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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not wash my DH's clothes?

283 replies

CailinDana · 07/09/2011 09:57

I thought I'd start a thread on this as I mentioned it within another thread and got some Shock responses. I have never washed my DH's clothes and I never will unless he becomes ill or incapacitated. I'm a SAHM and I do wash DS's clothes. As far as I'm concerned clothes washing is part of personal hygiene, it's a person's own business to ensure they have clean underwear and I'm not getting involved. There is no way on earth I would pick up DH's dirty underpants and socks (usually from the floor where they reside) and I just don't have time to hang it all out and take it all in. Once DS is old enough (about 10 is reasonable I think) he will become responsible for his own washing. Doing washing for someone else strikes me as a bit servile to be honest.

I don't iron anything ever. DH has his own wash basket. He has never complained about this situation. AIBU?

OP posts:
borderslass · 07/09/2011 10:00

I don't see the point of doing separate washes the only stipulation I have with washing is that it either has to left at the machine or in wash basket.

I always iron I actually find it very stress busting although DD2 does her own ironing now.

Huffythetantrumslayer · 07/09/2011 10:00

Yanbu if it works for you fair play. I just chuck all of our washing in together so not bothered about that but I do not pick dh clothes of the floor and I don't iron. If it's not in the laundry basket it doesn't get washed.

Deesus · 07/09/2011 10:00

You do sound a bit U to me. Are you saying that when your DS is old enough you will each do your own washing? So 3 separate wash baskets, etc. Maybe 3 of you wanting to use the machine at the same time? I think it's easier to do it all together - not saying it should you doing it all though!

I'm with you on not picking up someone else's dirty undies though - let him pick them up himself!

ClaimedByMe · 07/09/2011 10:00

I was dps clothes if they are in the basket, it took him years to catch onto the idea,i will not pick up his dirty washing off the floor!

It makes no difference to me putting them in the machine or getting them dried, im doing it for me, dd & ds!

I will not do hs ironing though, cant be bothered!

scrambedeggs · 07/09/2011 10:03

how strange lol

when i got married, it was to share our lives in all ways. He does things for me that Im not keen on and vice versa

TheTempest · 07/09/2011 10:03

I wouldn't only do mine and DD's washing and not do DP's.

By the same token he wouldn't only do his own or his and DD's and not mine. It's shared though so I wouldn't be doing it all.

If that works for you and your family though, then I really can't see the issue.

Awomancalledhorse · 07/09/2011 10:06

Doesn't that mean you (as a househole) have the washing machine on far more times than it needs to be/use double the amount of powder/conditioner?

cantspel · 07/09/2011 10:07

if i works for you fine but what a waste if you are each doing small loads of washing.

To me marriage is about sharing. I will wash his clothes and he will hang mine out to dry. i will iron his shirts and he will sort my pants and bras and put them away. We are a team and all tasks will at sometime or another be covered by either of us.

EricNorthmansMistress · 07/09/2011 10:08

Do you wait until you have a full load before washing? If so, YANBU I suppose. If you wash half a load when your DH has dirty clothes that could go in, YABU.

I'm not sure why you feel it's an individual job like showering or something. To me, it's the family clothes, it's a family job, like doing the food shop or something. We don't only buy food for ourselves, or only cook for ourselves, so why only wash our own clothes?

cheekyginger · 07/09/2011 10:08

I think if your DH hasnt complained then fair enough.

I am on ML at the moment and certainly wouldnt think twice about doing my DH's washing. If im putting the machine on anyway then why not. He doesnt expect these things of me but i think it makes sense just to do it all at once.

He does put his stuff in the laundry basket as he knows there is no chance that i would be searching round the house to pick up after him....i really dont see it as me being his slave.

My question to you would be; if you were the one out working would you be happy enough to do your own washing? If yes then this obviously works for you guys as a couple.

Why dont you put the washing on in the evening and he could hang it up himself would that not work?

ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls · 07/09/2011 10:08

I've thought about this in the past Grin however the idea of living with his dirty socks on the floor whilst cleaning around it is heinous. I don't do the bins but I do his washing with the rest of the family's, I do his ironing if I feel like it and am inspired but he is happy to do it. Equally he cleans the dog run out, catches mice the cat has brought in, used to empty the litter tray when it was required. Basically the shit jobs. But horses for courses......

usualsuspect · 07/09/2011 10:10

How hard is it to chuck everyones washing in the washing machine?

StrandedBear · 07/09/2011 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatmeworry · 07/09/2011 10:11

Seems odd to me, and a waste of washing powder. I assume you get your own spiders out the bath :o

offonajolly · 07/09/2011 10:11

I wouldn't go out of my way NOT to do his washing, seems a bit scroogey to me, if its there and I'm doing a load I'll see if anything else of his needs washing etc. I think it's all part of team work.

Fro example, I get home earlier to it makes sense for me to put a load on and make dinner, he earns more than me so with his money we are able to do nice things together, I offer what I can to 'us' as does he.

If you can help, you should.

TheORIGINALWoofLady · 07/09/2011 10:12

I've been with DH for 10 years, and I have only in the past 6 months persuaded him, that yes, we are allowed to wash our clothes together!

Even now, he'll happily mix his with the kids, but with mine?! My clothes have to be in the severe minority... (difficult! :o )

I was very Shock Hmm when he first refused to let me even wash his clothes, let alone mix with mine - my mum shoved all and sundry in the machine together!

ihatecbeebies · 07/09/2011 10:13

Could you not just save the time and money by just washing them all together?

zukiecat · 07/09/2011 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CailinDana · 07/09/2011 10:19

Interesting responses. I only ever put on a full load so there's no waste of electricity or powder. Between me, DS and things like bedding and towels there's plenty to keep the washing machine full! If I were to wash DH's clothes as well that would add a lot to my workload as I would have to put a lot more washes on. So it's one of the things I don't do.

do a great deal of the housework as I'm at home so I think leaving this job for DH to do himself is fair in terms of splitting workload. It also has the added benefit of being something he can't "forget" to do - if he doesn't do it then he has no clothes to wear, simple as that! So he's motivated to do it and I don't have to nag him about it. Years ago he did suggest that we "share" washing but that resulted in me doing about triple what he did. When I stopped doing it and waited for him to get on it I ended up with nothing to wear. Plus he tends to mix colours and put things on at the wrong temperature, leave things too long in the machine, that sort of thing. So "sharing" washing would basically mean I'd do it all. Which I have no intention of doing. He's aware of this, and he understands.

OP posts:
DontGoCurly · 07/09/2011 10:22

YANBU

I do DP's washing but he does a lot of hoovering, cooking and shopping which I hate. I think it's a brilliant thing to teach your son to do his own clothes.

So much distress is caused in adult relationships by men not knowing how to do basic household tasks because their Mother has always done it for them. They don't understand that it's their own responsibility to wash their own skiddy jocks, scrub the toilet or cook their own meals!

Badtasteflump · 07/09/2011 10:22

I think YABU and quite petty actually.

I thought marriage was supposed to be a partnership. Therefore if I do a load of washing, I do everybody's not just mine and the DCs. If DH cooks dinner, he does it for everyone, not just him and the DCs!

If DH was too lazy to put his stuff in the washing basket I wouldn't be happy about 'picking up his dirty underwear' either, but he's not so it's not a problem.

Doesn't sound like much of a partnership to me TBH. And the fact that you're a SAHM makes it even worse, I think...

Original poster
CailinDana · 07/09/2011 10:24

We do share jobs though flump, just not this one. We get on great really. Housework did flare up as an issue between us in earlier years, as it does in a lot of marriages, and we reached a compromise by deciding who did what jobs. In some marriages only one partner does the shopping or only one partner does the DIY and that works for them. I don't understand really why it's "mean" to divide this job between us.

OP posts:
borderslass · 07/09/2011 10:25

DH does do washing sometimes but 9 out of 10 times I'm up first and he doesn't get a chance. He was on his own for a good few years before we got together and is capable of running a household but as DD1 [20] says I don't give him a chance to.

Carrotsandcelery · 07/09/2011 10:26

In which case I don't understand the question Cailin. It works in your household, there is no waste, there seems to be no issue.

Personally I like the team work approach to family but if this is the only way you can get him to do his share then there seems to be no problem.

ilovesprouts · 07/09/2011 10:27
Biscuit