Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my son home from school trips

321 replies

victoria48 · 26/04/2012 21:18

My son is in reception and so far they have had 2 school trips with a 3rd coming up soon. Each one has been a 100 mile round trip on a coach on the motorway. I have asked each time if I can go along as a helper and have been turned down each time. I gave my son a choice of going on the trips and he said he didn't want to go. I know I could have easily pursuaded him but chose not to as I didn't think the trips were a good idea myself. The third one is coming up and I'm being pressured by his teacher to send him. Am I being unreasonable to keep him home?

OP posts:
DPrince · 26/04/2012 21:31

Based on what you have said yabu. He is missing out and over the next few years a gap between him and the other kids will appear. Your own anxiety is causing your son to miss out.

VelmaDaphne · 26/04/2012 21:31

When my DS had just started reception, and was just 4, there was a school theatre trip. It was quite a long way, and quite a long show, and I knew DS wouldn't enjoy it. So he didn't go. As far as I know he didn't feel he missed out at all. But after that he went on all the trips, although admittedly most of the reception trips were fairly close.

If he doesnt go, will he have to stay at school? If he's 5 he will do, and that won't be much fun for him I imagine.

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 21:31

It's not strange they've turned her offer of help down really.

In my DS's school all helpers have to be CRB checked and in the Infants, they always make sure parents aren't in the same group as their children anyway.

The reason for that is because some kids are clingy to their parent...and they're supposed to be looking after more than just their own child.

Sarcalogos · 26/04/2012 21:32

Send him, he's missing out.

Would you give him the choice to stay at home for the day instead of numeracy? Literacy? SATS? GCSEs? Job interviews?

Ok I exaggerate, but the principle is he has to go places, explore and enjoy.

School trips are risk assessed to within an inch of their lives, stop worrying!

Fairenuff · 26/04/2012 21:33

How is this absence recorded? Unauthorised I expect. Are you ok with that?

I think school trips are valuable experiences and staff are trained to look after all the children whether they are travel sick, homesick or whatever. It's just another little bit of 'letting go' which is often harder on the parents than it is on children.

GrahamTribe · 26/04/2012 21:33

A long way for a reception age child Velma*? Confused It may be just me but I and my DC when young often went on longer journeys than that, holidays, visiting relatives, weekends away etc.

Victoria, re the travel sickness, I've no experience of it myself or with my DC but so you not think meds from your pharmacist an acceptable idea? That would be my solution. I believe that the problem can be psychological - you get sick once and then are ill subsequently through stress. If you can nip it now you're helping DS in the long term. Also, could you be projecting your concerns onto him and that be the reason why DS isn't keen to travel. If you act with more enthusiasm, he might. I'm afraid I don't quite see it as you do, to me you're BU, but he's your son of course, not mine.

thisisyesterday · 26/04/2012 21:35

YABU

you're making your son miss out on nice days out simply because you're put out you weren't chosen to help.

bumbleymummy · 26/04/2012 21:35

YANBU. I don't think I would have been comfortable with my DS going on trips at that age without me. I don't think he's missing out by not going with the school and I don't think it will scar him for life either. If he doesn't want to go and you aren't happy with it then don't feel pressured into it.

Sparklingbrook · 26/04/2012 21:36

It never occurred to me that school trips were optional TBH. Both DCs went on all trips-they were often tied in with the topics they were learning about at the time.

Original poster
victoria48 · 26/04/2012 21:37

Thanks everyone for your honesty. I will have a good think about it and try to make the right choice for him.

OP posts:
DPrince · 26/04/2012 21:37

Dd schools is like worras. Mum can go as she works there, but she doesn't to go to give dd some independence. I am not checked so couldn't go.

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 21:38

Why do parents feel the need to helicopter their kids on school trips? Confused

Is this a new thing?

Sirzy · 26/04/2012 21:39

At what point would you feel he is old enough to go on these trips? Before long he will pick up on the fact everyone else is going and having fun and he is being left behind!

I would imagine a trip to the airport would be linked into whatever it is they are learning at the moment to.

GnomeDePlume · 26/04/2012 21:40

I think that if he is not wanting to go so that he can skive a day off school then that is no excuse. This is one of those times where you step up to the plate, he goes, end of.

You are going to have to get over your worries.

He is going to have to learn to manage his travel sickness. At the simplest level have you tried the wristbands? There are plenty of tablets available to try if the wristbands arent enough.

If you dont both manage this then he will miss out and will also start to see that he doesnt have to do things if he cant be bothered.

DD1 was known as Colonel Chunder for her legendary ability to redecorate the insides of moving vehicles. Joy Rides worked well for her as the wrist bands werent man enough for the job.

Emmielu · 26/04/2012 21:40

OP, why dont you take him there yourself on the same days as the class goes on the trip? That way you know whats going on.

pippibluestocking · 26/04/2012 21:41

I don't think school trips are compulsory but I would have thought that a child would need to go into school if they weren't going, certainly would in my DCs school at least

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 21:41

OP, why dont you take him there yourself on the same days as the class goes on the trip? That way you know whats going on

Because I imagine the School would report her to a truant officer.

bumbleymummy · 26/04/2012 21:41

He doesn't want to go now though. When he starts wanting to go when he's a bit older and feels like he's missing out then it's a different story.

bumbleymummy · 26/04/2012 21:42

Gnome, do you realise the OP's son is 4?

LadyBeagleEyes · 26/04/2012 21:43

I'm in Scotland so not totally sure what reception age is, but I'm assuming 5?
If so YABVVU, you have to let them go and I'm sure he'll be perfectly safe with his teachers and it's a good chance of him getting to know his peers.
He needs to get used to school without you sticking your nose in,

Sirzy · 26/04/2012 21:43

But why doesn't he want to go? Is he being offered "now do you want to go on this long trip on a coach or do you want to have a fun day out with Mummy?" way. If he has never been on a trip can he really know he doesn't want to do it?

Sparklingbrook · 26/04/2012 21:43

I never asked mine if they wanted to go. Confused

BabyDubsEverywhere · 26/04/2012 21:43

Travel sickness and not into characters dressed up...

...and you being able to go would help this how?

BucketsOfRain · 26/04/2012 21:43

Yanbu I would hate my reception-age DS to be so far away all day and would be at my wits' end with worry about his safety (neurotic emoticon)
I don't think he'd be missing out, at that age they barely remember what they do from one day to the next anyway and who cares if a 5 year old doesn't have 100% attendance?!

Jinsei · 26/04/2012 21:43

YABU. You are being precious.

Our school has loads of parent helpers. The ones who get to go on school trips are the ones who help out regularly in the classroom and are crb checked etc. Generally, they try not to put parent volunteers with their own children. I imagine that they would be particularly keen to avoid putting parents with their own kids if those kids were particularly clingy and/or if the parents were especially precious over-protective.

Let your son go, OP. It's not fair to deny him the opportunity - and saying that you asked if he wanted to go & he said no is not giving him the opportunity, some kids are very good at saying what their parents want to hear.