parties on my own, and we have had arguments because I want him to come to something rather than go on my own AGAIN - those arguments are always over events we are both invited to, not just me. I'd like to go out WITH him sometimes. We've had to reach a compromise on this or it would have destroyed our relationship. So now we do go out with friends together sometimes, and we have even developed some mutual friendships!

FoxMulder · 25/07/2013 14:57

This is super cheesy, and frankly I'm ashamed of myself for saying this, but when I'm not with DH I miss him. That's not to say I can't do anything without him, I just would rather not (but I do, for the sake of not being a dick).

We've been together 10 years.

HoobleDooble · 25/07/2013 15:00

My DH loves football, and has a season ticket for his team, has done since he was a kid. I not fussed about it, have been to the odd match when he's had a free extra ticket, check the results on 'Ceefax' so I know how they've done, but that's as far as my interest goes.

I am amazed by the number of people who are surprised that I don't go with him, some of which being my own family who obviously knew me before we got together. Why they feel I'd suddenly want to spent several hundred quid a year to sit on a cold plastic seat and be bored,
I have not a clue!

I do have friends that seem to 'absorb' new partners though, all of a sudden his interests will be theirs, even if they've expressed a dislike of whatever it is previously. They attend cricket matches, get passionate about football teams from parts of the country they can't point at on a map, start going to see bands that they'd usually retune the wireless to avoid etc. Then, magically, as soon as the relationship is over, so is their love affair with these hobbies. I suspect some of it lies in insecurity, thinking if they let their bloke go and do things without them it will just be a cover to cop off.

I like to call it 'male merge'.

whois · 25/07/2013 15:01

Ugh it's really annoying when an invite was issued to a friend (on their own) and they turn up with a partner in tow if you're not out for a group thing.

It's lovely to want to spend lots of time together, but I think those that can't find enjoyment in doing some separate activities are pathetic.

The SIL who didn't want an ice cream, the poster who isn't 'sad enough' to go to work events etc = pathetic.

Have to say DP and I go to the supermarket together if we're both at home. But that's more of an 'I don't see why I should have to do a crap job on my own' type of thing.

lollylaughs · 25/07/2013 15:03

My brother and his new gf are like this. Its really quite ridiculous... they even sit and talk to each other when either one of them are having a poo - they shower together (not one after another, together EVERY SINGLE DAY). When his kids are staying with him, she even gets up and dressed to go with him on the school run! They have this secret language so are like wtf Confused most of the time.. I reckon if they were teenagers I could cope with it, but he is 45 ffs! THey also have all these private jokes so if we are sitting in a group, they will both burst out laughing and say "carry on - private joke". grrr so naturally everyone else thinks they are laughing about them.

this is his gf that he broke his marriage for, so I think she is with him all the time as she really doesn't trust him 100%

chrome100 · 25/07/2013 15:03

I love my DP very much and really enjoy the time we spend together. But what makes me appreciate it all is the times we spend apart. We are both off on holiday this weekend for ten days -but I'm going to France with my mates and he's going to Spain with his. Yes, I will miss him like mad and we'll text a few times but we'll both enjoy the time with our respective friends and it will be a great reunion when we are back together and can tell each other all about what we did.

CaptainSweatPants · 25/07/2013 15:06

Since neither of us is sad enough to go to works dos, we hopefully don't offend anyone too much.

How joyless!

Some of my best mates are colleagues

themaltesefalcon · 25/07/2013 15:09

the poster who isn't 'sad enough' to go to work events etc = pathetic.

Touched a nerve did I, whois?

Very few of my friends come from work. Every firm or company I've worked for has been staffed by exactly the sort of people I don't want to watch down fifteen stellas and dance around to George Michael music (bad memories).

My free time is just that.

PlatinumStart · 25/07/2013 15:09

I have mixed feelings on this. Im pretty independent and have several groups of girl friends with whom I socialise regularly without my DH. However i enjoy spending my time with DH and our "couple friends" and if there is a mundane task to be fulfilled we will often do it together because we enjoy the companionship.

Even at home, doing completely different things we like doing it "together" so will often end up in the same room.

themaltesefalcon · 25/07/2013 15:10

CaptainSweatPants, joyles"s?! No, I have a lot of joy, just not with the sort of people who need their "joy" to be arranged for them by Pauline in HR. :)

Owllady · 25/07/2013 15:14

My husbands toes would curl at the thought of all this! If he can avoid social situations and gatherings he does, which is just as bloody annoying (for me) tbh

PlatinumStart · 25/07/2013 15:14

"Companionship" - makes me sound about 80!

I guess it helps that we both have demanding jobs which involve overseas travel and significant interests independent of each other so when we're both around we like to be together - channels 80's insurance ad!

We quite often shop enfamille Blush

Thurlow · 25/07/2013 15:26

You have to love the way people on MN can get outraged by the oddest things.

Some people work at nice places and like their colleagues. Other people don't. Considering going to a work do as being 'sad' is only a concept that stands up in relation to your own workplace.

Though if you continually work at places staffed by, as you so charmingly put it, "Pauline in HR", I'd suggest the problem might be the kind of places you choose to work...

Pinupgirl · 25/07/2013 15:32

Yanbu!! I have a friend like this! Even when it is made clear that it is to be a girls night out she will still ask if she can bring her dh! It has really annoyed a couple of other women in the group. I like her dh-in small doses-but having to listen to him witter on about computers for hours on end is not my idea of fun-I didn't marry him!

I cant bloody wait to get away from dh and the dcs the vast majority of the time!

Sallystyle · 25/07/2013 15:32

I miss my husband when we aren't together too, when he was in hospital for a week it was horrid to be away from him. When I do go out without him I look forward to coming home to see him.

I totally understand wanting to spend most of your time with your partner, still not getting the people who would take DP/H along on a women's get together because they simply can't be apart for an hour or two.

Alohomora · 25/07/2013 15:42

Actually, I really miss the time me and my OH worked for the same uni and could meet up on Campus for lunch/random coffee dates. We do miss each other while at work all day.

daisychain01 · 25/07/2013 15:42

We wont go down the blind alley of bereavement on this thread , but just to say, it's so not about replacement, that's a crass way of putting it.

And to say blokes go out and shack up after 6 months is the daftest thing I have ever heard and again, doesn't merit further comment other than to highlight its shallowness.

doingthesplitz · 25/07/2013 15:43

CaptainSweatPants, joyles"s?! No, I have a lot of joy, just not with the sort of people who need their "joy" to be arranged for them by Pauline in HR. Quote

Another silly comment. Lots of colleagues enjoy the odd night out together. Yes, there's always one or two tossers who make a point of doing the 'oh, I have a life' 'I'm too cool to socialise with work people' thing. They actually just come across as silly and immature.

squoosh · 25/07/2013 15:51

Daisychain01 oh do wind your neck in dear. I know someone who did indeed 'shack up' as you put it, with someone less than a year after his wife died. I'm not judging him, merely stating it as fact.

Treagues · 25/07/2013 16:02

The only person I know who had to have her partner with her at all times social, was completely desperate to somehow validate their relationship in the eyes of others. She almost never let go of him physically when he was around. Very strange. She was quite a good friend of mine and I knew all sorts of things about their relationship that made me not want him around all that much. Ah our dysfunctional twenties.

Iamnotminterested · 25/07/2013 16:10

MIL and SFIL are conjoined, I mean they litetally move together, he follows her around like a puppy. I don't think either can make a decision about ANYTHING without consulting the other.

lessonsintightropes · 25/07/2013 16:10

I cant bloody wait to get away from dh and the dcs the vast majority of the time!

[sceptical] I understand all relationships are different but if I seriously felt like this I'd think it was a problem.

raisah · 25/07/2013 16:17

I think we would end up killing each other if we were inseparable! I am surprised that we have lasted as long as we have! I love him to bits but we are very different people who need equal amounts of time together and apart to stay married.