To not understand couples who can't go anywhere without each other

[arabesque]

It's nice to see couples who are close and share lots of interest. But sometimes it can go a bit far. I have a friend and if you want to meet up with her you have to accept that her DP is going to come too; even if it's just 'the girls' meeting up for a chat.
Every Christmas in work there are arguments and sulks regarding whether or not partners can come to the office party with one girl refusing to attend if her husband can't come as well!

AIBU to just not get why some couples cannot have any kind of separate life, separate friends or separate interests?

lainiekazan .... if dh ever speaks to bil on phone sil is always on the extension/speakerphone.

Now that is properly weird!

I had this issue a while back, I love socialising with my DP is he is my best friend, but I need my girl time.
I would go on what I though were 'ladies night' to find one of our mates had dragged the latest along...again.
It pissed me off wasting my few nights out with stilted convo as we all know there are some things you can only really talk about in a group of girls. Usually they were ok, sometimes felt sorry for em' as it must have been awkward.
But in the past they've been hard work and sometimes really ruined it.
However I've all so been on the other side of the coin, because my DP was v. insecure and knew my friend always brought along blokes on 'womens nights' I was pressured to ask first or bring him along which made me feel really suffocated, and it got better eventually, I must have exploded at some point.

I've just remembered:

I used to work with a bloke whose (admittedly new) wife worked just up the road. They'd meet up at lunch and wander around the shops together, then he'd come back to work, pick up the phone and ask her "What did you get for lunch?"

How the fuck could he not know? And why the fuck did he care?

Yanbu. I love dh but being together all the time would drive me nuts.

We do keep in touch during the day though and I think it's nice that after all thesesyears he phones me once or twice a day to say 'what do you know..?'

On another note I can't understand women who's husbands clothes shop with them. Fair play I guess if that's how you are, it's just that dh would rather do just about ANYTHING than that with me and the feeling is mutual

My best mate is like this. She didn't used to be. I suspect it has something to do with the fact that her dh occasionally plays away.

We used to go away together, and go to concerts and stuff. All of a sudden, every time I asked her to go somewhere she had to consult her dh and ask if he was free. I stopped asking her and go away with another close friend instead. She always looks hurt if I mention I've been away with said friend, but she definitely knows why.

I love my dh and we do things together, but we also have different interests. He would rather watch paint dry, than go to an art gallery for instance. I feel the same about going to a football match.

I have a friend like this. Worst part is her 'd'p treats her like shit so I just can not force myself to be nice to him!

I think the joined FB account thing is wierd, I do know some people like this.
It sits uneasily with me I value my privacy too much.

My DSis and BIL might as well be one person they are together always and if they are apart for an hour they will call and text regularly during that hour.
Me and DP do absolutely nothing together not ever except live in the same house, actually I'm not sure if he still lives here or not I'll check upstairs and get back to you.

i don't understand it either Arabesque. My in laws are just like that and my dh used to be but now I tend to do my own thing some of the time. He doesn't want to go out that much so i tend to do things with friends or he may be working.

I do like being in his company though and it is having a balance.

Guity. My DH and I are joined at the hip. We even brush our teeth together and go to bed at the same time. If I was at a summer fair and someone offered me an ice cream or a beer or something I'd have to say 'I'll just go and tell DH I'm having one so he can have one too'.

At a summer fair recently a friend of mine was very that her DH had gone and bought an ice cream for himself and DDs without asking friend if she wanted one. I think that's really sad and thoughtless of him.

When we used to smoke my Dsis would say 'Do you want a fag?'. I'd say, 'I'll wait till DH has one'. It used to drive her mental.

Having said that, we're perfectly capable of socialising separately (I'm out tonight for instance) and I can't recall the last time we went out together on our own. Plus we're perfectly capable of making our own decisions, and have our own hobbies and interests.

I know we're weird but we're totally happy. Together 20 years. I just enjoy his company. Fully aware that it's not the 'norm'. I've only ever met one other couple who was similar. Whatever works for you.

I do a lot with DH. But we are by no means joined at the hip. And if I wanted a night out a lot of the year, I HAVE to go without him as he is overseas (2 or 3 week stints, for at least 20 weeks per year for the last 2 years).

And we both go alone to our work do's generally. But we were both involved in a 3-day conference this year (me on the organising committee through a sideways work involvement, him directly related to work but not an organiser) and I went to 1 event without him (home at 10.30pm), he went to 1 without me (staggered in at 4am!!) and we went together to another (where his colleagues were shocked that although we entered the building together, I had dropped my coat at cloakroom and never saw him when I went in so went straight past him (literally, not on purpose but he was slightly off my line of sight) off to do my own networking and only met him again as we went into the hall for dinner).

I think that proved to them that I wasn't just the "little woman" that I know a few of them thought of me, but someone who "mattered" (as I hob-nobbed with Ministers and senior company directors !).

We also live on a friendly street and have gatherings reasonably often. What was very funny though was DH coming to one recently where a neighbour's mother attended too (father was in hospital) - ALL the neighbours knew the Mum well except DH who had to be introduced as he had missed a good few gatherings over the years, that mostly happened to include the Mum!!

My parents are like this and it drives me crazy. I cannot have a normal mother daughter relationship because my father wants to tag long everywhere. They do the food shopping together, nights out, visiting. They never ever do anything without the other. I am the total opposite and I am able to do things without my partner, I even go to bed at a different time if I feel tired.

I love going to work do's. at my old company partners were invited and the atmosphere was very different.
Dh and I socialise together, we go to parties together. We also have separate friends and we go out with these seperately.
To do otherwise seems very odd to me.

I love spending time with my DP and we have all the same interests etc but their is some stuff you want to do on my own.

I had a graduation from the course I did and partners where invited and tbh everyone wanted to meet DP but I didnt want him to go and im glad. I could let my hair down without worrying if he was bored or included. I wouldnt of had as much fun without him.

I also have friends nights without him. It is strange to be together 24/7.

I have a friend that does this and I have to explicitly say:' Don't bring xxxx he's not invited' - otherwise I know he will just tag along.

If he was great company that would be one thing but he just sits there like a giant lummox not contributing anything and making everyone feel uncomfortable.

Just to clarify Squoosh the reference to shacking up were not my words, they were another other poster's words that are offensive. As well as talking about replacement in the context of losing someone, as if that is ever possible Then you compound it by sayng you knew someone who shacked up after 6 months and say it isnt judgemental?? I dont need to wind my neck in thanks, Maybe you ought to think a bit before you type.

after 23 years together DH is still my bestie, still the one I want to tell first when something goes well, same when I have a bad thing happen, I still get butterflies when I haven't seen him for a while and often think about him when we are both at work and apart.... BUT i like myself enough to like my own company when he is off doing his own thing and he is the same, we trust each other implicitly whatever we go off to do. I go out alone ... so does he, we have had trips away from each other and survive. in fact it gives a lot more interest to the relationship to have different experiences to talk about, we still do the sniggering about doing 'husbandy and wifey' things together like a trip to the supermarkets , B&Q or garden centre and still go out to the pub together when we feel like it. I have no urge to go to everything he does even though in most cases I probably could and he has no desire to listen to me screeching with girly mates about stuff he 'just doesn't get' he's a man so no I really struggle to understand how and why people need to live in each others pockets. it seems it's either a lack of trust or a very closed relationship that is not healthy for one's life experience, and to me, whilst I understand how some people just prefer their DP to others it does seem that something is slightly amiss if you are not happy apart too. after all if we have to ever be alone we need the life skills to cope, which is why I wonder about relationships where only one half can drive / sort finances / do household paperwork / cook etc etc, not healthy to be so dependant on anyone else once you get past childhood.

Oh dear Daisychain It's really quite simple. I used 'shack up' because that was the phrase you used, whether you were quoting someone or not.

And no I didn't judge the person who found another spouse a year after his wife died, I'm merely saying it does happen.

Let me know if you need further clarification.

daisy - they were my words. It's just slang that's all.

I have stayed in touch in every place I have ever worked (since I was 15). I think it's very strange not to find someone to get along with on a Christmas/works do.

I have worked with someone that had a DH in the same building. They came to work together, had lunch every day and called each other at numerous points. In contrast; my OH lived in another city and we only saw each other at the weekend. I was in my early 20s and socialised quite a bit with work colleagues. I had the time of my life.

There are times when it inappropriate to take another half.

Ice Cream rule is that you only have to ask your inner circle IF THEY ARE THERE.

My Dsis and her DH are like this. Joint email and FB (I am wondering if she is the friend of the PP that mentioned it above!) and dont do anything apart if they can help it.

It would drive me mad but they are happy, each to their own I suppose.

There was a husband-and-wife team at the place where I worked. They worked on the same desk, though doing different jobs, went to all the parties and drinkies together, and were very touchy-feely out of the office. I thought this was quite impressive at the age of 50ish and, after knowing them a few years, said so. That's when I found out they were married, but not to each other!

DH works away a lot in the week, so we make the most of every second of our time together at the weekends. I enjoy his company, he's my best friend. One of the nicest things about being married is doing all the domestic stuff together like going to supermarket. We both have separate interests and hobbies - I'll happily disappear for a day's quilting workshop and am seriously considering joining the WI, but make no apology for enjoying his company, holding his hand and valuing the time we spend together. Coming up to 16 years married this year. Both of us would rather chew off our arms than sit through a ghastly office party - fortunately I'm self employed so I get to go out for lunch with him at Christmas, (as we are both company directors) and can sit there looking gooey at each other, without bothering anyone else.

I also know someone who shacked up with a bloke who had been a widow like 6 months, I think there is an element of replacement, women don't tend to move on as fast.

Hideous couple at dd's school ... Now dd is yr 6 next year & class mates parents have done the school runs together since reception... I haven't a clue what he does for a living to allow him to be there morning & afternoon!!! But I'd say maybe a handful of times either person has been alone!! I just don't understand why??!! They live walking distance so it's not as if its for transport purposes! They both go to baby & toddler group with their youngest dc too.... He is the only man there!! We joke that they must have his & hers side by side toilets at home!!!