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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in thinking that its greedy to ask for vouchers?

183 replies

ipswitch · 15/04/2013 08:26

just received an evening wedding invite, small do in a village hall, disco and buffet, grown up B and G, lived together 20 yrs and teenage children. Quite well off, 2 x holidays per year, 2 cars, both in good jobs , nice home. Invite says no presents please but if you want to give something John Lewis vouchers will be very useful.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking this is just rude and greedy?
It has really irritated me. And yes, they do have much more money than me.

Normally I would make or give something very personal and small that I think they would like and would fit in with their home. I hate buying presents off lists and I hate giving vouchers too.

OP posts:
BoredBeingSamWestsMistress · 15/04/2013 08:28

Their wedding, people want to give them a gift, and in order to get what they want they've asked for vouchers! YABU

Sparklingbrook · 15/04/2013 08:30

I think it's greedy to ask for anything. I think wedding lists are archaic and were meant for years ago when people were setting up home and needed tea towels/plates etc.

TBF though they have given the option and I would choose a) no present. Grin

threesypeesy · 15/04/2013 08:32

Yabu they stated if a gift wanted to be given. You dont need to if you dont want to though thats miserable

I prefer people to ask for something they would prefer as it saves you wasting money on a useless gift

DenimODonoghue · 15/04/2013 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 15/04/2013 08:33

YABU. Just because its their wedding doesn't mean they have to be inundated with shit they don't want. And they way you've worded makes it sound like they don't really expect anything at all but if people are going to insist on getting something then vouchers would be nice.

Sparklingbrook · 15/04/2013 08:34

They have lived together for 20 years. Grin DH and I lived together for 5 years and asked for nothing. We didn't need anything.

DenimODonoghue · 15/04/2013 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WestieMamma · 15/04/2013 08:42

We said vouchers because people kept asking us for the gift list and we didn't have one. We eventually used them to buy curtains for the house we moved to a few months later.

OTheHugeManatee · 15/04/2013 08:42

When we got married we had not just one household's worth of stuff but two. Loads of people still wouldn't accept that no, we really didn't need a present. So we did a short gift list, including the option to give us vouchers towards a sofa we really wanted. Some people didn't get us gifts. We didn't care who did or didn't and wrote to everyone tha king them for coming. I think you're being at best oversensitive here.

dexter73 · 15/04/2013 08:44

What is rude and greedy about asking for no presents?

FactOfTheMatter · 15/04/2013 08:47

Don't get them a gift then! But what's wrong with wanting new things? It's not as if you buy all your home stuff once and then never buy anything again, is it?
They're not asking for gifts, but they are not being unreasonable in assuming that some people would wish to give them something. Most people do like giving their friends gifts, after all.

overmydeadbody · 15/04/2013 08:47

They didn't ask for vouchers though, they stated that if people really want to give them something then that would be best.

You can still make them something if you want, or get them nothing like they asked.

Sparklingbrook · 15/04/2013 08:48

If you want new things after 20 years, buy them yourself. Grin

Toasttoppers · 15/04/2013 08:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/04/2013 08:50

YABU - they've asked for no presents but given an option for people who absolutely insist on giving one or would feel uncomfortable not doing so. 'No gifts' invites just don't work, in my experience. It's tradition to take a gift to a wedding, and nobody wants to risk taking a 'no gifts' invite at its word and then end up being the only one who does so.

When we got married, we said no presents of any kind as we've been together forever, have owned a house together for almost a decade and have all the crockery, cutlery kitchenware, towels and ornamental vases (traditional wedding gifts) we could possibly need. At least 90% of the invited guests still called or emailed to ask what they should give us: and we reiterated that it wasn't necessary but that if they really wanted to, vouchers would be great. It wasn't a "we only want vouchers and nothing else is good enough" thing, more a "we have everything and really don't want our guests to spend ages trying to think of something we'd want" thing. If somebody had wanted to give us something a personal token, that would have been lovely, too. I very much doubt your friends would be displeased with a personal token - give them what you would have done otherwise.

Trills · 15/04/2013 08:50

YABVU

What could possibly be less greedy than "no presents please"?

Trills · 15/04/2013 08:52

If you want to give something John Lewis vouchers would be very useful - no mention that you must not give anything else.

You would be being very petty if you did not give them the gift that you were intending to give because of the entirely inoffensive wording of their invitation.

It's not as if they said "we don't want piles of junk because our guests all have bad taste, so bring John Lewis vouchers"

TomArchersSausage · 15/04/2013 08:52

They didn't ask; they said if.

Dont give them anything then.

Blimey getting married is a minefield these days.

IYoniWantToBeWithYou · 15/04/2013 08:53

There are people (like me) who would never show up empty handed at a wedding do. I would be pleased they suggested it because I would have bought something they probably didn't want or need. They have asked for nothing and just made a suggestion for people who want to buy something so I can't see why this has bugged you so much unless you are jealous of their holidays, cars and money

Sparklingbrook · 15/04/2013 08:55

The fact is by the time a new outfit has been purchased, and the staying overnight bill plus petrol, there is little left for buying a present too......

isitsnowingyet · 15/04/2013 08:55

Errr - they have said 'no presents please' - not exactly greedy is it?

Cravingdairy · 15/04/2013 08:56

I WANT to give a present when my friends get married and I WANT to give something that is wanted. I really don't understand why so many MNers have such incredibly stringent expectations of people. Give whatever you like, give nothing, I very much doubt the couple care either way.

AngryGnome · 15/04/2013 08:57

Why does saying "no presents please" irritate you so much?

Cravingdairy · 15/04/2013 08:58

Sparkling Don't buy one then. Or don't buy a new outfit.

Sparklingbrook · 15/04/2013 08:59

I would have to buy a new outfit Craving I haven't got wedding outfits in my wardrobe. Grin

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