About DBro's wedding and 'no children' rule ?

[TippleMacFreddy]

It is very possible that I am being unreasonable. But.....

My eldest brother is getting married, big lavish do, the whole shebang.

His fiancée is alright and I am close to my brother.

The weekend of the wedding me and DH will have a 10 day old DC1. ( I have to have a C-sec)
The wedding is near DBro fiancée's home town which is about 6 hours from where we live.
If it was anyone else we would have made our apologies.
But I am close to my brother and he asked if I would do a reading at ceremony. So we had decided to go.

They had decided that there would be no children invited to the wedding (at night, very big but a very 'grown up')
Me and DBro have had many a long chats about the wedding and such. And I always assumed that the 'no kids' rule didn't include our DC (esp. as me and DBro have talked about how if it wasn't him we wouldn't go)

Anyway we were talking today and it transpired that DC will count in this rule.

I got back to them later saying that unfortunately that means we can't go and explained why.

My DBro is upset.

Tonight I have received an email from his fiancée and 2 texts saying - that I could leave DC behind, that they will be fine, that I should 'put the effort in' as it is their wedding, and he is my brother, that I should be there.

AIBU to think that if they want me there that badly then they will have to accept that DC will be there as well?
And also
AIBU to think that those messages are just plain childish?

I did just over an hour drive (and back) a week after a section and I felt every bump in the road. It was somewhere I really wanted to go - a big family get together, and to show off DS1.

I really can't imagine you will be in any fit state to drive 5 hours there and 5 hours back only 10 days after a C section, even a planned one (mine was EMCS).

I think, like some others, that it's fine to have a no DC wedding rule, but if you say that you must realise that some people can't come.

I also wouldn't have wanted to leave a 10 day old baby overnight, especially not my first.

YAsoNBU. I think your DB and SIL to be are just blinkered and don't realise what they're saying. What do your parents say? Is there anyone else of your generation in your family who has DC who can explain the situation to DB? Also, you don't know what physical (or mental) state you will be in so soon after having your baby. It's not just down the road, is it? If it were, you could maybe have gone, done the reading and gone home.

I HOPE SO!!

Day 10 is a big weigh in for the baby anyway. Mw will weigh and sign you off and over to HV. You may need to stick around for it so there's your excuse. Also others are correct - you will be leaking from every orifice.

or her head fell off or something

Can you let me have your email address please Someday? I need to bill you the cost of a new keyboard as I have snorted wine all over mine :o My sister was like that with my babies, but she soon got used to them. And the fact that it bothers you is good, if you didnt give a toss then I would say that yes you would be a crap MW. But the fact that you care means you will be a great MW :)

I couldn't leave my first baby for 20 minutes at that age, let alone 2 days.

YANBU. You're just not.

Tell them to fuck off.

Can your mum intervene? Surely someone must be able to talk sense into groomzilla.

I felt all jittery just being on the other side of the room from DS1 in the very early days! I'd have had a screaming fit at the SUGGESTION of leaving him for an hour never mind a day!

The thought of leaving any of my DCs at 10 days old to attend a wedding 6 hours away by car brings me out in a cold sweat. TBH, I probably wouldn't have even contemplated going even if babies were allowed as I was still bleeding like a pig at that stage.

I am honestly trying to think of a compromise here though. Perhaps you could travel up with your DH and baby, stay in a hotel. You could pop into the church, do the reading and then bugger off again. Doesn't sound great, really though. Why the fuck can't she allow you to bring your baby? Child-free weddings mean no preschoolers running around, surely? I didn't think babies counted. Incidentally, what do your parents think about it?

well thank you! It's the head issue that worries me the most, they're so FLOPPY! I actually googled 'what would happen if I dropped a baby' as I am so worried about dropping one! Oh I'm having a bit of a panic now

OP. YANBU. Here is the reality 10 days post section. Please feel free to show your Dbro and SIL-to-be this.

1.Engorged leaky boobs making wet patches in your clothes.
2.Baby who could need feeding as often as every 40 minutes like my DS1 in hot weather.
3.Midwife/HV still making visits
4.You could be in floods of uncontrollable post hormonal tears like I was for two weeks
5.You will have a scar which is either itchy, weepy or sore.
6.You may wince when you stand up, walk or sit down.
7.You may not want to leave your baby at all, with anyone
8.You may still be in pyjamas
9.You will have lochia, which is like a heavy period, and you will need to change your pad throughout the day. Tampons not recommended because of infection risk.
10.You will be more exhausted than anyone can put into words for you.
11. You may be struggling with establishing breastfeeding and may need a BF counsellor.
12. The recovery period for a C section is recommended at 6 to 8 weeks. Doesn't mean you can't go out and do stuff, but a 6 hour trip to a wedding where you have to do a public reading would probably not be on many new mother's list.

Wow, I am totally pro-childfree wedding, and I went to a wedding with BF DD when she was 5 days old, but your DB and SIL-to-be are being utterly ridiculous.

The wedding i went to was literally just down the road and I was able to walk home to my own bed when I'd had enough.

Oh, and I hate the 'just express a bottle' response. Hate it.

You cannot express enough feeds for a 10-day old newborn (your milk will have only come in a few days prior), BF newborns are as often on the breast more than they are off it at that age, besides it is not just about the milk with a breastfed newborn' it's the familiarity of Mum and the comfort. Plus, who on God'd green earth is going to want to leave their 10-day old overnight, after major surgery when presumably everyone close enough to be a consideration for baby-sitting will also be at the wedding?

Sorry, somedayma - I know you've already been slammed for your response, but it really did deserve it!!

Someday, the number of people people who drop babies are pretty low. It's not as if the baby will emerge and you fling them, Rugby-style towards the mother's face, is it?

Seriously, stop stressing over it- everyone has to learn somewhere.

at Somedayma. I can remember being alone in the hospital after having DC1 and thinking how on earth I should pick him up. By DC3, I was slinging them around.

13. You'll have just had surgery on your abs and rummaging about like never before. You'll fart continually.

Just remembered, we drove down to London to see the PILs exactly 10 days after my EMCS. 4 hours in the car was awful, baby was being fed all the time, was up at all hours of the night (not when you want to be sleeping away from home I can tell you).

And I was still so lightheaded from the mild anaemia and all the pain relief (diclofenac) that I missed a step and fell halfway down PILs stairs and cut my hand on the stairlift.

On the basis of my experience, I'd say you shouldn't even go to the wedding even if they did allow the DC!

Also, don't they realise that CS is major abdominal surgery. It's not just some little nick. They cut right through all your stomach muscles. Would they expect someone who'd had a hysterectomy, for example, to do the same?

I'd completely forgotten about all the blood and stuff (distance of years rose tints your spectacles). Your stitches will still be in, you may get an infection...

true, all true! I'm sure I'll soon get used to handling them, although hopefully not to the point of 'slinging them around' :o

Have a 12 day old ds. Milk supply issues aside, energy issues aside (am sore and tired and achy), travel issues aside (car is uncomfy due to scar, and even just today I've been glad of the proximity of the hosp to check out my suddenly increased bleeding), I wouldn't leave my ds overnight for all the tea in china. End of conversation. I think you are amazing to go AT ALL. without your new baby is, it seems to me, completely out of the question. GL.

Just to add to Youoldslags list (love the name btw!)

13. You will be the happiest you have ever been, especially snuggled up to your sweet smelling little bundle. :)

Why the eff would you want to get up, get dressed, get the baby dressed, drive halfway around the world and be massively uncomfortable just to appease a princess and her cohort? Bugger that, stay in bed, cuddle your wee one and send a suitably gushing Telemessage to be read out during the speeches so all the guests say "ahhhh, isnt that nice" and then give your DB and DIL2B a hard time asking why you arent there!

I hope you will respond to your brother with the list thoughfully provided by YouOldSlag listing all the reasons why it is utterly impossible for you to attend his wedding and come back and let us have his response!

Well, you've learnt that his fiancée is far from "alright".

Your brother is being an idiot, but sending those texts is just toxic.

Ignore them and talk to your brother again.

Explain that getting to a wedding 6 hours away 10 days post-CS would be highly doubtful anyway, but that to do it without the baby is a complete impossibility.

Even if I wasn't breastfeeding, I wouldn't want to leave a 10 day old baby for a whole day! Look at it this way, that's 10% of their whole life!!

They are mental, DB should know better, Bridezilla will look back and cringe

JudgeJudy They probably dont realise. Thats the problem with the whole sleb C-section culture, it is billed as a day in hospital, a couple of days rest and than back into the killer heels and designer dresses by day 4 :(