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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have found this rude?

189 replies

gladders · 31/08/2012 15:33

So -got home from work at hald 7 yesterday and started to get dinner ready for us and the PIL. MIL came into the kitchen to tell me that they didn't need any food as they had just had a sandwich.

I had bought stuff that had to be prepared then - ie it was not freezable. Them not eating their portions means it will go to waste.

I got quite cross with her and eventually she did apologise 'for the misunderstanding' which I find irritating. There was no minsunderstanding, they are staying at my house and chose to not follow the convention of eating what your host prepares when they prepare it.

The resolution they suggested is that we now need to discuss who's eating what and when every morning. Not ideal as I food shop on the internet so plan menus in advance, but apparently this is the solution.

OP posts:

quietlysuggests · 02/09/2012 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NCForNow · 02/09/2012 16:05

HellOnHeels well people who don't work or who finish sooner, tend to eat with the DC at 5 or 6...and older people go t bed earlier...so they eat earlier.

Kabooooom · 02/09/2012 16:29

Half 8 is rather late IMO. We always eat at 5.30 and both DC are in bed by 8. I don't like it when I am visiting certain members of family as 9 times out of 10, they cook for about 9.30pm and by this time, my DC are tired, cranky, and never eat more than a few mouthfuls before passing out in their dinner. I also can't eat much that late and waiting till then makes me feel so sick, I dry heave. So yes, I have been known to feed myself and them at the same time we usually eat at home when staying there.

I do always inform them I shall be doing so though before hand.

I do think YABU. I understand your frustration, but no need to be so cross.

NovackNGood · 02/09/2012 17:06

You eat supper an hour after tea time!!

Minty82 · 02/09/2012 22:12

What do you do with the rest of your evening if you eat so early?!

valiumredhead · 02/09/2012 22:28

Can you seriously not think of anything to do in the evenings apart from eat?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 03/09/2012 03:20

Presumably we do the same thing after dinner as others do before... There's the same amount of time, regardless of when dinner is.

gimmecakeandcandy · 03/09/2012 06:13

Your reaction seems a bit extreme and uptight? They were probably just hungry. If you are giving these kind of vibes they may feel uncomfortable and feel they can't just eat when they want to! I think you need to chill out a little.

gimmecakeandcandy · 03/09/2012 06:24

Having read more yabu to get 'cross' ans I agree with others that your stance on this is odd. Your poor IL must feel like they are walking on eggshells around you. What is so hard about saying 'I'm cooking now, do you want anything' and if they do, fine, if not, fine again. Why did she have to apologise to you for eating? Can you not see how that sounds? Yabvu to be cross and taken aback at such a trivial thing. They may have always eaten with you at 8.30 but they have probably been too bloody scared to say so if you are so 'forceful' about it! You really need to see that you were not right about this and relax a little.

sleepneeded · 03/09/2012 06:34

Did anyone find out what the actual food was that could not be kept in the fridge?

Was it oysters?

I'm really keen to know?

nooka · 03/09/2012 06:43

If I stay with my parents and made myself a sandwich and then told my mother I didn't want to eat the evening meal she would be incredibly upset and angry, (which is why I would never consider doing) so I totally see where you are coming from OP.

The evening meal in my family is a special occasion when there are visitors, time to talk about the day and enjoy each others company. I would be hurt if I had guests who opted out whatever the reason, and angry if I'd planned something nice.

Send a note to say thank you for looking after the children, but really I don't think you need to grovel unless you really kicked up a stink that in retrospect you feel bad about. To you their behavior was very rude. To them it might have seemed a very sensible and even thoughtful thing to do. Who knows. If your dh takes the children to visit them next time he could probably talk to them about the incident and you might get more insight.

valiumredhead · 03/09/2012 09:23

sleep it was prawn and noodle soup which in this house would've gone in the fridge.

Minty82 · 03/09/2012 09:44

valium, I was slightly exaggerating, but I'm just so used to the preparation and eating of dinner being the focal point of the evening, with maybe just time to catch the headlines afterwards and then bed!

Particularly if you have people staying, totally agree with nooka that opting out of the evening meal would seem very odd (and, yes, rude) if you're still in the house. But to be honest I can't imagine anyone I know having a sandwich and then being too full for dinner! Having it to tide themselves over, fine, but instead seems very weird...

brass · 03/09/2012 10:18

I think you're being OTT. This is one of those battles that aren't worth fighting.

You could have had it the next day even if just enough for 2 people, the others could have had something else. It's not that big a deal.

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