About DBro's wedding and 'no children' rule ?

[TippleMacFreddy]

It is very possible that I am being unreasonable. But.....

My eldest brother is getting married, big lavish do, the whole shebang.

His fiancée is alright and I am close to my brother.

The weekend of the wedding me and DH will have a 10 day old DC1. ( I have to have a C-sec)
The wedding is near DBro fiancée's home town which is about 6 hours from where we live.
If it was anyone else we would have made our apologies.
But I am close to my brother and he asked if I would do a reading at ceremony. So we had decided to go.

They had decided that there would be no children invited to the wedding (at night, very big but a very 'grown up')
Me and DBro have had many a long chats about the wedding and such. And I always assumed that the 'no kids' rule didn't include our DC (esp. as me and DBro have talked about how if it wasn't him we wouldn't go)

Anyway we were talking today and it transpired that DC will count in this rule.

I got back to them later saying that unfortunately that means we can't go and explained why.

My DBro is upset.

Tonight I have received an email from his fiancée and 2 texts saying - that I could leave DC behind, that they will be fine, that I should 'put the effort in' as it is their wedding, and he is my brother, that I should be there.

AIBU to think that if they want me there that badly then they will have to accept that DC will be there as well?
And also
AIBU to think that those messages are just plain childish?

So 10 days post c-section, they want you do do a 6 hour drive?

I would be saying no on the basis that you don't know how you will be feeling so shortly after major surgery, and of course you are disappointed, but leaving a 10 day old will not be a feasible course of action.

I take it they have no children yet themselves?

er...why can't you go? If you're feeding the baby, can't you express for one night?

Tell them they should put the effort in for your first child and be more understanding. You are already putting effort in agreeing to go so soon after major surgery, but leaving a ebf newborn at home before bf established causing you to spend the day with leaky boobs, and jeopardizing the successful bf of dc is a compromise too far.

I have no problem with child free weddings. I rather like them actually,well as much as anyone who hates weddings can,but your brother is being a complete idiot,and a selfish one at that.

They cannot expect you to travel to a destination six hours drive away and leave your 10 day old dc behind. Especially when you're doing a reading.Actually it's not reasonable at all to expect you to leave your newborn behind at all,even if the event is in the town that you live in.

YADNBU. I'd decline,and let him know how selfish and unreasonable he's being.

Will you even be fit to travel for 6 hours 10 days after a c-section?

they're lucky you'd make the effort to go with a 10 day old dc! without? YADNBU

Consideration works both ways,and he and his fiancee are showing you none.

I agree with nutella. A c section is major abdominal surgery and a 10 day old baby really cannot be left. Do you have parents or older relatives who could talk some sense into them?

So they have never had a baby, obviously.

I agree with nailak

Someday - would you happily leave your 10 day old child overnight? I know i wouldn't

Cos baby will ony be 10days old plus if anything goes wrong with section with my ds2 i got an infection in my wound no way i could have travelled 6hours plus a long day and leave baby behind

ok, with the dc isn't that much effort i guess but I wouldn't leave a little one that age for that long

Blimey, of course you should be able to bring your 10 day old baby. One day if your brother and fiancee have children and she breastfeeds they will look back and cringe at the memory of this.

How ridiculous are they being? There is 12 hours of driving involved here (all of which your husband will have to do as you will be in no state to drive 10 days post-section), plus the wedding so you will be away from your baby for the best part of two days! I'm not sure I had managed to sort breast feeding out by that point, never mind be able to express enough on top for two days worth of feeds. And who exactly are you supposed to leave a 10-day old baby with?

She's a cheeky, presumptuous SOB for that email and clearly has no idea of the needs of a new baby or his/her mum but only the other hand it's their wedding and their choice. The polite thing to do would be either to make an exception for you or to accept your apologies with grace. I guess all you can do is face the fact that she is mannerless (or if you were me you'd tell her she's darn rude and you don't have to do as she says!).

What a great start to sister-in-lawship, way to go lady! I only hope she improves with maturity, for your DBs sake as well as your own.

Don't get me wrong....I'm all for ditching the kids for a knees up.....but at 10 days old, and breastfed? Mynotfinkso!

Miette- even if you take the breastfeeding out of it, she'll still look back and cringe.

She'll be 10 days post op,Someday.And I can't imagine that many people would want to leave their brand new baby for an entire day when they're just getting to know him and bond with him.

Is this your first child or have you others that they don't want at their wedding? It seems incredibly crass and selfish to expect your sister to leave her 10 day old baby and if it were my brother, I'd be telling him so. And I wouldn't respond to fiancée , I would only discuss it with my brother. And it's ridiculous to say you can express, or want to leave a 10 day old baby. BF won't even be established yet (if you were planning to BF) I think they are being incredibly unreasonable.

er...why can't you go? If you're feeding the baby, can't you express for one night?

Er.... a) expressing at 10 days you would be lucky to get a dribble, never mind enough to feed a baby every couple of hours for up to 24 hours

and b) Who on earth would want to leave their 10 day old, assuming you could even get someone to take on such a responsibility? And thats quite apart from her possibly feeling awful after major abdominal surgery.

Congratulations on the most bloody stupid post I have ever read!

I don't have any children

I came on expecting to say that YABU ("I can't understand why my brother doesn't want my adorable 2 year old twins at his wedding, they were so looking forward to running down the isle...." etc.) but of course YANBU, in fact your brother and his fiancee are absolutely barking to think you can leave a ten day old baby behind while you attend their wedding 6 hours away. They will of course look back in total mortification once they have a child, but right now you need to prioritise yourself and your new baby. Sounds like the fiancee doesn't want to share the limelight with an adorable newborn.

You know now.

Plus milk takes longer to come in with a section so will take longer to get into a routine.

no, fuck 'em.
I'm all for no kids weddings no matter how strictly they apply the policy, but if you do that you have to accept that some people may choose/be forced to not attend due to this policy.
If you can take it in good grace, then fair enough. If you start giving out because someone can't fall in line with your demands about no kids then you're very shortsighted.