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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my son home from school trips

321 replies

victoria48 · 26/04/2012 21:18

My son is in reception and so far they have had 2 school trips with a 3rd coming up soon. Each one has been a 100 mile round trip on a coach on the motorway. I have asked each time if I can go along as a helper and have been turned down each time. I gave my son a choice of going on the trips and he said he didn't want to go. I know I could have easily pursuaded him but chose not to as I didn't think the trips were a good idea myself. The third one is coming up and I'm being pressured by his teacher to send him. Am I being unreasonable to keep him home?

OP posts:
DoesItComeInBlack · 26/04/2012 21:20

Yes.

VelmaDaphne · 26/04/2012 21:21

It seems a long way for a reception child, so YANBU. But next year I think you'll have to let him go on trips.

yousankmybattleship · 26/04/2012 21:21

Why are you keeping him home? Why do you not think the trips are a good idea?

whatsallthefuss · 26/04/2012 21:21

it is important for his development that you let him go. however this seems a lot of trips for reception year. Maybe becuase he hasnt been to the other two he should go to this one.

BUT you are his mum. the only persons opimion that counts is yours!

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 26/04/2012 21:21

Eh? What are your reasons for keeping him from going on school trips? Confused

duckdodgers · 26/04/2012 21:21

Not sure what your problem with the trip is so cant say if YABU or notConfused

DialMforMummy · 26/04/2012 21:21

It depends. Why do you think they are not a good idea? You think they would be a better idea if you can come along? School trips are great fun for the children. Are you worried about his safety?

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 26/04/2012 21:21

I don't know sits firmly on fence are they educational trips or "pleasure jaunts" and what do the pupils get out of them? Would he enjoy it once he was there, or be upset all day and get nothing out of it?
Why won't they let you go along to help, I'd think they'd be glad of an extra pair of hands/eyes to help out. Years ago when I was small and not an old gimmer at least one mum for every three or four children came on every trip with us - I know nowadays a lot more mums work than in the 70s, but you'd think teachers would be pleased to have you along.

halcyondays · 26/04/2012 21:22

Why didn't he want to go?

RunOrRioja · 26/04/2012 21:22

Why don't you want him to go on the school trips?

Sparklingbrook · 26/04/2012 21:22

Yes. School trips are part of school life. All his friends will be going and talking about it afterwards,and he will be the odd one out. Sad

piprabbit · 26/04/2012 21:22

The school does seem ambitious going on trips so far from school in Reception.
I do think that trips are important, they build the child's confidence and feeling of being part of a community and they can also provide material for classwork (before and after the trip) which might leave your DS felling a little left out in lessons (although I'm sure the teachers will do their best to include him).

What risks are you concerned about, and how would your being a helper mitigate those risks?

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 21:22

Yes of course you are

What's the reason behind this?

Original poster
victoria48 · 26/04/2012 21:26

Trips are panto's, theatre shows and a trip to the airport. My main worry is the distance on a bus on the motorway, worrying about an accident but lots of other little things like he gets travel sick after just a few miles, is not particularly interested in people dressed up in big cartoon outfits etc.

I have always asked his opinion if he wants to go and he has said no. I don't know why really, I think because he would prefer to have a day off school.

OP posts:
DialMforMummy · 26/04/2012 21:28

Trip to the airport? The others sound like great fun to me.
YABU and a bit precious. It's a shame he is missing out.

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 21:28

50 miles isn't too far really and they're used to dealing with travel sick kids.

If you offer him the day off then of course he's going to take it...especially if he senses your angst.

He really is missing out and it's a shame.

LindyHemming · 26/04/2012 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littlefish · 26/04/2012 21:28

You're being silly.

DPrince · 26/04/2012 21:28

So you would let him go if you can? Imo if you don't think he should go it should based on more than your attendance.

piprabbit · 26/04/2012 21:28

I don't think that your being on the bus would make any difference to the outcome of a coach accident.

I think he is missing out and I don't think you should be giving a 4yo or 5yo the choice of which school activities they attend.

cornishsue · 26/04/2012 21:29

Hi Victoria,

Obviously I don't know your son but it seems such a shame that he is missing out. Very often school trips are far more than the educational or cultural activity, but about compounding friendships and independence. Often the trip is talked about for a long time afterwards, and sometimes even work in the classroom can be based on it. And these are things that would make him the odd one out/different.

One of my sons is autistic and communication and making friends was something quite alien to him. He never wanted to go on trips either and for the first one or two I did not insist. After that he did go (he still didn't want to) but he ended up always having a good time, within his own limitations of course. I really noticed that he became more part of the group after those trips. I also resisted the tempation to become a helper, as he would then not haved mixed with the other children in the way he needed to.

I have to say it sounds strange the school have turned down your offer to be a helper. In my experience they are usually crying out for helpers. Is it perhaps possible his teachers feel your son may benefit from the trips without you there.

Good luck whatever you decide.

yousankmybattleship · 26/04/2012 21:30

Why did you ask him? He is not the one best placed to make this decision. It is part of the school day so he should not be encouraged to see it as optional. I'm sure if you asked him if he'd rather leave school at lunchtime every day he'd probably say yes please but that wouldn't be a good idea either. It is not fair on your son that he is missing out on these activities because you have some hang up about him travelling on a motorway.

piprabbit · 26/04/2012 21:30

BTW our school ask for parent helpers but are inundated with offers - so there are always many disappointed parents. Perhaps your DSs school is lucky to have lots of helpful parents.

LoopyLoopsTootTootToots · 26/04/2012 21:30

yep, yabu.

Sirzy · 26/04/2012 21:30

Why not go and talk to the teachers about your concerns rather than allowing him to miss out?

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