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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have found this rude?

189 replies

gladders · 31/08/2012 15:33

So -got home from work at hald 7 yesterday and started to get dinner ready for us and the PIL. MIL came into the kitchen to tell me that they didn't need any food as they had just had a sandwich.

I had bought stuff that had to be prepared then - ie it was not freezable. Them not eating their portions means it will go to waste.

I got quite cross with her and eventually she did apologise 'for the misunderstanding' which I find irritating. There was no minsunderstanding, they are staying at my house and chose to not follow the convention of eating what your host prepares when they prepare it.

The resolution they suggested is that we now need to discuss who's eating what and when every morning. Not ideal as I food shop on the internet so plan menus in advance, but apparently this is the solution.

OP posts:
Original poster
gladders · 31/08/2012 15:59

the food was fresh rice noodles, fresh chinese vegetables, prawns, coriander and homemade veggie stock. doesn't sound much written like that but it was quite expensive to buy and it's a scrummy Nigella recipe. You can't really make it in advance (ie they would have had to cook it for their lunch today and they don't really like cooking). I dunno - guess we could have a modified version for tea on Saturday with the stuff that's still edible.

OK - so IABU? I have just always eaten whatever a host wants to serve me whenever they want to eat it.

OP posts:
theoriginalandbestrookie · 31/08/2012 16:00

Some people don't like to eat late, maybe they are like that. Or maybe they took a look at what you were cooking didn't fancy it and thought it would be politer to eat earlier.
Can't you bring it in for lunch at the office the next day.

puds11 · 31/08/2012 16:00

YABU, they are putting themselves out for you, and i would never expect someone to wait that late for tea!

theoriginalandbestrookie · 31/08/2012 16:01

Lines are blurred though, you aren't exactly a host if they are looking after your children.I don't think they are being unreasonable, probably thought it would be nicer for you not to have to cook for guests after a long day at work.

Does sound like a nice recipe and I have just realised that tomorrow is Saturday so you won't be working.
Any reason why you can't serve it tonight ?

Backtobedlam · 31/08/2012 16:02

I really don't like having to eat at a set time every night, I usually prefer to go with the flow and just eat when I'm hungry. In future I'd just ask them before you start making dinner who's eating. You were obv.unlucky last night, but 9 out of 10 times you could probably freeze left overs anyway.

DublinMammy · 31/08/2012 16:02

Well, I would always eat what I am given as a guest so in that sense no, YANBU. Perhaps they didn't realise it had to be made there and then/ wouldn't keep.

maddening · 31/08/2012 16:02

if you don't add the noodles to the sauce and prawns you could freeze the portions you don't need I would have thought?

wannabedomesticgoddess · 31/08/2012 16:03

Tbh I hate staying at peoples houses and being starving and feeling like I cant eat.

I do see why you are annoyed. But try not to be

NovackNGood · 31/08/2012 16:03

What tie do people eat supper if they think 7.30 is too late. I'd only start to cook once the archers is one at that time .

if you were cooking something then surely you could freeze a portion after the cooking process to have for todays lunch unless it was rice.

Nancy66 · 31/08/2012 16:03

No, not a big deal.

Some people just don't like to eat late. I don't like to eat my dinner before 9pm but my mum has to eat by 6

DublinMammy · 31/08/2012 16:03

But they know what time the OP and her husband eat and it normally works so surely if it was suddenly going to be a problem they should have mentioned much earlier or in the morning that they wanted to eat earlier?

Kittenkatzen · 31/08/2012 16:04

OP I think YANBU at all - if you are a guest in someone else's home then you eat at their mealtimes or you tell them that you plan to do otherwise. So unless your PIL had reason to think you weren't going to prepare a meal, they were BU and should have just had a small snack if they were that hungry. It was especially rude to not mention it until after you had started cooking imo. I'd have been pissed off too.

And all the posters who think 8pm is too late to eat an evening meal are quite clearly bonkers! :)

Original poster
gladders · 31/08/2012 16:06

I'd forgotten how words get twisted on here.

I remain surprised at their behaviour. We always eat at half 8 and they join us. It was not a shock to anyone that we did that last night.

Re: childcare - I have paid for childcare all summer but cancelled this week's 2 days when dh suggested that his parents might like to come down. I do not believe that being with their grandchildren for 2 days entitles them to be thoughtless/rude/whatever. I honestly do not think I would have done that in their position.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 31/08/2012 16:07

Id have cooked it all and frozen the leftovers or fed it to them for breakfast!

I can see why they ate if they were too hungry to wait and I know from my parents that some older folk like to eat earlier. They probably thought they were doing you a favour and not 'putting you to any trouble'

But if someone was helping me by looking after my children so I could work I think Id have given them free rein on the fridge tbh.

Original poster
gladders · 31/08/2012 16:09

It was noodle soup though - not really freezable or transportable.

We can't eat it tonight as they are still here and there is not enough for 4 people now. Plus i don't really want to eat the same meal 2 nights in a row.

OP posts:
onebigwish · 31/08/2012 16:09

I don't think YABU to think it's a bit 'off'.

Just a thought, but do they like seafood? I'm afraid I don't 'do' seafood, esp prawns so if I was in this situation I'm not sure if I'd try to head you off at the pass before it was served to me.

AmberLeaf · 31/08/2012 16:09

Can they not have it for lunch today?

BlackberryIce · 31/08/2012 16:10

This is a non issue. You can freeze/store that.

maillotjaune · 31/08/2012 16:10

Too late to eat, really?

If you have a job, commute, then kids to bathe / put to bed then eating later is normal surely?

My DCs do eat at 5.30 at their GPs though.

Original poster
gladders · 31/08/2012 16:12

they claim they had no idea what was on the menu. they like prawns. maybe they just wanted to use up the rest of the chicken they had bought.

I dunno - just thought I would canvas opinion on here. I genuinely would not do this in anyone's house even if I was looking after their children.

But anyway- am remaining as calm as I can. Retail therapy for an hour after work and then I'm taking some M&S food for tea. That way I can easily freeze it iof they don't want any.

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 31/08/2012 16:13

YABU for being quite cross with her, she was likely hungry earlier and would you really prefer your family to go hungry just to fit in with your meal plan?

I wonder why she suggested the resolution of discussing meals in the morning if this is only a two day visit.

Bluefrogs · 31/08/2012 16:14

Why couldn't they have it for lunch?
Any extra food we cook is served up again the next day either for a work packed lunch,chinese noodle soup sounds great tbh!
My parents also have what I consider odd eating habits,my mum eats like a sparrow and a sandwich at 3.30 will be enough for her all day-but for me after a commute dinner at 8.30-9pm is quite normal and we are usually starving by then.

LadyMargolotta · 31/08/2012 16:15

So has the routine changed yesterday - yesterday was the first day that they were in sole charge of the children? If so, then I do think it is most likely a genuine misunderstanding on both sides or they don't like prawns.

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 31/08/2012 16:16

I wouldn't be cross with them if they'd come to mind my nipper.

They could have theirs the next day.

Half seven is late for some people to eat and they might have been really hungry.

I would just let this one go.

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 31/08/2012 16:17

Are you sure they didn't just not want to cause you any bother?