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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To keep my son home from school trips

321 replies

victoria48 · 26/04/2012 21:18

My son is in reception and so far they have had 2 school trips with a 3rd coming up soon. Each one has been a 100 mile round trip on a coach on the motorway. I have asked each time if I can go along as a helper and have been turned down each time. I gave my son a choice of going on the trips and he said he didn't want to go. I know I could have easily pursuaded him but chose not to as I didn't think the trips were a good idea myself. The third one is coming up and I'm being pressured by his teacher to send him. Am I being unreasonable to keep him home?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 23:09

They'll be learning about travel/transport I expect.

One of the trips I went on with Reception, was actually a trip to nowhere

We took the kids on a bus to a train station and then took a train 3 stops down the line...then back again.

More and more kids are driven around in cars these days, so believe it or not quite a few have never been on a bus or a train.

I'm sure they would have loved a trip to the airport to see the planes taking off and landing.

My DS's love school, but if I offered them the choice to stay home they'd probably take it and regret it when their friends tell them what fun they had

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 26/04/2012 23:11

Gnome,I found that Joy Rides have been absolutely brilliant.My DD has displayed some spectacular vomitting abilities when too young for them,but as soon as she could take them,we haven't looked back!

I have to say,I did seriously consider whether a longer trip was worth it for her,before she could take travel sickness tablets,because it was just rotten for her (and us,as we knew that a full set of spares would definately be needed,poor child!)

musicposy · 26/04/2012 23:11

I'm sure in Year 1 you won't be allowed to keep him at home if he doesn't go on the trips - surely that would be an unauthorised absence? They can do it in reception because most are not compulsory school age. But given that they can't legally do it next year, I think it's a bad habit to get into.

I was often a bit about trips when school would not allow family holidays or trips but seemed to go on endless jaunts that I had to pay for, especially when the money would have covered the whole family to go somewhere.

But I always let them go. I think you have to get over your worries and dislikes and realise they are your issues. It's not fair to make them into your child's.

EricNorthmine · 26/04/2012 23:14

My 6 yr old has Joyrides and the dose does not knock him out, he also takes a spare t- shirt and trousers just in case.

GnomeDePlume · 26/04/2012 23:15

Faye, I'm not dismissing it but suggesting that if it is a genuine concern then addressing it rather than never going anywhere is the way forward IMO.

the wrist bands work for some
different tablets affect different children in different ways (some that we bought in France made DD1 as grumpy as sin)
find the tablet and dosage that works for that child

We have a lot of experience of dealing with it but wanted to be able to travel so found ways that worked for us.

Emmielu · 26/04/2012 23:15

By my comment I forgot to add that could you not come to an agreement where you take him to & from trips? Not all obviously but some.

EricNorthmine · 26/04/2012 23:15

And he always sits at the front on newspaper

ExitPursuedByABear · 26/04/2012 23:16

I have the opposite problem. DD (12) hates fun fairs and the school Y7/8 trip is to Blackpool Pleasure Beach. She doesn't want to go. I think she should and just miss out the rides she doesn't fancy as otherwise she will be left out of weeks of anticipation.

Oh, and YABU OP. Your child will survive a school trip (and no one worries more than me).

VelmaDaphne · 26/04/2012 23:19

Why are people talking as if OP is banning her teenager from joining in his friends activities? This child is 4! This isn't setting a dangerous prededent, condeming a poor child to a lifetime of being wrapped in cotton wool and prevented from experiencing life! This is a 4 year old who isn't quite ready for long trips to unfamiliar places without his Mum. Surely she knows him best. Next year when he's older he can go on the trips.

Kids in the UK start school younger than in many other countries, so it's not unreasonable to feel that individual children aren't necessarily ready for everything that school involves. One size doesn't fit all at this young age.

And as for 4 year olds remembering trips and talking about them? Girls maybe, but not boys. They live in the moment.

bruffin · 26/04/2012 23:21

Sturgeon is very good they can be taken from 5 years old.
I suffered from terrible travel sickness when I was a child and remember one year they didn't want to take me on a trip because of it. My mum persuaded them to let me go and I was fine. I was really upset at the thought of being left behind.

Avomine is a long lasting travel sickness tablet which can be taken the night before so you sleep off the worst of the side effects. It is also suitable from 5 years old.

crunchbag · 26/04/2012 23:21

My DC went on their first school trip with pre-school and they still remember it, even 7 years later.
I have been a parent helper on a few trips and no child got lost, however we did lose a coach.

5madthings · 26/04/2012 23:23

nice generalisation about he sexes there velma and as the mother of 4 boys i will say that they ALL talk about school trips both before and after, when they get a letter about a trip my ds3 runs out of class to give it to me and makes me write i up on the calender so he knows when it is and talks about it for ages before the actual day of the trip!

the op has said herself she could easily persuade him so its nto like he is dead set against going, horribly nervous etc, he just doesnt feel like it, well kids dont feel like lots of things but part of being a parent is to encourage them to try things out! if he was very upset and really not wanting to go then i would say to think about it some more, but that isnt the case.

they do trips in pre-school and two of my boys have gone on trips aged 3 yrs and loved them! been very excited beforehand and then afterwards desperate to tell me about their day.

bruffin · 26/04/2012 23:24

"This is a 4 year old who isn't quite ready for long trips to unfamiliar places without his Mum"

Not necessarily, it is just as likely his mum is not ready for him to go on trips without her. and who said he was 4 he could be 5 and half by now in reception.

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 23:25

And as for 4 year olds remembering trips and talking about them? Girls maybe, but not boys. They live in the moment

Perhaps you'd like to tell that to my 3 boys then?

The eldest is 20 and can still remember his school trips...and sometimes he'll tell you what I gave him as a treat in his lunch box!

GnomeDePlume · 26/04/2012 23:26

EricNorthmine - I know, I know!

DD1 managed to clear a deck for herself on a sea cat. She permanently recoloured the inside of a car (several valets later and the evidence was still visible). For many years we didnt drive anywhere without a complete set of spare clothes.

5madthings · 26/04/2012 23:28

exactly worra my boys can all remember their school trips, ds4 is just 4 and is still talking about our own trip to whitby last year, he can remember it in more detail than i can! he was 3 at the time!

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 23:28

5madthings You'd never want to owe them money would you?

GnomeDePlume · 26/04/2012 23:29

I think the trip to the airport sounds great. We took our lot to Sciphol (we lived nearby). They loved it especially DS.

5madthings · 26/04/2012 23:34

def not worra

funny how they remember some things but ds2 seems unable to remember that he is NOT allowed to play football in the house...

we have also had a trip to an airport with our boys, not because we were flying anywhere, just becasue i was a fun thing to do, they loved the viewing lounge and watching the planes taxi in and out etc :)

VelmaDaphne · 26/04/2012 23:35

Well I deferred my DS1's start at school by a term because he's an August birthday. Everyone said it was a bad idea because he'd miss out on a valuable academic experience, would never catch up, and would never break into friendship groups already established. But he's my son and I knew he wasn't ready.

Fast forward 2+ years and he's doing very well, no problems with work and lots of friends. I am 100% certain that if the children in his class were asked which one of them started a term late, they wouldn't know. Not even my DS!

So quite how missing a couple of school trips is going to have a profound effect I don't know.

When it comes to year 1 and certainly year 2 then I think it's different. But reception is entirely voluntary until they're 5, so as far as I'm concerned any attendance up to that point is at the parent's discretion.

Can people's older children seriously remember trips from reception? Seriously? I'd be very surprised.

5madthings · 26/04/2012 23:40

velma i kept ds1 at home until he was 9 and ds2 until he was 6 as they are summer born one late aug, one july but they still did plenty of activities and went on trips and to groups without me, they also have gone on to thrive once they went to school and you would never know they were home schooled for a few years.

but this is a child who IS at school and who is missing out on things that his peer group are doing.

and yes my children can rememer things including days out from when they were 4 or 5, they suprise me with what they can remember actually!

bruffin · 26/04/2012 23:44

"Can people's older children seriously remember trips from reception? Seriously? I'd be very surprised."

Of course they can. My DD is 14 and remembers the trip to Colchester Zoo they did in reception. DS didn't have a trip in reception because of foot and mouth and all the zoos and farms were closed i think, so they ended up with a teddy bears picnic in the school grounds.

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 23:49

My DS1 remembers the coach breaking down on the way home from Colchester Zoo...he was in year 1

Jinsei · 26/04/2012 23:50

Can people's older children seriously remember trips from reception? Seriously? I'd be very surprised.

I still remember my trips from reception and in year 1. And I am 39! We went to see the zedonks at Colchester zoo, and we also visited Duxford Aerodrome and looked at Concorde (might have been a model of it.) Funnily enough, I remember these trips even more vividly than the ones I went on later in primary school. These things are hugely exciting events for small children, so they tend to stick in people's memories.

Jinsei · 26/04/2012 23:51

lots of x posts. Colchester zoo appears to be exceptionally memorable!

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