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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To keep my son home from school trips

321 replies

victoria48 · 26/04/2012 21:18

My son is in reception and so far they have had 2 school trips with a 3rd coming up soon. Each one has been a 100 mile round trip on a coach on the motorway. I have asked each time if I can go along as a helper and have been turned down each time. I gave my son a choice of going on the trips and he said he didn't want to go. I know I could have easily pursuaded him but chose not to as I didn't think the trips were a good idea myself. The third one is coming up and I'm being pressured by his teacher to send him. Am I being unreasonable to keep him home?

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 26/04/2012 21:44

Has he never travelled that far with you OP? Or is just the coach journey that you don't like the sound of?

babybythesea · 26/04/2012 21:45

Bumble - my dd is only 3 so no experience of it as a parent myself yet. I just wondered at what age you would be happy to let a child go on a visit without you? (I'm genuinely asking, not saying you are wrong).
It's just I always saw it as a gradual build up. Day trips when they are young, leading up to residential trips as you get older. I think my first residential with school was when I was 8 (camping) and I loved it, but it might have been a very different experience if I was unused to going on any kind of trip without my parents.

I wondered if maybe he wouldn't be missing out on the individual trip, per se, but on the experience of learning that he can manage for a day without his parents, which would give him confidence on the next trip, IYSWIM.

DPrince · 26/04/2012 21:46

Emmielou I can't think of a better way to make the boy feel completely separated from his friends. I don't get that sort of parenting to be honest. Why would you purposely segregate a child.

Original poster

victoria48 · 26/04/2012 21:46

Just to clarify, the trips are optional and the school tell parents to keep their kids home if they aren't going. They are not playing truant.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 26/04/2012 21:46

I think Reception age children do remember stuff. Like how they didn't go on the trip and ride on the coach like the rest of the class did.

timetosmile · 26/04/2012 21:47

I kept my daughter off a school trip in reception as it was a 1.5 hour each way trip to the seaside which is always gridlocked on the return journey anyway. We went to a lovely petting farm/cafe/park place instead.

She went on all the others, though, to the industrial museum, local parks etc, but the distance seemed huge for a child born at the end of the school year anyway.
I think school trips are fabulous in theory, but it does sometimes surprise me how far some of them are in EYFS and KS1 when we are fortunate enough to have lots of lovely places to visit much closer.
Once your DC gets a bit older, I'm sure trips will be a highlight of the term, but I do understand where you are coming from in terms of distance.

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 26/04/2012 21:47

YABU.

The news stories we've heard have been upsetting for us all,but you can't keep your kids in a cotton wool cocoon - it's just not fair. They need to spread their wings.
My DD gets travel sick.I give her a Joy Rides before she goes,and that covers her for there and back.Obviously you would need to check and see whether any particular medication is suitable for your child.

I personally think you need to allow them to learn that adventure and a little independence from Mum at that age is a good thing.I think you need to present trips in an upbeat and positive way so he wants to go.

Sirzy · 26/04/2012 21:47

either way they are missing out.

Jinsei · 26/04/2012 21:50

I don't think he'd be missing out, at that age they barely remember what they do from one day to the next anyway and who cares if a 5 year old doesn't have 100% attendance?!

I disagree, buckets. My dd could tell you loads about the trips she did in reception when she was four, and she is now in year 2 and nearly seven! The trips clearly made a big impression on her at the time, as she often remembers them and talks about them now.

I can understand a parent being anxious, but it's a pity for the child to miss out because of the parent's anxiety.

The school will have done loads of risk assessments and the kids will be well looked after. :)

AnyFucker · 26/04/2012 21:50

I have never asked any of my kids if they want to go on a school trip

they just go

and they have, without fail, loved every minute of them

OP, let your son have a normal childhood, you owe it to him

Sparklingbrook · 26/04/2012 21:50

I don't understand the distance thing. If the places they want to visit aren't nearby then they have to travel.

Plus teachers are quite capable of looking after the children. It is a shame if we feel we can't trust the teachers out of the classroom environment isn't it?

pinkyp · 26/04/2012 21:51

My ds doesn't want to go to school everyday, but he goes to learn. Same with school trips. You say he doesn't like panto but how will he like it if he never goes? Don't pass your anxiety on to your child and let him go, tell him there's a trip he's going on next week, make it sound exciting , rather than asking if he wants to go or stay at home with mummy

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 21:51

Being away from your parents and with professional carers is a great way to learn some independance.

When I first started helping out on school trips 16yrs ago I'd have around 8 children in my group...I was their only carer and I wasn't CRB'd.

FWD to 2012 and I have 4 children in my group and I have to join my group to a teacher's/TA's group...so every group of 8 kids has 2 adults and one of them is a professional child carer.

School trips have never been safer than they are now.

Sirzy · 26/04/2012 21:51

I can still remember my school trip in reception now! It was great!

DPrince · 26/04/2012 21:51

Bucket - my dd is almost 8 and remembers reception. surely if you acknowledge you are neurotic, you wouldn't let your child miss out because of it.

babybythesea · 26/04/2012 21:52

And just to answer someone who posted about taking your child to the same place on the same day - depends where they are going.

I have spent the last 15 years working as an education officer teaching classes who come on school visits to visitor attractions (so the trips are not just fun days out but have proper lessons attached to them).
The kids have always been based in areas that the public don't have access to, so even though it's a visitor attraction, you wouldn't be able to watch your child for a lot of it because they would be 'off-show'.

Aside from that, the visits I run cover part of the curriculum, and the class will do work based on my workshops either before or after coming. Which means any child missing the trip will also be on the edge of things during these sessions.
I'm not saying this is the case here, especially if the school have floated them as optional, but it is worth bearing in mind if you do choose to keep him home.

bumbleymummy · 26/04/2012 21:53

baby, I think they're learning to manage by themselves without their parents when they go to school all day so I don't think a day trip would really add much to that. I wouldn't feel comfortable about coach travel, long journeys, being a long distance from home, one person being expected to watch many young children etc etc. I'm not sure what age I'd be happy with it tbh. DS1 is 6 now and I'd probably be ok with him going away for the day with someone I knew well and trusted but I still don't think I'd be comfortable with a class trip arrangement. I think when I feel he's at an age where he is responsible enough to look after himself I would feel better about it.

irememberthesilverjubilee · 26/04/2012 21:55

I don't understand how the trips are optional?
If they're not during the school term when are they?

I too have never asked my DD (Yr 1) if she wants to go on a school trip -If I did she would look at me as if I was crazy!!

AnyFucker · 26/04/2012 21:55

Just for a bit of perspective, many RTA's (road traffic accidents) occur within a couple of mile radius of their starting point

BucketsOfRain · 26/04/2012 21:56

I am over-anxious I know. DS never been on a school trip and in year 1 in sept so it struck me as a bit early. I just think of him wandering about in his own little world and getting split up from the group and then being abducted

Poor boy, I know. Mummy needs to get a grip.

bumbleymummy · 26/04/2012 21:56

I must have had a really abnormal and disturbed childhood becuase I definitely didn't go on school trips when I was 5. I think the earliest one I remember was when I was 8 or 9.

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 21:56

bumble so you don't trust your child's teachers?

Have you any idea how these things are risk assessed and what ratio of kids to adults there has to be by law?

One person certainly won't be looking after 'many children'

TalkinPeace2 · 26/04/2012 21:57

when I was 4 I flew the atlantic without any parental company ....

babybythesea · 26/04/2012 21:57

Fair enough.

Although, I think I disagree a bit in that school quickly becomes a familiar environment - going on a trip shows them they can do something a bit different and still be ok. But I see what you are saying about school itself teaching them some independence.

toofattorun · 26/04/2012 21:58

YANBU!!!!!
I wouldn't let my reception-aged child go to the local library let alone on a 100-mile trip!!

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