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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have found this rude?

189 replies

gladders · 31/08/2012 15:33

So -got home from work at hald 7 yesterday and started to get dinner ready for us and the PIL. MIL came into the kitchen to tell me that they didn't need any food as they had just had a sandwich.

I had bought stuff that had to be prepared then - ie it was not freezable. Them not eating their portions means it will go to waste.

I got quite cross with her and eventually she did apologise 'for the misunderstanding' which I find irritating. There was no minsunderstanding, they are staying at my house and chose to not follow the convention of eating what your host prepares when they prepare it.

The resolution they suggested is that we now need to discuss who's eating what and when every morning. Not ideal as I food shop on the internet so plan menus in advance, but apparently this is the solution.

OP posts:
Feminine · 31/08/2012 15:35

Annoying ...but maybe she thought she was doing you a favour?

Were you able to salvage any of it?

AnyoneforTurps · 31/08/2012 15:35

Your MIL fed your DC so you wouldn't have to cook after a long day at work? Wow, what a bitch.

LadyMargolotta · 31/08/2012 15:36

When you came home from work, did you not speak to them before you started cooking?

If you have guests it seems obvious to me to agree meal times at the start of the day.

Or do you have no flexibility in your meal planning?

LadySybildeChocolate · 31/08/2012 15:37

A sandwich isn't real food IMO.

BlackberryIce · 31/08/2012 15:37

What did you cook?

TheHeirOfSlytherin · 31/08/2012 15:37

You should have asked who wanted dinner before preparing the food.

shockers · 31/08/2012 15:38

I'd be very hungry by half 7 and you were only just about to prepare the meal then.

But, I'd probably have had a snack and not mentioned it.

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 31/08/2012 15:38

My MIL does this. I just let her get on with it now, she can make herself and FIL a sandwich at the ridiculous time of 4.30, on the understanding that I make a proper meal for us when I get home.

FutTheShuckUp · 31/08/2012 15:38

Half seven is too late to eat a big meal IMO

Shutupanddrive · 31/08/2012 15:39

Where does it say MIL fed DC turps? Confused
What was the meal? Couldn't it keep for a few days in fridge?

AnyoneforTurps · 31/08/2012 15:39

And of course you had explained your plans to the PIL so they knew what to do when the kids were clamouring for food at 6.30 pm?

shockers · 31/08/2012 15:42

Getting 'quite cross' with guests so they have to apologise for eating when they're hungry though...Shock.

slartybartfast · 31/08/2012 15:43

well perhaps they were hungrey and wanted to eat. and a sandwich seemed the easiest option.
why are they with you?

i have same problem with my dc. with food that cannot be frozen. grr, it goes to waste.

i know, serve it up to them tomorrow, for breakfast? or in the evening? Wink

Salamanger · 31/08/2012 15:43

YABU.

Original poster
gladders · 31/08/2012 15:47

erm. nowhere have I said she is a bitch. They have very kindly come down to lok after the children for 2 days while I work. She asked in the morning what to give the kids for tea (kids eat at half 5) and we agreed a sandwich would be fine (did not want her to have to cook for them).

we always eat at about half 8. they always eat at that time with us. there was no indication from them in the morning that yesterday was any different.

I did not make their portions up but as it is not food I can freeze, it will now go to waste as it will be out of date by the time they leave.

I was surprised they had already eaten (cold chicken from their coolbag that had been sitting in the hallway for over 24 hours..... nice) and then shocked by the fact that they didn't consider it rude

OP posts:
trafficwarden · 31/08/2012 15:48

Anyonefor Turps - you have made 2 posts mentioning children but none are mentioned in the OP. Not everyone on Mumsnet has children.

MorrisTraveller · 31/08/2012 15:51

Oh fer goodness sakes - the OP doesn't even say she has any children, let alone that the MIL did her any favours re their evening meal. If she does, perhaps her DP sorted them out, don't go jumping to conclusions eh?

YANBU from my point of view OP, I would assume any house guests would eat their evening meal with us, and if they weren't going to it's polite to let you know in advance, not when you start cooking! Grrrr.
And no, you shouldn't have to discuss every bite of food all day - you carry on assuming they'll join you for supper, it's really their responsilbitly to tell you when they have other plans.

Perhaps you should tell them in the morning what time supper will be, so they have an afternoon snack to tide them over rather than a sandwich that spoils your meal!

Arabellasmella · 31/08/2012 15:52

don't take offence Gladders, they were probably just hungry. 8pm is very late for dinner. Don't fall out with them they are helping you out with the kids, go with the flow

MorrisTraveller · 31/08/2012 15:52

Crap - xpost OP!

AmIthatbad · 31/08/2012 15:53

I think it was a bit thoughtless, but not rude, IMO.

baabaapinksheep · 31/08/2012 15:53

What was the food? Why could you not make it into something else?

maddening · 31/08/2012 15:54

what was it that you were cooking that was unfreezable? Could they not have had it for lunch he next day?

DublinMammy · 31/08/2012 15:55

Irritating perhaps but not really rude.... What were you making that couldn't be kept until today/ frozen?

Ragwort · 31/08/2012 15:56

Just sounds like a misunderstanding and if your ILs are kind enough to look after your children then it is nice of them to want to eat a sandwich with them as well.

Really intrigued as to what you bought that can't be used another day or frozen - surely everything keeps except for fresh oysters? Grin.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 31/08/2012 15:58

A bit of wasted food versus 2 days free childcare...

YABU