About DBro's wedding and 'no children' rule ?

[TippleMacFreddy]

It is very possible that I am being unreasonable. But.....

My eldest brother is getting married, big lavish do, the whole shebang.

His fiancée is alright and I am close to my brother.

The weekend of the wedding me and DH will have a 10 day old DC1. ( I have to have a C-sec)
The wedding is near DBro fiancée's home town which is about 6 hours from where we live.
If it was anyone else we would have made our apologies.
But I am close to my brother and he asked if I would do a reading at ceremony. So we had decided to go.

They had decided that there would be no children invited to the wedding (at night, very big but a very 'grown up')
Me and DBro have had many a long chats about the wedding and such. And I always assumed that the 'no kids' rule didn't include our DC (esp. as me and DBro have talked about how if it wasn't him we wouldn't go)

Anyway we were talking today and it transpired that DC will count in this rule.

I got back to them later saying that unfortunately that means we can't go and explained why.

My DBro is upset.

Tonight I have received an email from his fiancée and 2 texts saying - that I could leave DC behind, that they will be fine, that I should 'put the effort in' as it is their wedding, and he is my brother, that I should be there.

AIBU to think that if they want me there that badly then they will have to accept that DC will be there as well?
And also
AIBU to think that those messages are just plain childish?

Please let us know how you get on with Bridezilla woman OP. I wish you could show her this thread, but it might cause a bit of a hoo ha! :o

I would understand op if you were a single parent but your not

Please tell me again why you can't express and oh can't stay at home

Tp be honest these threads seem to be more affronted that their child should be the expetion these days people pay for their own weddings and often children add more to the cost and depending on how you see can ruin the day

My mate paid 2k for her wedding video you can't hear any bows just her niece carrying also her cousins children spilt juice down the back of her 3k dress

If everyone you invite has two or more children it can almost double the cost and often people want a diffrent menu for their kids and moan and ask for nuggets and chips

Personally I. Told my family their will be no chips if kids can't eat chicken,veg and salad they should bring a packed lunch also we had child are company take the kids off after dinner but to be fair that whacked on another £500 to our wedding let lone paying for the dinner and one cousin who has 5 children just didn't get invited

It's their wedding you have to think do you live your brother enough to leave your child with your oh overnight for one night

YADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNBBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUU

Are your parents still alive? (Apologies if crass of me) Surely your mum can have a word. She will remember what it's like.
Your baby as a newborn will not be taking much space and asides from needing your milk will probably sleep a lot during the whole thing.

They are twats. I managed to go out with DD1 at seven days but DD2 i didn't go anywhere for a month.

Unless you are very very lucky you:

1. are going to be absofucking knackered
2. are going to be bleeding everywhere
3. are going to be sore
4. are going to be trying to establish milkflow or formular routine

You cannot leave a ten day old baby with anyone. Trust me on this.
You will be struggling to do a 6 hour drive/feeding/staying upright on the day.

They should be grateful you were even going to try.
The emails are fecking disgusting, the texts are cowardly/passive aggressive and unless they make exceptions for you (and still be prepared for a last minute cancellation) then they can go forth and multiply (and you can remind the silly cow when she is getting over giving birth of this). Better still send her this thread.
Am livid for you

Op it's you who are being stubborn I think

Someday, for the most graceful turnaround on a thread, I think you will be a great midwife.

OP, YANBU!!!!!

I think they are just utterly ignorant.

I suggest sending an email listing exactly why their expectations of you are completely unrealistic....but in the nicest possible way.

Take a few choice phrases from this thread and compile your case, so to speak.

If they refuse to accept what you are saying, then it's as I said before - they will have a baby of their own someday and will look back at this and be mortified at their blinkered selfishness. You may look forward to that day and the apology that follows.

Pair of twats.

Maypole, you sound delightful. I imagine most people hoped your wedding would have a 'no adults' policy too.

Please tell me again why you can't express and oh can't stay at home

Because, as has been explained....IT IS PHYSICALLY IMPOSIBLE

and also, 6 hours in a car so soon after major surgery is a huge risk to the OP and could, potentially, cause life threatening blood clots. Would you ask someone who had recently had their uterus removed to do it? Because a CS is also major abdominal surgery, there is a reason why you arent insured to drive for 6 weeks, are advised not to do anything more than lift the baby for the first months.

FFS............

maypole

are you for real? dumbest user of the day award.
how many ten day old babies have you left with your dp ffs?

Maypole... the baby will be TEN DAYS old.. not ten weeks...

I havent had a baby but I know damn well I would not be prepared to travel for 6 hours without my newborn, go to a wedding and travel back again. Nor would I expect anyone to want to look after a newborn baby for that long either!

I wouldnt leave a new puppy behind like that, never mind a child.

thank you for the support! I feel like a bloody fool. I guess I'll learn. OP YADNBU after reading all that. Sounds horrific

Maypole, a 10 year old baby will not require chips or nuggets.

Ha. I've got a 13 day old ff baby and I felt adventurous today when I left her with my mother for 15 minutes while I went to Tesco. 12 hour round trip plus wedding time? Hahahahahahaha! And that's without major surgery. Nutters.

How is the ops dh spose to feed the baby?no way u can express that much milk for 2 days plus a 6hour drive after MAJOR surgery and that midwife will still be coming round hiws that going to work maypole?

I had to go to a funeral 11 days after my emcs. What should have been a two hour drive took almost four because of stops for me & baby. My parents also drove two hours from their home to look after DS while we were in the service. I spent the wake feeling anxious as so many people were wanting 'a go' with him. BFing felt inappropriate because of the situation. Staying overnight in a hotel was awful. I was soooooo glad to get home. Having said that, I don't for one minute regret going. It's obviously a different situation, but we needed to put the effort in iyswim.

OP - have a long think about whethrr you want to go. Phone your DB & tell him you really won't be able to leave LO. And please, for your own sanity, if you do go, make sure you're booked into a good hotel nearby and warn DH, DM & anyone else you trust that you want their help in keeping LO close to you.

I suspect your bro & his fiancé just have no idea about the realities of life with a baby. Mine said 'he feeds a lot doesn't he?' when he met LO. He wasn't being mean, just had no idea.

Sameday - your first

Maypole, how much cost will a ten-day old baby add to the wedding, precisely? It's not as if he/she's going to want his/her own glass of champagne for the toasts!

Read the thread again for why she "can't just express", as well as several other reasons and the point, which is that she's said she just won't go, only Bride- and Groomzilla won't graciously accept this, choosing instead to send her arsey messages.

CervixWithASmile sorry we slaved for 2 years saving up to have our wedding just the way we wanted it

But no your right our day but should of let all the kids have chips and nuggets and invited my cousin who has 5 children and her oh which makes 7 and paid the extra £150 a head each for one family

I had to go to a funeral 11 days after my emcs. What should have been a two hour drive took almost four because of stops for me & baby. My parents also drove two hours from their home to look after DS while we were in the service. I spent the wake feeling anxious as so many people were wanting 'a go' with him. BFing felt inappropriate because of the situation. Staying overnight in a hotel was awful. I was soooooo glad to get home. Having said that, I don't for one minute regret going. It's obviously a different situation, but we needed to put the effort in iyswim.

OP - have a long think about whethrr you want to go. Phone your DB & tell him you really won't be able to leave LO. And please, for your own sanity, if you do go, make sure you're booked into a good hotel nearby and warn DH, DM & anyone else you trust that you want their help in keeping LO close to you.

I suspect your bro & his fiancé just have no idea about the realities of life with a baby. Mine said 'he feeds a lot doesn't he?' when he met LO. He wasn't being mean, just had no idea.

Sameday - your first post was ludicrous, but you've made up for it

At 10 days old (my dd, not me that is) I was sitting around without my top on half the time, trying desperately to get her to latch on for long enough to get a good feed. So I guess it depends if you can get a smart enough skirt that you don't need a top for. When you do your reading, pop the baby on the lecturn thing (should be about boob height) and then it can carry on feeding while you read.
Expressing? Pah. I tried it at 4.5 months when I went back to work. Never managed to express enough and it signalled the end of breast feeding for us as it buggered supply and demand - she was ff from 5 months much to my utter sadness and regret. Never ever try it at 10 days if you have any notion of breatsfeeding.

You're a bigger bloody idiot for paying £150 per head in the first place Maypole!

maypole, I'll be charitable and assume you haven't read the thread.

The baby hasn't arrived yet, so there's no way of predicting whether or not the OP will be able o express. It will be a teeny tiny 10 day-old baby, so no chicken nuggets will be needed.

Sorry, no sure what happened with my post there.

Anyway, comit gives me the opportunity to go at maypole

maypole, unless you are being sarcastic or ironic, there is a simple answer to your questions:

"Please tell me why you can't express and oh stay at home?"- Ummmm- bonding?

Or maybe the fact that OP will be post surgical and not medically fit to drive herself for six hours? That she will be bleeding into the driver's seat? That her brother's wedding day, or anyone's wedding day is not as important as a 10 day old newborn trying to feed and sleep? That she will probably not be able to express enough milk for being away that long? That she will be recovering from MAJOR abdominal surgery leaving an eight scar with around 26 to 30 stitches in? That she will be drugged up with painkillers?

Take your pick.

Oh and this "It's their wedding you have to think do you live your brother enough to leave your child with your oh overnight for one night" (sic). I think a 10 day old newborn needing its mother trumps an independent grown adult brother.

Turn that around. Would a loving brother expect his post surgical lactating sister to travel for six hours to attend his wedding leaving his 10 day old niece or nephew behind?

:o Cervix

It's amazing the shit some people expect other people to put themselves through for the honour of attending a party.

Leave a tiny, days old newborn away from its mother, the only thing it knows, for 24 hours so you can haul your broken body across the country.

What a treat they are offering you!

That's the way to treat your guests - as the unwilling subjects if your imperious rule, not human beings with their own individual circumstances.

What you're going through is a much bigger deal than their wedding. That you are even considering attending shows you care about your brother very much.

Maypole, this thread isn't about you.