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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand couples who can't go anywhere without each other

185 replies

arabesque · 25/07/2013 13:45

It's nice to see couples who are close and share lots of interest. But sometimes it can go a bit far. I have a friend and if you want to meet up with her you have to accept that her DP is going to come too; even if it's just 'the girls' meeting up for a chat.
Every Christmas in work there are arguments and sulks regarding whether or not partners can come to the office party with one girl refusing to attend if her husband can't come as well!

AIBU to just not get why some couples cannot have any kind of separate life, separate friends or separate interests?

OP posts:
ShabbyButNotChic · 25/07/2013 14:00

Corner, obvs, not corber!

Longdistance · 25/07/2013 14:01

My bf has been with her dp for over 10 years now. They do absolutely everything together. If I suggest a night out with her, she'll come, and then he'll meet us later on in the evening. But, he has on occasions come along [confuse]

They're joint at the hip. She wanted to bring him on my hen do Shock

Nancy66 · 25/07/2013 14:02

What do these people do when their partner dies?

^

in the case of the blokes - shack up with someone else inside of 6 months

Alohomora · 25/07/2013 14:04

YANBU. DH and I are very joined at the hip, he's the only person I've been with 24/7 who I didn't want to murder after the first day and yes, I've been known to go home from a work do after 2-3 hours because I fancied a snuggle on the sofa instead.

BUT I love going to Christmas dos without him, am quite happy to sit in a coffee shop for a while to just have some peace and quiet and would never drag him along to a girly chat thing. He, however, has recently let slip that he's cried off work dos because he wanted to spend the evening at home with me. I wasn't happy, we don't have many friends and don't do much socialising as it is so he should make the most of the chances he gets. It's not like he doesn't like the people at work!

Sallystyle · 25/07/2013 14:05

I think there is a big difference between going out with your DH/DP most of the time and not being able to go out without him/her ever.

I socialise mostly with my husband but if I was to go out with my best friend for a coffee and she invited her partner every single time I would Hmm

And sometimes, in the situation like AaDb describes I do wonder if there is something else going on like jealousy/control. It's perfectly healthy to want to spend a lot of time with your partner, it is odd and worrying as fuck to drag him along with you when it was made clear that it was women only.

SJisontheway · 25/07/2013 14:11

YANBU. I have a friend who is apalled at the thought of going out without her dh. He, however enjoys quite a healthy social life. I'm really not sure if its him being controlling or her being too dependant, but either way it doesn't sit right with me.

lainiekazan · 25/07/2013 14:12

YANBU.

There was a thread a while ago and some posters thought it quite ok to swap place cards at functions so they could sit with their partner.

Sil and bil have been married for 25 years and NEVER do anything separately. Even at a small family meal of 10 people they refuse to sit separately. It just looks weird and rude. Still worse if dh ever speaks to bil on phone sil is always on the extension/speakerphone. Actually I think they even visit the loo together...

Almostfifty · 25/07/2013 14:17

I must admit I don't like sitting next to strangers at functions, so I'm happier sitting next to my DH. I always end up with the quiet people next to me and end up sweating trying to make conversation.

However, we both go out without each other sometimes and always have.

PaulSmenis · 25/07/2013 14:19

It is a bit odd.

It's nice to have some alone time when you've been together for years. I don't understand couples who are joined at the hip either.

IShallCallYouSquishy · 25/07/2013 14:25

Christ no. I can't wait for later when I'm heading out for a glass or 2 of wine with a friend and DH is staying well and truly at home! I love him more than I could ever say, but I am an individual and need my own time just like he does too.

snozzlemaid · 25/07/2013 14:26

I know a couple like this. They're always together. If they're both able to do school run they both do it. If my dp has a day off in the week only one of us would pick up dcs. Why do you both need to go?
They do the shopping together.
If they drop their dd to us they both come along and they always both go to drop their dd to parties.
They have joint Facebook and email too.
I couldn't stand living like that, I'd feel suffocated. I need my own life.

ProtegeMoi · 25/07/2013 14:30

Me and my partner are together a lot, and it does drive me mad at times.

Our problem is being a same sex couple we don't really have our own friends but friends of both of us so whenever one of us gets an invite so does the other meaning we rarely socialise separately.

I would not go as far as not having an ice cream though! And I get my gym time to myself at least.

themaltesefalcon · 25/07/2013 14:31

My husband and I are a bit like this. I think if one of us were run over on the motorway, the other would go and sit by their body, like a duck.

Since neither of us is sad enough to go to works dos, we hopefully don't offend anyone too much.

We generally socialise separately when we have time to socialise, though, simply because one of us will be looking after the offspring.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 25/07/2013 14:31

I would rather be with my DP than anyone else in the world. I don't see why I should compromise on the company I keep just for variety / 'space' or whatever.

But I like him way too much to inflict the office party on him. Or an all female get together - he wouldn't want to go along to that. I therefore don't do them very often because I find them pretty dull.

And we've been together a long time.

Thurlow · 25/07/2013 14:33

If you spend all day, every day together, what on earth do you talk about?!

YANBU. It's one thing having mostly the same friends and socialising as a couple, but it is frankly weird if you can't see friends occasionally without your partner coming along.

MrsRogerSterling · 25/07/2013 14:36

YANBU. Dd had a friend at nursery. Every morning both her parents would bring her and again both pick her up in the afternoon. They would both attend childrens birthday parties and playdates etc, utter madness! It was as if they couldn't be apart for even a minute.

zatyaballerina · 25/07/2013 14:37

I don't either, you can't have a proper conversation with a friend when their dp is there, it's very irritating when people show up only as a twosome even when only one is invited (and wanted). And creepy..eugh.. If you can't even meet a friend for coffee without your oh tagging along, there's something wrong.

HappyMummyOfOne · 25/07/2013 14:41

YANBU, we have some at work that wont come to anything without their partners or who will only do something without them if they are at work etc. Gets tiring and people stop asking.

Its not just socialising with some its everything, heard numerous conversations over mobiles when shopping asking permission to buy somethng tiny etc. Some adults really do rely on others for every aspect of their life.

lainiekazan · 25/07/2013 14:42

Oh, and don't get me started on the people who go to the supermarket, on a Saturday, en famille . For the love of god, can't one person make a decision?

Actually, the worst offenders of the Coupledom offence are pensioners. Husband is required to be a chauffeur and handbag holder. Also having an alive dh seemed to confer bragging rights on mil. Never lost an opportunity to remind widows, however recent, that she had a husband.

MaxPepsi · 25/07/2013 14:42

YANBU

I like to do with things with my DH and we are sometimes a bit lovey dovey. We still hold hands, I like to sit next to him at meals because I need him to finish my food when I'm full when it's mainly people I don't know.

However I have to have down time from him too. Whether that is me being with the girls or sending him out to the pub so I can lie on the sofa in peace!

squoosh · 25/07/2013 14:42

Maybe some of these couples feel it proves to the world how much more in love they are than other people, whereas all I think is that they seem much more insecure than other couples.

garlicagain · 25/07/2013 14:42

Am I the only person whose work 'do's have always been festivals of infidelity? Well, I know I'm not because there were loads of other people there - plus XHs cheated while at theirs - and Relationships bears witness to many more.

I'm not a joined-at-the-hip type, no, but do worry slightly for people who are always soooooo cool with their partners larging it without them!

daisychain01 · 25/07/2013 14:43

In answer to your question, squoosh when their partner dies, they think "thank goodness we spent as much time as we could together", not "oh, if only I had gone to more office parties on my own".

If the relationship is strong, some folk just don't see the point in spending social time apart - others prefer time away for girls'/boys' nights out . It's very much down to the relationship [sorry, that's an utterly obvious thing to say, I know ...].

squoosh · 25/07/2013 14:45

Maybe so Daisychain and maybe some do as Nancy66 said and find a replacement as quickly as possible. It must be hard to learn how to be on one's own again.

doingthesplitz · 25/07/2013 14:46

Since neither of us is sad enough to go to works dos,[quote]

Strange comment Hmm